i know terms like wlw, sapphic, etc. are a bit awkward and are sometimes used in inappropriate ways, and i get why not everyone likes them. but i really appreciate the effort toward a renewed focus on what lesbians and bi women have in common and the desire to unite around that. i think it’s so much healthier than the attitude popular a couple years ago that basically saw us as wildly different species and suggested that bi women who sought community with lesbians were traitors and fools (or vice versa). i feel more hopeful now for young women and girls coming out and venturing onto tumblr, that they might find an online refuge a little less fraught with conflict, with an emphasis on common ground
Tag: bisexuality
Hello! I’m asking about this because you’ve always seemed a very wise and compassionate human being to the ways of the world, and your works have always given me solace. I’m bi, & not out to my parents as they aren’t exactly supportive. Today my mom randomly brought up how Disney was ‘making’ LeFou gay, and how she was glad I “am old enough (I’m 19) to understand,” basically implying if I was younger the movie might have ‘turned me gay,’ per se. Any tips on how to deal with things like this?
Oh cripes. Nonnie, I am sorry. That is a shitty thing for your mum to say to you.
I don’t know if it is advice worth following, because you know your family best. But here is what I would do: I’d ignore her. I would completely, COMPLETELY ignore these hurtful, ignorant comments. I’d say totally nothing. NOTHING. Let the silence get awkward. Let the crickets chirp for every bigoted remark. I’d allow these statements to echo around the room, so she can hear how small it sounds.
if pressed for a comment, I’d probably just shrug. Or flatly: “Okay.”
Then I’d go and vent to a trusted friend who knows me, in safety and in private.
Again, you know your family best, so if this sort of small, silent rebellion wouldn’t work for you, or if you feel it is dangerous, then don’t try it. But I do think it is a good idea to seek out a trusted friend who cares for ALL of you, and let it out. Not in a place your family can overhear, of course!
I’m sorry that this is something you have to face from your folks, Nonnie. And I’m proud of your strength. So proud. You are real, healthy, valid and authentic in your bisexuality, just as you are. *hugs again*
Let’s talk about Brenda Howard for a sec because I feel like all of the people shouting that “het”-partnered bisexuals don’t belong at Pride are missing a good chunk of their Pride history.
Brenda was:
- A bisexual, polyamorous woman and activist
- In a “het” relationship with partner Larry Nelson
- Known as the Mother of Pride for her work in organizing the first LGBT Pride events
- A participant in the Stonewall Riots
- An active member of the Gay Liberation Front, Gay Activists Alliance, Coalition for Lesbian and Gay Rights, BiPAC, and BiNET USA, among others
- Co-founder of the New York Area Bisexual Network
- Founder of the first Alcoholics Anonymous chapter for bisexuals
- An incredibly important figure in the LGBT community, who paved the way for Pride and LGBT activism as we know it today
“Het”-partnered bisexuals don’t just belong at Pride, they were integral to its creation.
(Bonus facts: Brenda was also Jewish, a sex worker, and an outspoken feminist. I highly recommend learning about her because she was seriously an amazing woman.)
of or relating to time as opposed to eternity
So I have this idea,,,for a novel,,about bisexual bffs who fall in love,,,also there’s fantasy,,and cosplay,,,and I’m gonna go write it now,,this is just the cover of what is yet to be
The Definition of Bisexuality (According to Bi Organizations, Activists, and the Community) – Tumblr Mobile Edition
Bisexual Organizations:
http://www.biresource.net/BRC_Brochure_2010.pdf (Bisexual Resource Center: USA)
“The BRC uses bisexual as an umbrella term for people who recognize and honor their potential for sexual and emotional attraction to more than one gender. We celebrate and affirm the diversity of identity and expression regardless of labels.”http://bisexual.org/am-i-bi/ (American Institute of Bisexuality)
“A bi person has the capacity for romantic and/or sexual attraction to more than one gender.”http://www.bisexualindex.org.uk/index.php/AmIBisexual (Bisexual Index: UK)
“This is how we define it: A bisexual is someone who is attracted to more than one gender. You might care about the gender of your partner a lot, a little, or not at all – but their gender doesn’t prevent you from being attracted to them.”http://binetusa.blogspot.com/2014/03/binet-usa-bisexual-media-guide.html (BiNet USA)
“Bisexual – A person whose enduring physical, romantic and/or emotional attraction is to other people of various sexes and/or gender identities. Individuals may experience this attraction in differing ways and degrees over their lifetime.”http://www.torontobinet.org/bi-culture.html (Toronto Bisexual Network)
“Bisexuality is the potential to feel attracted to and to engage in sexual and/or romantic relationships with people of any sex or gender.”Activists:
http://robynochs.com/quotes/ (Robyn Ochs; Bisexual Activist)
“I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”
Community on Tumblr:
“Bisexuality is the attraction to two or more genders, not necessarily to the same extent, not necessarily in the same way, not necessarily at the same time.”
