For various real life reasons, I am really depressed right now.
What is keeping me from just crawling back into bed and hiding from the world are fics, humans and aliens posts and @determamfidd and her commentary on all things Australia.
*HUGS STITCH HARD* I am so sorry things are so rough rn, Stitch. You are such a mithril-plated lil fuzzy alien sweetheart.
Here’s a solid gold bit of Australiana trivia – and it is both true and hysterical.
The entrepeneur, activist and philanthropist Dick Smith is a household name here in Oz. He sells Australia-made products, such as peanut butter and cereal and spreads, and used to own the largest electronics chain in the country. He has a real bee in his bonnet about Australia-made stuff – to the point that, when Kraft bought out Vegemite, he made his own version and called it Ozemite.
he looks like this:
This is the face of an epic pranker. Remember that.
And so, one April day, an iceberg floated into Sydney Harbour. He said he’d towed it from Antarctica. They christened it the ‘Dickenberg One’.
People began demanding to carve off bits of it, which they called ‘dicksicles.’ Dick claimed that they would improve the flavour of any drink, bc of the astounding purity.
(STICK A DICKSICLE IN YA DRINK, MAKE IT TASTE GOOD)
As the Dickenberg began to melt, it was revealed to be a sheet of white plastic over a mountain of foam and shaving cream. But not before every radio station had gone berserk with excitement over the iceberg in Sydney Harbour.
It rates as #12 of the most epic April Fool’s pranks of all time, apparently. Hope this made you smile, beautifullest Stitch.
Concept Based on this Thing I Reblogged: So let’s say Gimli and Legolas end up being part of the Galaxy Far Far Away and they are totally at home with the Rebellion.
Also, Gimmers and Leggy are the reason why the Rogue One team survives instead of being Death Star toast. So they end up adopting the entire Rogue One crew because REASONS, that’s why.
And because I cannot conceive of a universe that has Leggy and Gimmers together without thinking of @determamfidd and Sansukh, the Ghostly Peanut Gallery gets to watch all the shenanigans! They get to adopt the Rogue One gang! And Skywalkers later on!
(Also, I cannot get over Legolas and Gimli mourning with Leia over the loss of Alderaan and exchanging mourning customers with her and maybe helping her with her elaborate braids, y/y?)
Also, to everyone’s horror, Jyn Erso and Legolas TOTALLY BOND AND BECOME BESTIES. Because Jyn totally reminds Leggy of a certain redheaded Elf captain. Maybe she’s a reincarnation? Who knows? **winkwinknudgenudge**
And Chirrut, because OF COURSE IT’S GOING TO START WITH OUR FAVORITE LITTLE SHIT SPACE NINJA, is totally going to notice Gimmers’ Dead Peanut Gallery of Relatives and will totally take to them all. He will give a whole new meaning to I am one with the Force, the Force is with me.
STITCH OMG AAAAAHAHAHAHAHA
THAT IS STUPENDOUS
(dead peanut gallery hanging out with Force-Ghosts, anyone? :p )
Look, we’re all on tenterhooks wondering what will happen with @determamfidd and Sansukh, but it’s fairly safe to say it’s going to end with a wedding feast?
And so, Legolas and Gimli are understandably terrified at the shenanigans that will ensue at said wedding feast, considering their respective relatives but!
They did not count upon the Master Cookie Thief.
Now, really, Gimli should’ve expected shenanigans from his beloved and mischief-loving sister-son but he wasn’t prepared for this level, the kind of shenanigans that would also cause Thranduil Elven-king to have kittens.
And cookie-crumbs on his elegant robes.
Because, really, Thranduil Elven-king was said to be delighted with precious jewels but nobody expected that his true weakness would be discovered and exploited by one clever little dwarven badger of the line of Durin. (Read: Chocolate and Caramel Chip cookies)
Also, Thranduil Elven-king was rendered helpless considering his own son was aiding and abetting the Master Cookie Thief of Erebor in raiding cookie jars under the mountain.
