Dets, are you okay?

giggle-fit:

determamfidd:

Hey Nonnie, I’m all right physically, but emotionally I’ve been better.

Sorry for the long dramatic silence, everyone. I am now finished with work for the year, which is great. I can work on a bit of self-care at last, then on the upcoming holidays, and then begin preparing for the new bubba.

I’m at 27 weeks now. Struggling with the heat, some pretty nasty pre-partum depression, exhaustion, etc. This Dwarfling is bigger than my first, and MUCH stronger, and looooves to kick me awake at night. I am just. very tired, all the time. Dealing with family stuff and my energetic, curious, amazing lil toddler is honestly about all my body is allowing me to accomplish.

I don’t want to sound self-pitying or like a big drama-queen whiner – I’m managing, and I’m lucky: I have no major pregnancy complications, my baby is healthy and growing well, I have a house and food and stuff. I’m just very, very tired.

Thanks for thinking of me, Nonnie. *hugs* you’re a kind soul.

Wait….there’s PRE-partum depression?!?!?

Yep and it stinks. Also known as prenatal or antenatal depression. It’s important to be upfront about your mental health history when you’re pregnant, and to let your caregivers know when/if you’re low. They’re all aware I have depression, that my PND last time around was p extreme, and that I undergo panicky episodes that have increased in severity with my pregnancy (I HATE DRIVING SO MUCH RIGHT NOW, I stg – my heartrate scares me when people honk the horn at each other…!).

I’m getting support through my shared care arrangements: both from my lovely GP and from the midwives at the hospital. It’s covered by medicare and my taxes, so hooray for that at least, that’s one less stress to consider.

I’m getting through without my meds, thanks to the help of a diverse team of awesome ladies, all working together. But I had to let them know, and I have to keep letting them know. That’s my job.

DETS YOU’RE BACK!!! bounces like a tiggery thing

Hey Nonnie!

Yes, I’m venturing back. Apologies for the long absence. I tend to disappear from the internet when my brain is doing the depression fandango, in order to devote what energy I have to my family and responsibilities. I’m sorry I was away so long, but I think I’m on the upswing now!

darthstitch:

For various real life reasons, I am really depressed right now.

What is keeping me from just crawling back into bed and hiding from the world are fics, humans and aliens posts and @determamfidd and her commentary on all things Australia.

*HUGS STITCH HARD* I am so sorry things are so rough rn, Stitch. You are such a mithril-plated lil fuzzy alien sweetheart.

Here’s a solid gold bit of Australiana trivia – and it is both true and hysterical.

The entrepeneur, activist and philanthropist Dick Smith is a household name here in Oz. He sells Australia-made products, such as peanut butter and cereal and spreads, and used to own the largest electronics chain in the country. He has a real bee in his bonnet about Australia-made stuff – to the point that, when Kraft bought out Vegemite, he made his own version and called it Ozemite.

he looks like this:

This is the face of an epic pranker. Remember that.

He pulled off a serious corker of an April Fool’s joke in 1978. He’d been telling the media for months that he could provide fresh water to drought-prone areas – all without the need for a desalination plant.

And so, one April day, an iceberg floated into Sydney Harbour. He said he’d towed it from Antarctica. They christened it the ‘Dickenberg One’.

People began demanding to carve off bits of it, which they called ‘dicksicles.’ Dick claimed that they would improve the flavour of any drink, bc of the astounding purity.

(STICK A DICKSICLE IN YA DRINK, MAKE IT TASTE GOOD)

As the Dickenberg began to melt, it was revealed to be a sheet of white plastic over a mountain of foam and shaving cream. But not before every radio station had gone berserk with excitement over the iceberg in Sydney Harbour.

It rates as #12 of the most epic April Fool’s pranks of all time, apparently. Hope this made you smile, beautifullest Stitch.

Heh. “Dicksicles.”

I tried few times already to ask you that, but I felt lost at words, maybe this time I’ll succeed. So, from the beginning : I have never been one to cry or depress easily, but lately I feel like I am in void. I have no one to talk to(my friends have their own lives), I am attracted to many genders and not still comfortable with it, living with very strict, Catholic family. I feel alone and sad. I wanted to ask… How do you deal with such things? How you make yourself believe that you matter?

shamananana:

determamfidd:

Nonnie, you matter. You matter. YOU MATTER.

