1. Don’t waste time being fearful: go for that job that you’re certain you’re not gonna get. What’s the worse that can happen? You are rejected, but you gain interview experience. Self-doubt is really a waste of time.
2. Live in the present. Yes, it is important to plan for the future, but it is easy to put off living until it is too late. Make sure that you have no regrets about what you should have done. Do one exciting thing per year.
3. Know your worth. This applies to both work and relationships; never sell yourself short. No job or romance is more important than your self respect. Also, charge for any unique skills/services that you can offer.
4. Don’t be afraid to leave bad situations. I left a stable but draining teaching job in order to protect my mental health. Even though this was a big risk, it was the best decision I ever made. NOTHING is more important than your mental health.
5. Most 20 somethings feel that they are underachieving. This is normal – especially in today’s financial climate. Don’t feel bad if you are still living at home and cannot afford to rent/buy. I’m 30 and still living at home, saving to buy.
6. People will disappoint you, but most of the time, it’s not about you. Everybody has their own demons and traumas that make them behave in certain ways. If somebody disrespects you, assert your boundaries and keep it moving. Also, examine if there was anything you could have done to avoid the situation. But DO NOT let it eat away at you.
7. In love, nobody owes you anything. Even if they made a promise, they are their own person…Everybody has the right to change their mind and to leave a situation which is not beneficial for them. This is hurtful and hard to accept, but it is the truth.
8. Learn to enjoy your own company. Your 20s can be a lonely time as your social sphere narrows, due to employment, finances and exhaustion. Use this time to find out more about yourself and do the things that you enjoy. There is something liberating about eating at a restaurant alone.
9. Be kind, don’t gossip or overshare. I am still working on this one. It is really difficult to be kind and positive in a world full of annoying people. However, your attitude will influence how you are being perceived. If you are unkind, people will laugh at your jokes but they will never trust you. They will never trust you not to treat them as you treat other people. Remove yourself from toxic people, and only share negativity (sadness/anger/depression) with a therapist and one other person that you trust. If you overshare negative feelings, you may be stereotyped as being full of drama. Furthermore, people will want you to stay in a negative place because it’s entertaining and makes them feel better about their own lives. Just don’t do it.
10. You cannot win every battle. Within conflict, it is tempting to try to force others to agree with your perspective. However, most people are set in their ways, and find it difficult to change their views and behaviours. This is especially important when dealing with toxic family members. You may never get the apology and empathy that you seek, so it is important to accept that every battle cannot be won, and gain validation internally, rather than externally.
lol I really needed this
BOOST
Wise
Good advice
💎💎💎💎💎💎💎
Okay but on like a scale from one to ten, how happy will it actually be?
(1/?) Since I just finished the most glorious fic of our fandom, and am now in awe of your glory, I have questions about your editing process, if you don’t mind; My dream is to be a published novelist, and I am so curious…! So, if I may ask…?
(2/?) How do you like to edit your works? Chapter by chapter, scene by scene, entire work by entire work? Is it all on the computer, or do you print it out and red-pen it up? Do you let other people beta-read, or is it just you aiming for perfection?
(¾) Sorry if that’s so much, and you don’t have to answer, but the editing process is one that has been a serious struggle for me, and one that most authors seem kind of secretive about… But your works are a joy to read and a great inspiration,
(4/4) that I would be foolish not to ask to pick your brain a little. In the meantime, thank you so much for everything you’ve done and written! I hope things are going well for you, your dwarfling is healthy, and your muse never fails! ♡
Hey Nonnie!
Awerhwlkejhfglsjhdfs honestly!! *fans face* that is super nice of you to say, thank you SO much, aaaaah
I think that is a wonderful dream. Go for it, with all your heart and all my love and encouragement.
Okay, well, bear in mind that this is all very subjective!
I do edit A LOT. I am constantly editing, frankly. There is a little bit of everything: sometimes a sentence or a single line of dialogue needs revising, and sometimes a whole scene needs re-writing. It’s not that it is BAD, per se, it is just that perhaps it isn’t adding anything. Or perhaps it is just clumsy, and so rewriting it will refine and distil it.
I do try to “zoom out” on occasion and look at the work as a whole, trying to find the weakest sections. I know I am not impartial when it comes to this, so it can sometimes be a challenge. I feel this is probably my weakest editing skill.
