(1/2) I sent an ask earlier, but it was too long… pesky charac limit. Anyway, I can’t believe you have to deal with ignorant, banal nonsense like that review. I Love Sansukh. Not just bc I too live with depression (the air sucking, anhedonic kind)

(2/2) but b/c of how u somehow managed to ALCHEMIZE an already masterpiece into such funny, devastating, utterly sweet, and stunningly inclusive writing I’ve recently had the pleasure of reading. Keep on keepin’ on lovely. Show ‘em how it’s done <3.

oh guh. Reading this was like a soft, loving punch to my chest. Oh my god. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I will. I’ll keep on keeping on. I won’t let anyone tell me that my words and experience aren’t worth reading. And I’ll keep smiling and I will finish this, and I will not let this jealous catty ableist bullshit stop me.

Thank you for the beautiful kind words, Nonnie. I am so SO grateful for the support.

5 ways you can help a friend suffering from depression

teded:

Depression is the leading cause of disability in the world; in the United States, close to ten percent of adults struggle with depression. But because it’s a mental illness, it can be a lot harder to understand than, say, high cholesterol.

One major source of confusion is the difference between having depression and just feeling depressed. Almost everyone feels down from time-to-time, but Clinical Depression is different. It’s a medical disorder, and it won’t go away just because you want it to. It lingers for at least two consecutive weeks and significantly interferes with one’s ability to work, play, or love. Chances are you know someone who suffers from depression. Here are some ways you can help.

1. Help find help: If you know someone struggling with depression, encourage them – gently – to seek out help. You might even offer to help with specific tasks, like looking up therapists in the area or making a list of questions to ask a doctor. To someone with depression, these first steps can seem insurmountable.

2. Be informed: If they feel guilty or ashamed, point out that depression is a medical condition just like asthma or diabetes. It’s not a weakness or a personality trait, and they shouldn’t expect themselves to “just get over it” any more than they could will themselves to get over a broken arm. The more you know about mental illness, the better able you are to understand what they are going through, and to support them.

3. Don’t downplay it: If you haven’t experienced depression yourself, avoid comparing it to times you’ve felt down – comparing what they’re experiencing to normal, temporary feelings of sadness can make them feel guilty for struggling.

4. Stamp out stigma: Even just talking about depression openly can help. For example, research shows that asking someone about suicidal thoughts actually reduces their suicide risk. Open conversations about mental illness help erode stigma, and make it easier for people to ask for help. And, the more patients seek treatment, the more scientists will learn about depression, and the better the treatments will get.

5. Continue the conversation: Because depression’s symptoms are intangible, it’s hard to know who might look fine, but is actually struggling. Just because your friend may seem fine one day, don’t assume that they’ve ‘gotten better’. Remain supportive.

From the TED-Ed Lesson What is depression? – Helen M. Farrell

Animation by Artrake Studio

HI ITS ME IM PROBABLY BOTHERING YOU BUT I HAVE 2 QUESTIONS. 1. When will you update sansukh because i am dying? 2. so, the dwarves in the halls are dead, but they can get tired and need sleep and have real bodies, etc., so what happens if idk someone accidentally gets stabbed (cause that happens all the time) would they die again? I NEED TO KNOW

HELLO HELLO! I promise you’re not bothering me!

1. SOON. No really, I mean it! I wanted to have the update done last week – but then my LAPTOP DIED and I am cross about it. The absolutely excellent computer repair folks have recovered my data, thankfully, and so the 9K I have written of ch41 isn’t lost (PHEW). I can’t get to all my notes, sadly, but I have bits and pieces put together here on Mr Dets’ PC.

I pick up my new laptop this afternoon. 😀

I posted a little sneaky peek here, if that helps tide you over! I will post another sneak-peek in a moment, too. Thank you for being patient!

I am sorry that I can’t give you an update schedule. I am a mum and a wife and a sister and an aunt and a teacher and I have an incredibly pressure-and-paperwork-filled job and a very busy sort of existence in general, and sometimes my mood sinks through the floor, so it’s very hard to predict. My little hobby is usually the thing that gets shunted to the side when things get rough. But please rest assured that I will never abandon the fic, and I will ALWAYS be thinking of the next update.

2. WHOA

IDK

THAT’S A P EXTREME QUESTION THERE WHOA WHOA WHOA

uhhh… well, assuming? that this injury is a mistake and an accident (I SURE HOPE SO) I expect that Mahal would probably step in and help his kiddies out of their predicament.

But he’d totally be doing the concerned-parent-rant the whole time: “YOU HAVE TO BE MORE CAREFUL, YOU WORRIED ME, FOR ERU’S SAKE WATCH WHAT YOU’RE DOING NEXT TIME YOU ALMOST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK, I’D BE GROUNDING YOU UNTIL DAGOR DAGORATH IF I WASN’T ALREADY”

I hope that when you feel down you can come back to all of these awesome birthday messages and remember how many people think you’re awesome and care about you. Because you are the best. <3.

It’s a staggering thing, Nonnie. And yes, I will do that next time I have a bad downswing, that’s a very good idea.

I can’t honestly, honestly thank everyone enough. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you SO SO much.

