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I tried few times already to ask you that, but I felt lost at words, maybe this time I’ll succeed. So, from the beginning : I have never been one to cry or depress easily, but lately I feel like I am in void. I have no one to talk to(my friends have their own lives), I am attracted to many genders and not still comfortable with it, living with very strict, Catholic family. I feel alone and sad. I wanted to ask… How do you deal with such things? How you make yourself believe that you matter?

shamananana:

determamfidd:

Nonnie, you matter. You matter. YOU MATTER. 

If I were to hazard a guess, I’d say that this is totally depression talking, Nonnie. It’s not all crying – often it is a blankness, a nothingness, a meaninglessness… a sense of just drifting in time and space while life happens to everyone else. A “void”. This is EXACTLY the way my mental script plays out, right before I go into ‘hibernation mode’ and withdraw from the world. 

I get off the internet. I spend time with my family and friends, people who know ALL of me and truly care about me. I see a professional therapist. I am on medication, and probably will be for the rest of my life. I take on projects that I enjoy, such as composing, or sewing. I work with my students, teaching them to do a thing I love (music and singing). That’s how I manage. And sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. 

I don’t know how to deal with your family situation, I am so sorry. But I am proud of you. You have a capacity for love that is simply wonderful and unique, and I hope you can feel comfortable with it one day soon – maybe even joy and pride yourself. 

I feel that your friends would most likely want to know that you are feeling so lost. Yeah, they have their own lives – but you are their FRIEND, and you matter to them. They’ll make as much space and time for you as they can, BECAUSE YOU ARE THEIR FRIEND AND YOU MATTER TO THEM. 

I feel as though you should see a professional for some help also. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to stretch your hands out to people, PLEASE. 

You matter, Nonnie. And you deserve care and friendship and companionship. You deserve to feel as though you are a part of the world and not just drifting through it. You deserve acceptance and love. You are a person, a wonderful real living complicated fabulous human person, right here and now, and you MATTER. 

@determamfidd , it’s me. 

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 

I’m a sobbing mess and yet, I’m a little bit better.

‘’Light on the Horizon’’ is now playing in the background, and you know what, Dets? You are one of those bright stars, helping people steer through dark waters. With your amazing music, fics with diversity, kind words. Through half the world, you made me feel better.

Thank you. I’ll try to sleep now.  And tomorrow, I’ll seek help.

You are so bright for a star. 

Your fan,

Shamanana.

hey there – you’re super kind, omfg thank you. And I’m really, REALLY glad you’re going to seek help. It’s a brave and strong step to take, and I am behind you all the way, ALL the way. 

Sleep well and peacefully, friend. You’re going to be all right, in time. You’re not alone, and you matter.

enoughtohold:

i know terms like wlw, sapphic, etc. are a bit awkward and are sometimes used in inappropriate ways, and i get why not everyone likes them. but i really appreciate the effort toward a renewed focus on what lesbians and bi women have in common and the desire to unite around that. i think it’s so much healthier than the attitude popular a couple years ago that basically saw us as wildly different species and suggested that bi women who sought community with lesbians were traitors and fools (or vice versa). i feel more hopeful now for young women and girls coming out and venturing onto tumblr, that they might find an online refuge a little less fraught with conflict, with an emphasis on common ground

tolkien: dwarves aren’t so bad (as long as u dont expect too much of them)…. i mean they are definitively Not The Heroes but i suppose they have a right to exist??
me: anyway im constructing a museum to commemorate dwarvish culture bc they’re Better Than Elves and i would marry every single one of them.

I tried few times already to ask you that, but I felt lost at words, maybe this time I’ll succeed. So, from the beginning : I have never been one to cry or depress easily, but lately I feel like I am in void. I have no one to talk to(my friends have their own lives), I am attracted to many genders and not still comfortable with it, living with very strict, Catholic family. I feel alone and sad. I wanted to ask… How do you deal with such things? How you make yourself believe that you matter?

Nonnie, you matter. You matter. YOU MATTER. 

If I were to hazard a guess, I’d say that this is totally depression talking, Nonnie. It’s not all crying – often it is a blankness, a nothingness, a meaninglessness… a sense of just drifting in time and space while life happens to everyone else. A “void”. This is EXACTLY the way my mental script plays out, right before I go into ‘hibernation mode’ and withdraw from the world. 

I get off the internet. I spend time with my family and friends, people who know ALL of me and truly care about me. I see a professional therapist. I am on medication, and probably will be for the rest of my life. I take on projects that I enjoy, such as composing, or sewing. I work with my students, teaching them to do a thing I love (music and singing). That’s how I manage. And sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. 

I don’t know how to deal with your family situation, I am so sorry. But I am proud of you. You have a capacity for love that is simply wonderful and unique, and I hope you can feel comfortable with it one day soon – maybe even joy and pride yourself. 

I feel that your friends would most likely want to know that you are feeling so lost. Yeah, they have their own lives – but you are their FRIEND, and you matter to them. They’ll make as much space and time for you as they can, BECAUSE YOU ARE THEIR FRIEND AND YOU MATTER TO THEM. 

I feel as though you should see a professional for some help also. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to stretch your hands out to people, PLEASE. 

You matter, Nonnie. And you deserve care and friendship and companionship. You deserve to feel as though you are a part of the world and not just drifting through it. You deserve acceptance and love. You are a person, a wonderful real living complicated fabulous human person, right here and now, and you MATTER. 

Hi! First off I absolutely love Sansukh, it’s my favorite piece of fanfiction ever. Secondly, I’m writing a fanfic for another fandom, and I want desperately to reference Light on the Horizon at the end, have one of the characters start singing it at the end of the story, because she’s a tolkien/sansukh nerd and it fits with my ending. I’d include a link to the song at the end and credit you and everything, but I thought I’d ask, just to be safe. Thank you for everything you do, you are a gem!

WOW. That is a beautiful thing to say, and I am so so grateful! Thank you! I’m thrilled you like it so much ❤

AHHH OMG CAN YOU EVER – absolutely, you are most most welcome to reference LOTH, and to link it in your fic! (internal screech of JOY) 

I found Sansûkh a couple of months ago, and decided to wait until it was finished to read it (and save it as a sort of treat), as it’s almost complete, but a week or so ago I couldn’t stop myself and started reading it. I intended to take my time, but instead read all of it in less than two weeks because it is so so good. Thank you so much for taking the time to write such an epic. It’s such a beautiful idea and I have so enjoyed reading it.

*MEEPS AND CURLS INTO A SMALL HAPPY BALL*

THANK YOU, THANK YOU SO SO MUCH