Tag: asexuality

Just knowing you’re on the ace spectrum gives me hope somedays that maybe I will one day be able to get married and maybe have kids because some days I just don’t feel like anyone could love me if I’m ace so thank you, you give me hope

Hey Nonnie, and all the hugs from me to you right now. You can, you absolutely can. And you are absolutely worth all the love in the world. I hope you find it.

If I have any insight (and everyone’s experience is ofc gonna be different), I’d say that I’ve learned this: it takes a LOT of communication. It takes a lot. You have to keep talking, keep gauging how each other is feeling, and negotiate your way through it. It’s never a once-off conversation, bc if resentment piles up in any relationship, it’s a poisonous sort of thing. 

And to communicate on that level, there has to be trust. SO much trust. I have to trust that I am loved (DIFFICULT when you have a mental illness, sometimes!!!), and Mr Dets must trust that I love him. I trust that he wants me to be happy, and vice-versa. He trusts that I will listen to him and take his wants and opinions on-board, and I do the same. 

It’s very difficult to extend so much trust when you are very insecure or if depression is kicking your butt – I have experience in that department! – but it is very rewarding with the right person, and never, ever doubt that you are worth it. Please believe me when I tell you that you are deserving of love and affection and the future you wish for. 

I had a similar to the other ace anon. I’m asexual, but more indifferent than repulsed, if that makes sense? So I skip porn by default because it’s just not my thing. I read Snowmelt, though, because I knew there would be world-building in it as well as the porn, and I’ve pretty much just been going back and forth all day because ‘porn? bleh’, and ‘determamfidd posted something new? awesome!’.

sdljhfglajshd well, I am glad there was something in it for you to enjoy! 

(me, I tend towards grey-A, not repulsed, indifferent most of the time yeah, but I like LOTSA FEELS and uh… sometimes it works? Infrequently? Yeah, not easy to pinpoint or predict.)

This is why I keep the sexings separate from the main fic, to tell the truth. Bc it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. 

So, quick question: In Sansukh, which of the dwarves of the Company (save Dori) are without their ones? Because i remember Balin was interested in an asexual relationship, and all Nori said was that he “prefers to take care of it on his own,” implying that he is somewhere on the asexual scale as well. But nowhere is there confirmation that they have no Ones, and are, essentially, “solitaries”

Okay, here’s a thing though: No soulmates in Sansukh.

Here’s why. 

The fanon term ‘One’ has been widely used in the Hobbit fandom to describe a fated, pre-ordained, pre-destined match between two people, chosen for them by a third party (usually Aule), without any input from those involved. Often it’s implied that these people were destined for each other from birth or even before, which for me is an uncomfortable thought. Babies can’t choose, it’s not their choice, it’s someone else’s choice. I don’t find that romantic: I consider it more along the lines of an arranged marriage. I got creeped out by the lack of free will and lack of choice implied in this arrangement. And so I use the term sliiiightly differently.

Tolkien says (I’m paraphrasing, but still) that a Dwarf will only love once. If they can’t be with the one they love, then they devote their life to their work instead. So I use the term ‘One’ to mean “one that this Dwarf loves.”

So, there’s no real reason for there to be confirmation of fated Ones or no Ones. People are either romantic or not, sexual or not, and this informs their attractions and decisions in love, just as for any person in our own world. Free will, baby. 

Many amazing and engaging fics use the term ‘One’ to mean pre-selected soulmate, and I have enjoyed those stories, and even recced them. I am not casting aspersions upon those stories or those writers. I am trying to explain my thought process, and what led me to steer clear of a widely-known fanon notion.

Balin is homoromantic ace, btw, and was in a past relationship with Nali which failed (but they remain friends). Nori is aroace, as is Dori. The other Aces of the Company in my fic are our friends Oin and Fili. 

(YES I MADE UP MY MIND, HE IS DEMIROMANTIC ACE.)

idk if you’ve thought of this (probably) but aro/ace boromir.

starlightwalking:

arofili:

YESSSSSSS I LOVE THIS HEADCANON!!!!

Like so much so that I’ve got the url ‘aroboromir’ saved.

Like gosh this is a wonderful headcanon. Aroace Boromir who always supported Faramir in everything, including his silly boyhood crushes, though he didn’t really get what the big deal was all about. Aroace Boromir who began to feel pressure from his father about marrying and continuing the family line, and felt uncomfortable about the prospect of it. Aroace Boromir who secretly always wanted kids (he would have made an AMAZING dad tbh, way better than Denethor ever was) though he couldn’t really idealize who he’d want them with.