@poplitealqueen did a thing, and then @fae-of-the-rose did a thing, and so I shall also do a thing! Bc Thing Solidarity 🙂

Rules:

Write down the rules.
Answer questions from the person that tagged you.
Make up 10 questions and tag 10 people.

(These are Pop’s questions, so yup)

1. Height? 5′3″.

2: Do you have a favourite movie? TOO many fave movies. Waaaay too many.

3. Favourite type of character to write? Hmm, tricky tricky… I like writing introspective determined characters like Thorin and Bruce, but I also love writing crotchety characters like Radagast, or total grumps, or secretive and suspicious folks like Natasha and Bilbo… or brave and wonderful walking catastrophes like Clint or Pippin. I like writing repulsive whining narcissists (villains can be fun to write!) like Inorna, and smartarsed heroic idiots like Tony or Gimli or Dain… idk. I like writing characters, as long as they are people and feel real to me.

4. If you could be a super villain, would you? lmao the kind of villain I would be:

5. Fanfiction or Original Works? merrrrr, idc. Has it got characters I love and a plot? Then yayyyyy ❤

6. Movies or tv shows? Movies… though there are some TV shows I manage to get into. I am bad at making time for telly nowadays! Most of my viewing tends to be kids’ programming (I actually really like Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom, though!!!)

7. Is there something you wish you could do right now? *stares at open word doc* write yourself, you stupid fic.

8. Ever tried escargot? Yep! Here! And it was tasty!

9. Do you like yourself? I like some things about myself, usually. When I am having a bad-brain time, I don’t feel anything about myself. I am just a nothingness, and don’t matter.

10. Would you rather read a multi-chapter, in-character, well-written smut fic or gen fic?

I made up some questions back here! Go for it, if you would like to do the thing!

Writer’s Meme

I got tagged by my dearest Miss Pop, @poplitealqueen. *hugs* Keep on poppin’!

Where do you publish your work? AO3, though I have some older stuff on FFN. I don’t post everything on AO3, because I want to keep a sort of departure between my early work and what I am writing now. Not that I am not proud of it and what I learned and accomplished back then! Only that I feel it’s not really indicative of my interests and my writing nowadays.

What medium/application/etc. do you write in or with? Word, pretty much exclusively. I do save a lot of stuff in Google docs for editing purposes, though.

Do you collaborate with others? Uhhhh, I suppose! I have worked with artists and podficcers and musicians, obvs, but not another writer… I do a lot of headcanoning and world-building with other writers, though I’ve never co-written. Brainstorming is fun, but my time and productivity are not reliable, and I would hate to let anyone down. I tend to write in massive flooding bursts followed by long periods of AUGH.

How much editing do you do before you publish? MASSES. I mean it, before i publish a chapter or a work, I have done more editing than I can possibly describe. I edit as I go, I edit sections as I complete them, then I edit when i finish the work or chapter. Then I re-read it madly for hours, and edit again. Then I post it ~~and probably catch one or two things once more and okay EDIT CHAPTER BUTTON HERE I COME~~

Do you listen to music when you write? Not really. I tend to want to focus on the music, rather than the scene I am writing or whatever. Music is very distracting to me, it wants all my attention.

How do you decide what to write about? Uuuuuuhhh, sometimes it’s a prompt, as with the Gigolas week stuff (Sansukh itself was a hobbitkink prompt). Sometimes it’s a moment that just leaps to mind, a missing piece or connection between characters that wants to be written… this was certainly the case with Yours Faithfully and Snowmelt (also I desperately wanted to write some boinkaboink, it had been agesssssss)

When do you write? Whenever the Dwarfling is asleep! Usually during her afternoon nap (around 1pm-3pm), or at night. I can’t stay up late anymore though. I used to do all my writing in the wee small hours but now I have to be up at the crack of dawn, so no more late nights for me.

How often do you write? Depends. On work-days I get nothing done. When I am home, it all depends on the Dwarfling and how she is doing that day. Sometimes my brain is borking, or my mojo is simply gone – as has been the case for a little while now. But it is on the rise again as I slowly gain back my confidence and energy.

It has to be fun, I guess is what I am saying. If I feel under pressure from constant “UPDATE NOW!!?!’ messages, or if I am told what and how to write, or if a bullshit review has made me feel like crawling under a rock because what is the point, then yeah, I won’t have anything in the tank and I won’t be forcing myself. But when I feel happy and invested and engaged in what I am doing, when I am writing for my own pleasure and interest (and when I have built enough confidence to say that others can stick their expectations up their jacksie) – ohhhhh, then! Then I can churn out 4-5K in one sitting, no worries. The whole world drops away and I am a part of the scene I am describing, whisked away into Middle-Earth or the MCU or whatever. Those are the best moments.

Do you take requests? Sometimes! On occasion an anon ask will spark a little drabble, or a prompt will fire my imagination. I have worked from a lot of kinkmeme prompts, and I keep a little list of ideas that have sparked an idea but I don’t have the wherewithal to deal with right at this time.

Is there any genre or type or story you want to write but are hesitant to? Uhhhh, I don’t know? I would try my hand at just about anything, I suppose, but YMMV.