http://bi-privilege.tumblr.com/idingasbipolyorpan
“bisexuality is, broadly speaking, the attraction to two or more genders. bisexuality is not inherently or transphobic or exclusive of non binary genders—note that there are both binary and non-binary trans people who identify as bisexual. it is possible for bisexuals to be attracted to be attracted to anywhere from two to an infinite number of genders. many times, bisexuals will define their own sexuality as the attraction to both similar and different genders (which encompasses all genders). however, it is important to remember that bisexuals can be attracted to multiple genders without being attracted to people of their own gender. for example, an agender bi person may be attracted to women, bigender, and genderfluid people, or a bi woman might be attracted to men and agender people…..”
http://bi-privilege.tumblr.com/definitions
“bisexual: the (sexual) attraction to two or more genders. sometimes defined as the attraction to same + different genders; however, this is not true of all bisexuals.”
http://biphobic-bisexual.tumblr.com/faq
“bisexuality is the attraction to two or more genders”
http://bisexuality-is.tumblr.com/faq
“Bisexuals have been defining bisexuality as the attraction to two or more/same and other for decades. This isn’t some made-up tumblr joke. Words change meaning. Prefixes change meanings. We didn’t even give ourselves the term bisexual to begin with, doctors did.”
http://nonmono-perspective.tumblr.com/definitions
“bisexual- sexually attracted to your same/similar gender and other gender(s), OR sexually attracted to 2 or more genders. Some bisexuals feel that they experience different kinds or degrees of attraction to different genders/gender presentations.”
http://pinkpurplebluepride.tumblr.com/faq
“Bi: attracted to two or more genders. Some people will define it as “attracted to similar and different genders,” but this is slightly less inclusive than the above definition. I’m of the mind that “similar and different” evolved to satisfy bi=2 prescriptivists, but they are insatiable and forever gross.”
http://thesunnysideofbeingbi.tumblr.com/basics
“…being bi does not reinforce the gender binary. And some bi people are only attracted to men and women–and that’s ok! However, bi is not defined as the attraction to men and women, or two genders. It can be for an individual, but not for our entire community. That definition is not only false, but harmful. (This is not to imply that bi people can’t be transphobic!)
This also means that you don’t have to be sexually attracted to people to be bi. There are so many different kinds of attraction, and to just focus on bisexuality would be excluding a lot of people (e.g. being biromantic).”
http://bisexuwhale-pride.tumblr.com/faq
“What does bisexual mean?
Attraction to:
1. Two or more genders or
2. More than one gender.”
http://themeaningofbisexuality.tumblr.com/
“Bisexuality is the attraction to two or more genders”
http://soloontherocks.tumblr.com/post/104877455841/nothing-extraordinary-soloontherocks-got-it
“Bisexuality is not half gay and half straight. Bisexuality is not in between gay and straight. Bisexuality is not gay when dating the same gender and straight when dating a different gender. Bisexuality is not gay-ish or straight-ish.
Bisexuality is its own fully independent self-contained complete orientation.”
http://bifaq.tumblr.com/post/124565262825/i-dont-find-bi-means-2-to-be-offensive-and-im
http://julietburgess.tumblr.com/post/17986625411/bisexual-is-not-oppressive-can-we-talk-about
Other things worth the read about the definition of bisexuality:
Bisexual Manifesto from 1990:
http://binetusa.blogspot.com/2014/01/1990-bi-manifesto.html
“We are tired of being analyzed, defined and represented by people other than ourselves, or worse yet, not considered at all. We are frustrated by the imposed isolation and invisibility that comes from being told or expected to choose either a homosexual or heterosexual identity.
Monosexuality is a heterosexist dictate used to oppress homosexuals and to negate the validity of bisexuality.
Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have “two” sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders. Do not mistake our fluidity for confusion, irresponsibility, or an inability to commit. Do not equate promiscuity, infidelity, or unsafe sexual behavior with bisexuality. Those are human traits that cross all sexual orientations. Nothing should be assumed about anyone’s sexuality, including your own.
We are angered by those who refuse to accept our existence; our issues; our contributions; our alliances; our voice. It is time for the bisexual voice to be heard“
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/aj-walkley/bisexual-gender-binary_b_2425081.html
”Defining bisexuality, just like defining any identity label, can be complicated and controversial. My definition of the label “bisexual” is informed by the work of The Bisexual Organizing Project. It includes people who use labels such as “bisexual,” “non-monosexual,” “persexual,” “omnisexual,” “ambisexual,” “pansexual,” “queer” or any other term that people use to identify themselves as individuals who are emotionally, romantically or physically attracted to people of more than one sex, gender or gender identity. I also recognize that not everyone chooses to adopt a label to describe their sexual orientation, and I also include non-labeling people who see themselves as part of a queer, non-monosexual or bisexual community under my definition of “bisexual.”“
Reasons why the prefix/etymology argument is not a very good one against “bi = attraction to 2 or more”
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etymological_fallacy
http://bifaq.tumblr.com/post/124565262825/i-dont-find-bi-means-2-to-be-offensive-and-im
http://bi-privilege.tumblr.com/post/88492965880/but-bi-means-two-fun-fact-did-u-know-we
http://freelgbtqpia.tumblr.com/post/112776160876/how-couldnt-but-bi-means-two-doesnt-it-its-the
http://ideas.ted.com/20-words-that-once-meant-something-very-different/
Jeri stood up and took
a deep breath, trying in vain to stop a grin spreading over their
cheeks too much – they didn’t want to give it away. Genild and Beri
were sitting with their hands clasped in their laps and looking at
their child expectantly; Jeri could tell their amad was annoyed at
being made to wait. Ever since they had informed both of them that
they had some news to tell that evening, Jeri had been unable to
concentrate at work, willing time to speed up until past dinnertime.“Spit it out!”