Legolas discovered this for himself when he found cookie-crumbs in Laerophen’s hair!
And thus, Erebor, the Greenwood and Dale were suitably distracted from the “billing and cooing” of newlyweds Legolas and Gimli because they were too busy howling for justice over their depleted cookie jars!
Gimizh plans to raid the Shire next, with his faithful and loyal Elven apprentice. He may have allies in the persons of the young Gamgee children.
EEEP STITCH OMFG
YES YES YES YES AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA – Thranduil shall be seduced to the Cookie side of the Force! JUSTICE FOR OUR DENUDED CAKE TINS, NO JAR LEFT UNFILLED *fistpump*
(LAEROPHEN IS LONG FALLEN LMAO)
oh whoa Gimizh and the Gamgee kids, can you imagine… it’d be like the Pied Piper, except cakes and cookies and pies. The Pie Piper. *snrk*
I love you, dearest, you’ve made me laugh aloud in a tough time. *hugs and hugs* Thank you, your crack is always exactly the medicine the doctor ordered :)))
So the first thing one needs to remember is that this mess is really all Legolas and Gimli’s fault.
Beren had his Luthien, Tuor had his Idril, Aragorn had his Arwen …. you had all that romantic, epic, sweeping tragic, star-crossed romances that bards will warble happily over.
Of course, epic romance kind of goes out the window when one has to deal with a scruffy, hopelessly adorable Ranger who will steal his Queen away for what was supposed to be a romantic picnic near the waterfalls of Ithilien but ends up on a wild adventure involving Corsairs and pirates and said pirates now shuddering with terror at the name of Arwen Evenstarand how perilous she was with the sword Hadhafang gleaming bright in her hands…. no, wait, that’s still fairly epic. Aragorn was insufferable with his pride and adoration of his beloved Queen for months.
But we digress.
Legolas. Gimli. An equally epic romance that caused an Elven-king to have kittens, a near bloodbath in the Halls of Erebor because a Dwarf-lord also had kittens at the prospect of an Elven son-in-law and one Ranger-turned-King who will still down practically a barrel of the best Shire ale when he recalls the wedding. Because, of course, he would be the long-suffering Best Man for both his dearest friends.
Yes. It was during the wedding of Legolas and Gimli that an Idea was born.
An Idea that would lead to the legendary partnership of a Ranger and a Hobbit and that same Ranger partnering with a Wood-Elf pretending to be a Hobbit.
It’s a long story that takes two hours to tell.
The best teller of this tale is Harding Welsh, Dwarf of Erebor and current Chief of the Rangers of the North, who are currently now composed of the Dunedain, the Rohirrim, Wood-Elves who are as daft as their Prince Legolas, Hobbits and Dwarves, Elrond’s Twins and of course, Legolas and Gimli as well, because “Aragorn-laddie, it’s not as if my ghivashele and I wouldn’t enjoy an adventure hewing orc-heads now and then.”
It was the whole romance that gave rise to the Idea in the first place. Why couldn’t the Free Peoples of Middle-earth continue to work together in much the same way when they united in order to overthrow the Shadow of Mordor? It wasn’t as if evil was going away forever with Sauron gone. It wasn’t as if they all didn’t learn how much stronger they all were when they’d set aside their differences and opened their hearts and learned that the best sight in all of creation would be Thranduil somehow succumbing to an alcoholic beverage more potent than Dorwinion wine and happily nattering to Gloin about baby Legolas’ escapades.
This would be during the second wedding feast for the happy couple, upon their return to their respective homes and families.
It begins this way (as soon as Welsh has downed at least a pint of the best ale from Dale-town and smoked a pipe of Longbottom Leaf.)
