1/1 Dets, I’ve started re-reading Fellowship, and when Bilbo leaves Bag End for the last time he is accompanied by three dwarves. Can you imagine the arguing? The company all saying THEY have to be the ones to go with THEIR burglar? And then when Dain puts his foot down because the company have RESPONSIBILITIES NOW DAMMIT they hand-pick the dwarrows that will go and make it CLEAR that if anything happens to THEIR burglar then they’d better not come back.

2/2 and then they add on “He’ll want to stop at Rivendell, he likes elves if you can believe that. Try and convince him to come to Erebor instead. He can write his book just as well and there’ll be no elves" 

OMG

I am now trying to imagine The Company’s List of instructions for the *cough* Three Mysterious Dwarves of the Long-Expected Party. 

1. He’s not a strong swimmer, don’t push him in fountains or anything. No, not even for fun.
2. He’s bloody quiet, you can barely hear him moving. Stick a bell on him or something, because he’s also quick as a weasel.
3. LISTEN TO HIM WHEN IT COMES TO ESCAPE PLANS. He might be a fussy beardless little thing, but he’s far, far brighter than you.
4. Don’t whine about the escape plan when he comes up with it. 
5. Don’t argue with him about the escape plan. In fact, just shut up and do as he says.
6. He’s a rubbish rider, but don’t you DARE LAUGH.
7. Don’t touch his feet. I know, I know, they look like they ought to be cold, bare like that. But he kicks like a horse when he’s startled, and those feet are as hard as hooves. DO NOT TOUCH, not even to put a blanket on ‘em. And for Durin’s sake, don’t ever offer him a pair of boots.
8. Never, ever ignore his advice on plants. 
9. Yes, he really can eat that much. No, he won’t explode. 
10. He’s heard plenty of Khuzdul before, so don’t be surprised if he understands the gist of what you’re saying. Mind your damn manners.

(This is fun! Add some more if you’d like 😀 )