Aroace Boromir who is so reminded of little kids by the hobbits (even though technically they were pretty much the same age as him) and immediately grows attached to them, especially Merry and Pippin. Aroace Boromir who disregards Aragorn at first, since he’s both Isildur’s heir AND he never shuts up about his stupid romance with Arwen, geez, it’s not THAT big of a deal man. Aroace Boromir who is deeply troubled while in Lothlorien because of just how deep Galadriel looked into his mind – she saw everything, including his confusion about why he doesn’t feel the same way about romance and sex as everyone else, and he feels laid bare by all the feelings he’d been repressing until then.

Aroace Boromir who waxes poetic about Gondor all the time, loving his country and his family more than anything else. Aroace Boromir who dies defending those who he saw as his children and his friends, aroace Boromir who dies full of love for the Fellowship and for his country, aroace Boromir who never truly discovered who he was. AROACE BOROMIR, GUYS. MY BEAUTIFUL SON WHO DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER, MY BEAUTIFUL AROACE SON.

#I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS#i accept this in my bones#aroace boromir who cares so deeply about the ones he loves and KNOWS that he loves#he just doesn’t love in the way people seem to expect of him#he probably tries to at first#but finds there is no love greater than the love he holds for his family#his little brother#his country#and he values relationships so deeply#and yet he fears it is never enough#because he doesn’t feel that love that faramir cried about for weeks#or the love he sees in aragorn’s eyes when he speaks of arwen#and it scares him and angers him#because he loves with his whole heart and soul#and his love is just as valuable#and he would lay down his life for his dear hobbits#for his countrymen for his friends for his brother for his king#and that is enough#I AM SO EMOTIONAL ABOUT THIS (via brandybuckpuck)

I don’t think I can thank you enough for posting about the Ace Day of Visibility. I had thought that I was asexual but didn’t feel like I conformed to what I thought I knew about asexuality, but because you posted that, I’ve spent the last couple of hours reading through ace blogs and just feeling so happy and learning so much and I feel pretty comfortable for the first time in a really long time about my sexuality. So thank you, thank you, thank you.

OH NONNIE…!

I AM SO HAPPY, SO SO HAPPY FOR YOU! Congratulations! Happy Ace Day of Visibility to you! May you have a truly wonderful day!

Remember! Tomorrow (8th May) is Ace Visibility Day!

avenpt:

  • Ace of Hearts: Alloromantic Asexual – experiences romantic attraction regularly toward one or more genders. This includes orientations such as heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, polyromantic, and panromantic.
  • Ace of Spades: Aromantic Asexual – does not experience romantic attraction toward any gender.
  • Ace of Diamonds: Demiromantic/Demisexual & Grey-aromantic/Grey-Asexual– Experiences romantic and/or sexual attraction only if a strong emotional bond is established. OR Experiences romantic/sexual attraction rarely, not strongly enough to act on, only under specific circumstances, or fluctuates between periods of experiencing attraction and not experiencing it.
  • Ace of Clubs: Questioning/Unsure of Orientation – Aware they fall on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrum, but not sure where.

Source: theasexualityblog.tumblr

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What card will you be holding up?

Hi Dets! I’m having a lot of Sansûkh feelings today and I wanted to thank you for this fic. It’s gorgeous and marvelous and the representation means so much to me, I was so happy when I found out Merilin <3 And I was wondering.. what would you think about a lithsexual/lithromantic character?

*hugs you* Thank you, Nonnie. I am thrilled you enjoy the story.

I have very long-term plans for Merilin! We will be seeing much, much more of her. 

Hmmm, I haven’t currently got any plans for an akio- or  lithsexual/lithromantic character – but dangit, let’s fix that! 

Okay, making stuff up on the go again, but here’s a possibility: I actually think that Frerin is most likely lithromantic & lithsexual. He is very content to admire from afar, but has no real desire to act upon his attraction. 

And now that I come to think of it, I think Laindawar is most likely lithsexual as well. Huzzah for more ace-spectrum characters! Thank you for pointing this out to me, Nonnie – it’s wonderful to add more depth to these people and this world.

Dets, I just want to thank you for ace!Balin, and particularly the fact that he had a relationship not work out because of it. It’s something I’ve been through and it’s no fun, but I love that Balin felt no need to compromise himself, and that he’s so clear on what he needs and wants in that scene with Náli. It means a lot to see an ace character have the experience of their aceness being an issue, but still accepting themselves. Thank you <3

Ah, Nonnie  I am so sorry to hear that happened to you. I am wishing you everything wonderful in the world. *hugs* And I am super-glad that Balin means so much to you – that’s so important to me, and I am really thrilled to hear it.