The Ranger Benton Fraser first came to the Shire on the trail of the killers of his father…
– tbc –
Look, @determamfidd updated Sansukh and it finally gave a much needed kick in the head to my crackfic plot bunnies. Plus, it’s a tradition in the Blanket Fort that when she gives us more Sansukh, I end up cracking liek whoa.
Wish me luck!
I’M DYING OF LAUGHTER, MY SIDES HURT AUGHHHHH STITCH YOU DARLING ILU
Now I’m not sure how @determamfidd will deliver the Epic Kitten Scene involving one Snooty Elven King and an Attack Shrub™ Dwarf but I kinda imagine it going this way:
I am wishing @determamfidd all the inspiration and time and good vibes in her writing of the next Sansukh chapter.
In the meantime, does it make me a very, very, VERY bad fuzzy blue alien when my reaction to Thranduil having Major Kittens over the Legolas/Gimli is this?
(Look, I’m not really worried about Gloin and his own kittens, because Gloin has plenty of people around him to smack sense into his Attack Shrub Brain™ not counting the Dwarfly Ghostly Peanut Gallery™ )
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEH
dyou know, i…. think I have finished? omfg. 14k of it woohoooooo!
(God, it feels rough as guts, every word has been like carving runes with a chisel, I AM SO RUSTYYYY, ugh.)
I’m gonna let it sit for an hour or two, before I come back to do the final read-through and edit. And then: POST
The boys would like to maintain that “actions speak louder than words” and they can’t really remember who said what.
Because Steve knew how much Bucky loved him when he said, “I’m with you ‘till the end of the line” at that absolute worst moment in his life with his Ma dead and gone and Steve knowing he had absolutely nothing left…. except for Bucky.
Because Bucky knows how much Steve loves him when he nags at him to “eat up, you jerk – I didn’t spend all day slaving away at this kitchen trying to get my Ma’s recipe right just for you to turn your nose up.”
See: “You’re a punk.” / “You’re a jerk.”
Also the fact that chicken soup with matzoh balls is Jewish penicillin and Bucky mastered his Ma’s recipe for it so that he could pull Steve back from one more debilitating illness, one more time.
And that on one truly cold winter dawn, Bucky pressed his lips against a feverish Steve’s forehead and whispered, I love you, Steven Grant Rogers. Don’t you leave me. Don’t you go anywhere, do you hear me?
And Steve remembers opening his eyes and whispering back, No. Not without you.
Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background
“Buck is that a picture of…. my ass?!”
“Well, your ass looked delicious in those jeans. I needed to have something pretty to look at.”
“…”
“Don’t worry, baby doll. The nekkid version is my wallpaper.”
“JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES!”
(Steve tends to change his phone screensaver and background fairly frequently and of course, they’re all pictures of Bucky.)
Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror
Look, y’all would think Steven Grant Rogers would be the kind of little shit who’d leave intricate artwork in fog on the bathroom mirror and he could totally do that.
Totally.
Except he basically just leaves little love notes so that Bucky will see them first thing in the morning and most of the time, these are all the endearments Steve would normally not speak out loud.
Bucky blushes every time he sees them.
Who buys the other cheesy gifts
Look, Steve totally doesn’t still have that Cracker Jack ring toy that a six year old Bucky used to propose to him, even though they didn’t know that boys couldn’t marry each other at that point in time.
He doesn’t.
He totally doesn’t have it threaded through his dog tags, along with Bucky’s Ma’s wedding ring and it wasn’t with him when he froze in the Arctic and it’s still not around his neck to this very day.
Also, Steve has never forgotten the beatdown he delivered to Big Mike, who tore up the baseball card Bucky gave him on his birthday, when they were about nine years old. It didn’t matter that Big Mike had a foot over Steve – Steve whaled on him with a garbage can lid and kicked him in the ass for good measure. Bucky had to pull him off.
Who initiated the first kiss
Once upon a time, a little shit named Steve Rogers had an objection to make when Bucky Barnes nervously gave him a peck on the cheek after confessing that he’d loved him this entire time – prior to Bucky running off for Basic training.