My strongest editing skill is most likely polishing scene by scene. It is sort of like music to me, or art, in that every scene has a sort of… shape, like a flow or a contour. I often think of the shapes of musical phrases, or like, musical structures, for instance. I build them up, remove the ones that interrupt the pace and the flow, re-write the ones that feel like they don’t belong. To me, every scene has to have a point to it, even a short scene. It has to have a reason. Otherwise why are we looking at it? So everything has to fit that shape, that contour. If it deviates, it has to have a REASON to do so. So, if a scene is a slow-building tension before a fight between two friends, and then there is a joke of some sort? That joke diffuses the tension. Why? For me, it would be in order to begin building it again, even higher than before. The joke gives the reader a moment to breathe and relax after all that tension – and then I can ramp it up even more, because the breather means that they have the stamina to come with me.
When editing and re-reading, if I can’t point to a scene and say: “the reason for this scene is [character development/plot advancement/relationship development],” then it doesn’t have a point, and it is time to go back to the drawing board.
I don’t really have a beta-reader. Sometimes one or two friends will be kind enough to look over a draft for me, to check for mood and pacing and stuff – and to reassure me that it isn’t a steaming pile of donkey-doo! But mostly it is me chipping away at it on my own. That’s okay, though: I don’t think there’s a wrong way to do this bit. As long as it is edited.
I don’t print it and red-pen. I do a LOT of highlighting on the word document, and I keep a notebook by the computer for ideas, character tidbits, snippets of dialogue that might get orphaned, etc.
I do read scenes aloud on occasion, to see if it builds properly, if the shape of it is as I hope it is. I also try reading the dialogue alone, without the description/exposition that may now and then happen between lines of dialogue, to hear whether it works as a play would. (Playwriting is honestly an amazing way of learning to condense a LOT of meaning into dialogue ALONE. Reading and performing plays has made me a better writer, I stg.)
Sometimes I look at timing in my scenes or in a chapter, and go URGH. That is when I start to think, “all right – break it down into CAMERA SHOTS.” This helps find the pace of it. For instance, I am not intimidated by battle scenes, because I control the camera. I can remove half the ‘takes’ later on, if they’re not helping. But just having them to begin with will give my battle-scene more space and more life and fullness, rather than simply describing blow after blow after blow.
I edit as I write. I edit after I’ve written two sentences. I edit after I’ve written a paragraph. I edit after I’ve written a whole scene. I edit after I’ve written a chapter. I edit after I’ve posted a chapter. I edit a previous chapter after I’ve tweaked the last one I posted. I edit like a madwoman.
Very often, the editing starts the words coming out again in a faster current, and I have the impetus/inspiration to add a bit more to the end of the work. And off I go again, editing furiously 🙂
This strategy might not help you, though. Some folks do better to write while the words are coming, and edit when they’re finished. No way is right, no way is wrong!
Dets, I’ll have you know that I’m holding you to the “happy ending” tag because OUCH
IT’S GONNA HAPPEN I PROMISE I PROMISE
into the woods: how can we explain difficult ethical decisions to our children?
company: what is the state of heterosexual relationships in the wake of the sexual revolution?
sunday in the park with george: how should artists balance their personal responsibilities to their loved ones with their responsibility to their work?
assassins: what violence and destruction is wrought by the false promise of the american dream?
sweeney todd: What If Gilbert And Sullivan Was Goth
I made myself sad with an idea – when Aule made the dwarfs, and Eru found out, he wanted to destroy them first, and the original dwarf prototypes huddled together in fear and pleading for mercy. What if dwarfs have an unconscious recolletction of that, deep in their bones and souls, and they are so stubborn in their ways and unbending because they have the utmost need to be just as mahal made them else he’ll be displeased and will want to throw them away again.
You are totally on the list of people I want to be like as a grown-up. Because you are just so great and awesome. And you keep going when things are tough. I have so many appreciative feels for you. <3
Hey Nonnie, thank you – that is very beautiful of you to say. Thank you so much.
I haven’t always been able to keep going. Sometimes when I’m in a bad way I have to stop, in order to keep going again later. Sometimes I only have to pause one or two things – sometimes I have to stop everything. And I think that it’s absolutely okay to do so when things are tough. *hugs* Take care, Nonnie, and be kind to yourself, if things are tough for you right now.
fandom mom advice
okay lovelies, I’m going to offer some advice for surviving fandom (and maybe life in general). I’m too tired to engage in in-depth conversation, but here’s are some things that have helped me stay engaged in fandom for a long time.