Genild exclaimed, almost falling off the end of the chair.It wasn’t staying
hidden for very much longer.“How would you both
feel,” they began, “about being grandmothers?”
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Jade I am squealing like an idiot at the screen, AHHHH GENILD, BERI, GRANNIES BABY AHHHHHH
Thank you so so much!!
To the bi/pan anon: usually (from what I’ve seen the most) pansexuality is described as an attraction to people, regardless of the gender. Aka “hot damn, what a person.” Bisexuality is an attraction to all genders, meaning the gender is still included in the “oh no they’re hot” reaction. As a bi person, I know I feel different kinds of sexual attraction for girls, boys and nbs. But of course, other bi or pan people may feel differently on the subject – it’s all very personal in the end. *shrugs*
Thanks, Nonnie! Bi/Pan anon – another definition and perspective for you *hugs*
Out of curiosity, how do you, personally, differentiate bisexuality and pansexuality? Like, I identify as pan b/c I like how it includes all genders. Which, I think you can totally be attracted to all genders if you’re bi, but I like how saying you’re pansexual starts up the conversation of, “Wait, there are more than two genders?? Cool!!” Well, and I identify more with it than with bisexuality, so, there is that. I’d love to hear any opinions you might have on the subject! :)
Hey Nonnie!
Welp, as you mentioned, this is a personal identification. And so others will not necessarily use this same definition.
I think of bisexuality as = attraction to same gender + other genders. And of pansexuality as attraction to all genders? I guess. there is overlap, obviously.
So, same gender, for me, is those who identify as women. But I can and have also been attracted in the past to those who identify as men, and those who are nonbinary, agender or genderfluid. It’s not an either/or thing for me.
I use the word ‘bisexual’ rather than ‘pansexual’ because that word has been a part of me for so long now. It really is very enmeshed with my identity – as me. All the bits of me that very much inform my sense of who I am: white, cis, female, Australian, musician, dork, bisexual.
I like that conversation myself!! I try to bring it up when I can. It’s a good one to have!
I have seen? An argument somewhere/somewhen that said something along the lines of ‘people identify as bisexual until they know better/have learned more, and then they know to call themselves pansexual’. That honestly may be the case for many, but not for me. I learned to understand myself a long time ago, I have made the word ‘bisexual’ part of me 15 years ago. I have been ‘bi’ for nearly half my life. So to dismiss the word I use to describe a massive part of my sense of self as ‘unlearned’ is a bit hurtful, tbh?
Aaaaanyway, there’s a bit of a rambly answer, Nonnie! I hope it helps you. Basically, I think the word you use will have its own meaning, interpretation and impact upon your identity and interactions – that’s why we choose them, I guess! Be it bisexuality or pansexuality, the choice to name that aspect of yourself is totally up to you and how you feel. Like they say: you’re the only expert on your feelings!
Sorry if it’s personal, but how did you come to figure out you were bisexual? I’ve been questioning my own sexuality a lot recently, and I’m curious how people can decide for sure.
It’s very much a personal thing, Nonnie – not that I’m unwilling to talk about it, but I mean that it is for each person to decide for themselves. Some people prefer the term ‘pansexual’, but I prefer ‘bisexual’ as it is the word I have used to describe myself for 15 years now, and is very much a part of my identity.
I was always aware that I looked at bodies in a very aesthetic sense – decidedly not in a sexual sense – through my years of dance tuition. That included all bodies, regardless of gender.
I developed quite late – I was at least 16-17 when puberty finally decided to happen! And then I found that my aesthetic attraction had a rather romantic edge as well. Still no sexual attraction.
It wasn’t until I was around 18 or so, living independently (and, in grand old Australian tradition, drunk as a skunk) that I finally discovered that there was a particular girl at a party that really boiled my potatoes, so to speak! That was a surprise to me. Following that, I had a few relationships with people of differing genders, and found that I was very compatible with all of them, physically speaking. I began to consider myself bisexual.
I met Mr Dets when I turned 20, and fell in love with him maybe three-four months into our relationship. It’s been 13 years now, and I still love and am tremendously attracted to him. I am of the monogamous variety of person, me.
So, there’s a little blurb on me, and how I learned about myself. Your own journey will be different, because you’re the only one who can see into your own desires and choose a word to describe them. I hope my journey is a help to you, Nonnie. Good luck in everything you do *hugs*
Aw Yiss 