Any inspirational quotes, videos, tricks, articles, etc. that help you stay motivated?
Uhhh, sure! I like to read a lot, that always helps. I keep in mind the advice of much better writers than me. I like those little motivational posters, those are fun. Remember that deadlines are for professionals, and we do this for love not for money.

Here is a great quote for those who feel that acclaim is the be-all and end-all:

All anybody needs to know about prizes is that Mozart never won one.- Henry Mitchell.

When it comes to asshole reviewers and those people who attack you and your writing and your efforts, here is a wonderful line from a very controversial lady:

I know that those who seek to hurt and humiliate me want to trap me in a prison of anger and resentment and there is no point in rewarding them with success.- Ayaan Ali Hirsi.

Aaaaand finally, here’s one of my favourite sections from one of my favourite authors in the multiverse. (GNU Terry Pratchett.) It perfectly captures how I feel about writing, and about stories… and about transformative fiction in general.

“All right,“ said Susan. "I’m not stupid. You’re saying humans need… fantasies to make life bearable.”

_{REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.}

_{“Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—”}

_{YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.}

_{“So we can believe the big ones?”}

_{YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.}

― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

Okay, I have blabbed for long enough! I tag @yubiwamonogatari, @avelera, @notanightlight, @emilianadarling, @culumacilinte, @elenothar, @themarchrabbit, @alkjira, @bgtea, @linddzz, @mckittericks, @bigmamag, @bubbysbub, @bead-bead, @lisafer, and anyone else who would like to give it a shot! 🙂

Thank you for writing. I wish I could convey it better, but all I can attempt is a thank you. I’ve read your stuff for a long time now, and it has helped me out more than I can say. Its helped me deal with my depression, with loss, with loving myself. I know that’s a lot to give to fanfic, but the way you tell stories gives me strength. Thank you, Lady Dets. You’ve helped me.

Oh, Nonnie. Thank you for reading, thank you for looking and finding something worthwhile and meaningful and real in my stuff. I am just so glad I helped, you are a million zillion times welcome, it is my pleasure and joy that you have connected with me that way, through the words and these characters we all adore, and I love you a lot for it. Thank you for telling me too: thank you so much, it is incredibly humbling and huge to me.

pyrrhicgoddess:

thgchoir:

no offense but this is literally the most neurotypical thing i have ever seen

Uhhhh… no.
This is what they teach you in therapy to deal with BPD and general depression.
When I got out of the hospital after hurting myself a second time, I got put into intensive outpatient program for people being released from mental hospitals as a way to monitor and help transition them into getting them efficient long-term care.
This is something they stressed, especially for people with general depression. When you want to stay at home and hide in your bed, forcing yourself to do the opposite is what is helpful. For me, who struggles with self harm- “I want to really slice my arm up. The opposite would be to put lotion on my skin (or whatever would be better, like drawing on my skin) the opposite is the better decision.” It doesn’t always work because of course mental health isn’t that easy, but this is part of what’s called mindfulness (they say this all the time in therapy)

Being mindful of these is what puts you on the path to recovery. If you’re mindful, you are able to live in that moment and try your best to remember these better options.

I swear to god, I don’t get why some people on this website straight up reject good recovery help like this because either they a)have never been in therapy so don’t understand in context how to use these coping tactics. Or b)want to insist that all therapists and psych doctors are neurotypical and have zero idea what they are talking about. (Just so ya know, they teach this in DBT, the therapy used to help BPD. The psychologist who came up with DBT actually had BPD, so….a neurotypical women didn’t come up with this.)

I love that in Sansûkh you’ve actually written the male characters so they can cry. I’m a trans guy and I have a rather deep depression so the fact that I cry so easily has always only served to make me more insecure as it was “feminine” to my mind even though I was raised in a house that looks beyond gender roles. I dunno, I just really wanted to thank you because seeing that the heroes I look up to can also cry, helps? I dunno (sorry for making your inbox depressing feel free to ignore me)

Ahhhh, Nonnie. That’s rough, and I am glad you have a supportive environment. You have all my best thoughts and wishes, you brave brave badass.

IDK, Crying is a equal-opportunity gender thing, as far as I am concerned. If you’re a guy, you cry guy tears. *hugs and hugs and HUGGGGS* Faramir’s tears, Bilbo’s tears, Frodo’s and Frerin’s and Gimli’s and Thorin’s and Dain’s tears? Manly as fuck. And so are yours, Nonnie.

*hugs some more* You utter BAMF.

Are you OK with people sending you headcanons? You seem to get a lot of them, but I don’t want to send you some if you’re backed up. You have such good headcanon ideas.

Hey Nonnie! I LOVE headcanons, I love to hear what people think about the characters! So yes please, you can always send me a headcanon! (and I am so pleased and flattered that you like my ideas, ahhh *fans face*)

(I do in fact have HEAPS of them to publish, actually, so if you can only send me a couple at a time, that’d be awesome. The amazing kailthia sent me literally dozens of them when I had that massive downswing, and I have to sort through my inbox and publish them! K, you are so super kind to me, and I am so sorry for my tardiness. I will get on that today!)