“On the cheek? All this and I get a kiss on the cheek? What’s the matter with your aim, James Buchanan? My lips are right here!”
Bucky’s not an expert marksman for nothing. He got it right on the second try.
Also – Steve may have glommed on him like an octopus, in the privacy of their apartment, once Bucky presented himself in his brand new uniform. Kisses were definitely exchanged then.
Who kisses the other awake in the morning
Somebody in this relationship is a grumpy jerk in the mornings, who will burrow himself in his blankets and will not stir, not unless he gets a snuggle and a kiss. Actually, several kisses.
The person delivering kisses would be Steve.
Who starts tickle fights
Bucky knows all of Steve’s weak spots and has been known to pounce on him – bitty or big – especially if Steve’s about to come up with one of his “cockamamie plans – I swear to God, Rogers – I will make sure you hit your hundredth birthday even if it kills me.”
(Bucky no longer really makes that joke considering Certain Events, but the sentiment is still there. Also, he loves the noises he gets out of Steve when tickling is commenced.)
Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower
“Five minutes, Buck – can you keep your hands off my ass for five fucking minutes? I’m in the shower!”
“We have been separated for seventy years – let me savor the moment, punk.”
“Mmmm…. didn’t you already do a lot of savoring this morning – mmmph!”
Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch
“STEVEN GRANT ROGERS, YOU WILL PUT THOSE REPORTS AWAY, SIT DOWN AND YOU WILL EAT MY MA’S POTATO KUGEL OR SO HELP ME –”
Who was nervous and shy on the first date
Little Sophie B, Knight is the sole witness to her great-uncle being a nervous wreck on the day of his first date with Steve. Between her and favorite “cousin” Peggy Jones, they managed to wrangle “Uncle Bucky” into an outfit that would pass “Aunty Nat’s” exacting standards and make him look smart and handsome and not “just having crawled out of a dumpster.”
It was Sophie who suggested that “Uncle Bucky” take “Uncle Punk” to Coney Island on their first official 21st Century Date.
Who kills/takes out the spiders
Steve totally wasn’t the one who screamed when surprised by a “giant fucking hairy spider – don’t you laugh, Buck, what is that, some kind of escaped science experiment? GET IT OUT!”
(Bucky maintains it was just a teeny tiny little guy, minding his own business and actually trying to eat mosquitoes. “For fuck’s sake, Steve.”)
Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk
“Stevie! She’sh mah best girl. Sunshine hair and eyes like the blue blue sky. Coulda get lost in those eyes. Jus’ like an ocean. Ass you can sink your teeth in. My baby gives me the sweetest shugar in alla Brooklyn. My Stevie! That’s my baby-doll!”
“Man, Sarge has it bad for that girl of his. Wish I could have me a dame like his Stevie….”
I can totally see Gimizh visiting Mirkwood and teaching masterclasses in STEALING ALL THE COOKIES.
And His Snooty-nibs is like Not Allowed to Object Because He Will Be Overrun By Pouting Dwarfling Badgers AND Kids From Dale AND THEN IF HOBBITS ARE BROUGHT INTO THE PICTURE, MAY ELBERETH HAVE MERCY ON HIS SOUL.
I think I may need to write Sansukh-caused Crack soon, Dets!
*me, holding flag and banner and wearing hat and shirt with “STITCH CRACKS ME UP” written on them*
The truth is, I believe that Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, son of Thror, gave his throne up to his cousin Dain, who proved himself worthy of the Raven Crown.
(Dain had protested, but his cousin would hear none of it. To this, Thorin’s only reply was: I have brought our kin home but I will not repeat my grandsire’s mistakes.)
The truth is that I believe Fili and Kili followed their uncle, but not before a tearful reunion with their Mam, who certainly needed to know that her sons still lived. Often, Fili and Kili would make the journey between the Shire and Erebor, bringing with them gifts for their family and kin.