If I were to hazard a guess, I’d say that this is totally depression talking, Nonnie. It’s not all crying – often it is a blankness, a nothingness, a meaninglessness… a sense of just drifting in time and space while life happens to everyone else. A “void”. This is EXACTLY the way my mental script plays out, right before I go into ‘hibernation mode’ and withdraw from the world.

I get off the internet. I spend time with my family and friends, people who know ALL of me and truly care about me. I see a professional therapist. I am on medication, and probably will be for the rest of my life. I take on projects that I enjoy, such as composing, or sewing. I work with my students, teaching them to do a thing I love (music and singing). That’s how I manage. And sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.

I don’t know how to deal with your family situation, I am so sorry. But I am proud of you. You have a capacity for love that is simply wonderful and unique, and I hope you can feel comfortable with it one day soon – maybe even joy and pride yourself.

I feel that your friends would most likely want to know that you are feeling so lost. Yeah, they have their own lives – but you are their FRIEND, and you matter to them. They’ll make as much space and time for you as they can, BECAUSE YOU ARE THEIR FRIEND AND YOU MATTER TO THEM.

I feel as though you should see a professional for some help also. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to stretch your hands out to people, PLEASE.

You matter, Nonnie. And you deserve care and friendship and companionship. You deserve to feel as though you are a part of the world and not just drifting through it. You deserve acceptance and love. You are a person, a wonderful real living complicated fabulous human person, right here and now, and you MATTER.

@determamfidd , it’s me.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I’m a sobbing mess and yet, I’m a little bit better.

‘’Light on the Horizon’’ is now playing in the background, and you know what, Dets? You are one of those bright stars, helping people steer through dark waters. With your amazing music, fics with diversity, kind words. Through half the world, you made me feel better.

Thank you. I’ll try to sleep now. And tomorrow, I’ll seek help.

You are so bright for a star.

Your fan,

Shamanana.

hey there – you’re super kind, omfg thank you. And I’m really, REALLY glad you’re going to seek help. It’s a brave and strong step to take, and I am behind you all the way, ALL the way.

Sleep well and peacefully, friend. You’re going to be all right, in time. You’re not alone, and you matter.

I tried few times already to ask you that, but I felt lost at words, maybe this time I’ll succeed. So, from the beginning : I have never been one to cry or depress easily, but lately I feel like I am in void. I have no one to talk to(my friends have their own lives), I am attracted to many genders and not still comfortable with it, living with very strict, Catholic family. I feel alone and sad. I wanted to ask… How do you deal with such things? How you make yourself believe that you matter?

Nonnie, you matter. You matter. YOU MATTER.

If I were to hazard a guess, I’d say that this is totally depression talking, Nonnie. It’s not all crying – often it is a blankness, a nothingness, a meaninglessness… a sense of just drifting in time and space while life happens to everyone else. A “void”. This is EXACTLY the way my mental script plays out, right before I go into ‘hibernation mode’ and withdraw from the world.

I get off the internet. I spend time with my family and friends, people who know ALL of me and truly care about me. I see a professional therapist. I am on medication, and probably will be for the rest of my life. I take on projects that I enjoy, such as composing, or sewing. I work with my students, teaching them to do a thing I love (music and singing). That’s how I manage. And sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.

I don’t know how to deal with your family situation, I am so sorry. But I am proud of you. You have a capacity for love that is simply wonderful and unique, and I hope you can feel comfortable with it one day soon – maybe even joy and pride yourself.

I feel that your friends would most likely want to know that you are feeling so lost. Yeah, they have their own lives – but you are their FRIEND, and you matter to them. They’ll make as much space and time for you as they can, BECAUSE YOU ARE THEIR FRIEND AND YOU MATTER TO THEM.

I feel as though you should see a professional for some help also. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to stretch your hands out to people, PLEASE.

You matter, Nonnie. And you deserve care and friendship and companionship. You deserve to feel as though you are a part of the world and not just drifting through it. You deserve acceptance and love. You are a person, a wonderful real living complicated fabulous human person, right here and now, and you MATTER.

Have you considered making a small real-life collage of complementary anons? It might help on Bad Days.

That is a very very good idea. I think I’ll do that, next time I’m on a downward trajectory. Make a collage.

Thanks, Nonnie! *hugs*

semper-draca:

poplitealqueen:

Fake it ‘til you make it is honestly some of the best advice I’ve ever been given in terms of mental illness.

It’s one thing to feel in your bones that you’re an absolute failure that doesn’t deserve life or love and acting like it, and a whole different thing to not.