If someone posts content that upsets you, unfollow and/or block them. Do some people get mad at being blockedor unfollowed? Yes, but that’s not your problem. If they want to throw a hissy fit because they lost a follower, let them. Your safety is important.
Tag stuff properly. Not everyone is at the same comfort level as you and you need to take that into consideration when posting things.
Don’t go in the main tags. I know this hard for some people, but honestly, maintaining a small group of trusted friends and never going in the tags has saved me so much frustration and grief. People put all kinds of stuff in the tags with no regard for other’s feelings. If you follow enough people, you’ll have no need to go into the tags to find content to reblog.
Before you follow someone, check their blog. If I’m thinking about following someone, I scroll through the first couple pages of their blog to see what kind of content they post and what their tagging system is like. If I see a lot of stuff I don’t like, I don’t follow them. You are not obligated to follow every single person in a fandom. Find people you feel safe with and stick by them.
Find people you can have private discussions with/ways to cope with negative feelings. There’s going to be a lot of times where you need to vent and get negativity off your chest. Sometimes someone will piss you off and you need to talk shit about them for a hot second. You’ll see something upsetting on your dash and you need support. If you’re ever feeling that way, reach out or engage in some self-care (this may involve getting off Tumblr for a while) When that happens, find someone you trust and say “Hey, can I talk privately for a second?” One thing I can say about this fandom in particular is there are a lot of good listeners, and a lot of people who are more than willing to help people who are upset, even about non-fandom things. Hell, if you can’t find anyone come talk to me. Bottling it all up or lashing out publicly doesn’t help anyone, especially you. Find what coping skills work best for you. But ultimately you need to find a healthy way to deal with your shit, because hurting people while you’re hurt does nothing but make things worse.
Blacklist things that upset you. Xkit is a wonderful thing and I wouldn’t be able to use Tumblr without it. If someone doesn’t tag a thing you need tagged, ask. I am always willing to tag things for people , no questions asked. If someone is an asshole and yells at you for your need to have things tagged, unfollow them They’re not worth your time.
Sometimes people are awful or do awful things and there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t force people to act a certain way. You can talk to them and explain things, but ultimately it’s up to them to decide how to act. The only thing you can do is make peace with the situation and handle it the best way you can.
If you’re a privileged person and you see marginalized people having a discussion about their oppression, don’t be an asshole. I’ve had to deal with this a lot on Facebook thanks to the current political climate so let me share a few things:
– Don’t explain an oppressed person’s oppression to them. They know about it better than you do.
– If you feel defensive, try listening instead of lashing out. I’m straight and there have been lots of times when I’ve felt defensive while seeing LBGTQ people discuss their oppression. It’s natural to want to defend yourself, but that is not the time or place. That’s the time for you to listen and learn. Don’t do that “Not all [insert group]” nonsense. It’s fucking annoying
– Don’t demand oppressed people educate you. Google is free.
– Oppression is systematic and and cannot be fixed by a singular act done by a singular person.
– People of color discussing racism is not racist. LGBTGQ people discussing homophobia and transphobia is not homophobic or transphobic. Disabled/mentally ill people discussing ablesim is not ableist. Marginalized people discussing their oppression is not harmful to you, the privileged person.
– Don’t tell people how to feel about their oppression
– If oppressed people discussing their oppression and marginalization really pisses you off, you should stay away from the conversation because you’re probably an asshole and no one needs your hot take about something you haven’t experiencedI can’t believe I have to say this but for the love of god DON’T TELL SOMEONE TO KILL THEMSELVES. I shouldn’t have to explain why that’s a fucked up thing to do. If you think death threats are a good way to deal with someone disagreeing with you, perhaps the internet isn’t the place for you.
Ya’ll, I love you and I want you to be happy and safe. Be kind to each other, respect people and their needs/comfort levels. There is literally no reason to be mean to anyone ever. After all, this is a fandom built around two dudes who do weird shit like bathe in ranch dressing and cereal (not at the same time but how hilarious would that be?) How could anyone watch that and then send anon hate?
Aw Yiss 