And if perhaps, a red-haired Elf wandered the Shire in Kili’s company, most Shire-folk paid it no mind since Bilbo Baggins was known to have outlandish visitors. And perhaps there were those who saw the starlight in the red-haired Elf’s eyes and smiled to themselves at her joy, shared by her Dwarven companion.
The truth is, Durin’s sons chose deliberately to fade from the story, aided and abetted by the clever storytelling of their Burglar and little Frodo.
The truth is, Fili and Kili would have gone with Frodo on his quest, but the Council had decided that Frodo needed stealth and secrecy more and the fewer companions, the better it would be. So Gimli alone represented his kin and he carried Fili’s knives with him.
The truth is, when the Orcs came for Rivendell, Durin’s sons fought alongside the Elves in that battle and helped them win the day and so it was that Arwen, Aragorn’s future Queen, would be safely brought to Gondor.
The truth is that Thorin Oakenshield actually died from the wounds he sustained in the battle for Rivendell, but not before pressing kisses to his beloved Burglar, whispering love and thanks for a life that was long and well-lived and filled with peace and joy.
The truth is that when Gimli confessed to his cousins the love that grew between him and the son of Thranduil, Fili and Kili found cause for laughter again and Tauriel would join Legolas when he established his Elf colony in the woods of Ithilien. And Gimli would have his kin with him in the Glittering Caves.
The truth is that when Bilbo set foot in Elvenhome, the Hobbit would soon be brought by Olorin to the gates of Aule’s Halls, so that he would be reunited with his Dwarf-king again.
Technically speaking, one cannot be “accidentally” elected President of the United States.
Here are Ten Things You Need to Remember:
1. Upon hearing that a certain Rich Nuisance was actually serious about running for the highest office in the land, Hamilton said, “If any jackass can run for President, I’m throwing my hat into the ring. Rogers, you’re my running mate.”
2. Steve “eeped” but to be honest, his judgment was slightly impaired by Thor’s Asgardian mead. Also, it’s really hard to say no to an actual Founding Father.
3. It totally didn’t help that Bucky egged him on about it. “I’d always wanted to be the Second Lady. Or Gentleman.”
“Do not throw away your shot, Rogers,” Hamilton smirked.
Some epic facepalming ensued.
4. It also didn’t help that Tony Stark – who is decidedly Hamilton’s Favorite Non-Nuisance Rich Person – kicked off the HamiltonRogers2k16 campaign by making the generous donation of USD$5,000. He was perfectly happy to give more.
5. There may have been a Ghostly Peanut Gallery composed of Dead Founding Fathers, Family Members, Dwarves, Two Hobbits and Peggy (NOT Schulyer) cheering the two idiots on.
6. Except for Thomas Jefferson, who pouted in a corner, chanting, “Never gon’ be President, my gawd, what is this country coming to?”
7. Attys. Matt Murdock and Foggy Nelson actually filed the necessary documents.
8. Officially, they were running under the revived Federalist Party. Okay, they weren’t really running for President – Hamilton was just trying to prove a point. But he was amazingly eloquent about their proposed platform and Steve, of course, could be depended upon to back him up.
Also, the putdowns of certain candidates were incredibly entertaining.
9. And then, Hamilton and Rogers basically summed up their talking points in an amazing rap that was helpfully contributed by A Dot Ham’s favorite adopted Puerto Rican son.
“Why the hell did you give me the fastest bits of the rap? Do I look like Lafayette to you?”
“Try to tell me you’re not able to rap like you’re running out of time,” was the cool response.
Steve was too busy snickering in the background.
10. Alexander Hamilton and Steve Rogers won by a landslide. Ooops?
#HamiltonRogers2k16, Blanket Fort Crack because I crack what I want, fandom!
(Yep, I made a Sansukh reference. Hi, @determamfidd – the crack for your last update was WAY overdue!)
Aw Yiss 