For one, telling yourself one morning “I’m gonna pretend to be happy today” or “I’m gonna pretend to be proud of myself today” will almost always end with you having a pretty decent day. (Doesn’t last longer than a day, believe you me, and one small bad thing can shatter that illusion like a cement block through glass)

Second, it starts to trick your brain into thinking certain ways. Usually. Just like you can keep telling yourself you don’t matter until you believe it, you can keep telling yourself you matter until you believe it.

And if you don’t? If you honest to god think you don’t matter, that your life and what you do has no meaning in this world, well, what’s the harm in acting like it does to others? Best case, you convince them that you’re some self-confident godbeing. Worst case (but also funniest case), you convince them to despise you for being so proud of yourself, never knowing that you in fact can’t stand yourself as much as they do.

Fake it til you make it, dudes. Be a hotshot in your own head if you gotta. Reblog your stuff ten billion times and scream like a little kid when the smallest of good things happen. Makes the black dog in your head cower and back off. Be confident even if you don’t believe it.

Honestly this is the best advice ever. About a year ago, I decided to just fake self confidence really really hard, and the results? People started to assume I was more confident and outgoing (in particular my boss but also my parents), things became easier to do because fake-confident-me wouldn’t have a hard time doing anything. It doesn’t work all the time, but seriously this helps.

In particular, I hated how I looked. I despised my appearance, I’d never take a selfie, I’d avoid mirrors, wear a full face of makeup every day, wear boring clothes that would fade into the background, which of course all came back to thinking I wasn’t worthwhile. Fake-confident-me wouldn’t have any of that. Sure, I still do some of those things, like wear makeup all the time, and there are still moments where I can’t stand my body. But man oh man, fake-confident-me has made being real-me a hell of a lot easier.

I’ve met people that I last saw years ago and often times I’ll get comments like ‘you’re so different’ or ‘you look so much better’ and I will always tell them to fake it tell they make it. Fake it guys. Fake it so goddamn hard that it slowly becomes real

I don’t know why I did this to myself, but when our power went out last night, I decided the best idea ever was starting a Sansukh reread. THORIIIIIIIN! He’s come so far from chapter one. I have never been more proud of him or more in awe of your writing abilities. Thank you for sharing them with us.

hsadlhjgaSLDJH

oh my god Nonnie. okay – a) thank you SO much for re-reading, it is just the most amazing thing to see the word ‘re-reading’ I CAN’T TELL YOU how happy and brain-staticky it makes me!! THANK YOU SO SO MUCH.

b) AHH yes he has! He really has! I absolutely wanted it to be a slow development while it was happening, hard to actually pinpoint – but obvious to see if you compared him to where he was in the beginning; back when all the dark obsessive thoughts were crammed inside him and never came out, when all that escaped was his hurt and his anger. Now he has time for himself and for others. Now he takes a break when things are too much, and insists that others do too. Now he can actually SEE how things truly are and not his own wounded, bitter, worst-case version of them. Now the dark thoughts arrive, but they don’t always stick. And if they do, he works to remove them, or seeks out help.

He’s learned some very good things from what he’s seen, done and heard.

He’s a smart cookie. Took him a while to get started at healing and managing himself, but once he began, he was unstoppable. Clever boy <3333

roachpatrol:

caelumrising:

oldmanyellsatcloud:

tenderwear:

Found this reddit post. This kinda makes me feel better. And it’s something I think about sometimes because I always feel like regardless of how hard I work on something I don’t get anywhere.

Nice summary. If you’re curious, the anon here is referring to studies over the last decade that have pointed to major impacts on pattern separation with depression, and how depression can have major impacts on nonsynaptic plasticity.

Psychology is amazing folks and more of it needs to be common knowledge

YOUR BRAIN IS AN ORGAN AND DEPRESSION IS A REAL PHYSICAL THING THAT HAPPENS TO IT. THIS IS REALLY SUPER IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER.

untrusteveryone:

SHOUT OUT TO EVERYONE WHO STILL TRIES TO GET BACK INTO THE SWING OF THINGS AFTER DEPRESSION HIT THEM HARD. THERE ISN’T ENOUGH RECOGNITION FOR THOSE PEOPLE WHO KNOW THAT THEY’RE GOING TO LOSE INTEREST AND MOTIVATION AGAIN BUT PUSH THEMSELVES TO DO STUFF ANYWAYS. YOU ARE FIGHTING A DAILY BATTLE WITH YOUR OWN THOUGHTS AND YOU’RE STILL COMING OUT ON TOP, YOU’RE ALL BRAVE AS FUCK