That’s what you do with Depression, you mask the symptoms. The symptoms of Depression IS depression, it’s not a symptom of something else. It’s not like you go “oooh, I feel really sad” and then your arse falls off. The symptoms of Depression is depression. You take away the symptoms of Depression HALLOOOOO! you’re cured! But Tom [Cruise] was like “no, no, no Matt. Matt, these drugs Matt, these drugs they’re just a crutch, these drugs are just a crutch!” and I’m thinking “yes?”. THEY’RE A CRUTCH! You don’t walk up to a guy with one leg and say “hey pal, that crutch is just a crutch, THROW IT AWAY! Hop ya bastard! That crutch is masking the symptoms of your one leggedness”.
Craig Ferguson on Tom Cruise attacking Brooke Shields for using anti-depressants to fight Post-Partum Depression. (via themarriageofadeadblogsing)
I have always thought Craig Ferguson was a very smart man. It appears I was right.
Rule #1: Always post the rules Rule #2: Answer the questions from the person who asked, then write 11 new ones. Rule #3: Tag 11 people Rule #4: Tell the person that tagged you that you’ve answered their questions.
Under the cut, bc there are LOTS of questions…
Lace’s Questions:
1. What’s your favorite type of candy? LIQUORICE. I know, so many people hate it. All the more for me!
2. What’s the last Song you heard? heheheheh the Dwarfling has been trying to sing the “Open, Shut Them” song to herself as she burbles off to sleep. It is criminally adorable.
3. Do you type or peck? Type.
4. What’s the last animated thing you watched? Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom. It’s on right before dinner!
5. What’s you favorite Winter time (or cold weather if you live on the lower half of the globe lol) thing? Cute coats, warm brightly coloured and patterned scarves, hot chocolate.
6. What’s your favorite comfort food? Sorry to be cliche, but my mum’s casserole ❤
7. Do you like Tea? what Kind? ALL KINDS. Gimme the tea.
8. Favorite fictional Alien species? THERMIANS FROM THE KLAATU NEBULA
9. Favorite Muppet? oh, that is just CRUEL, what a question Lace, makin me choose!! Um. Fozzie, Sam the Eagle, Rizzo, Beaker, Animal, Piggy, Gonzo, Dr Teeth, Statler and Waldorf… HOW CAN YOU PICK JUST ONE
10. Have you ever had Turkish Delight? Yeah, and I like it… but I wouldn’t sell out my siblings for it.
11. best thing that happened to you in 2015? Getting a new job, the Sansukh podfic, my new nibling, my friends, taking up performing again (and not sucking at it too much).
Battlepig’s questions:
1. What’s the next movie you plan to see in theaters? Star Wars! I STILL HAVEN’T SEEN IT, AARGH. but when???
2. What time does your alarm wake you up in the morning? LMAO, what’s an alarm clock, I have a toddler.
3. What’s your pet’s name? Or if you don’t have one, what would you name him/her? Her name is ACTUALLY Chloe, but we rarely call her that. She is often (affectionately) called ‘the furry pile of pointlessness’, ‘fuzzlebutt’, ‘smoochface’, ‘little girl’, ‘furbag’, ‘chlo-chlo’ or ‘The Duchess’.
4. What was the first fandom that latched onto your soul and made you one of us? X-Men, a million years ago, but I was a lurker for a VERY VERY VERY long time in quite a few fandoms.
5. What’s your favourite B-rated movie? I just had to look up what actually entails a ‘B-Movie’ tbh… and I would have to say The Castle.
6. What’s the book series that you follow/followed religiously? It USED to be Discworld. *sad sigh* GNU Terry Pratchett.
7. If you had to, which would you rather survive on for five years – original package ramen or Hostess twinkies? I have no idea what twinkies taste like, but I like noodles!
8. What’s the best/most rewarding memory you have of 2015? Hearing the Dwarfling say ‘mummy’ for the first time, closely followed by the first time she spontaneously kissed me. *internal explosion of joy*
9. Recap one story that made you want to bitch-slap the nearest unfortunate individual that crossed your path and made the mistake of pissing you off? Ahh, I will pass, sorry. I’m steering clear of negative things.
10. Pick up the nearest DVD and read the last line of the synopsis on the back. L M A O – “With centuries of songs served up fresh for your child, Apples & Bananas is certainly ‘a-peeling’!”
pfffft.
11. What’s your Hogwarts House? Hufflepuff!
Pop’s Preguntas
Favourite fandom? LOTR.
Least favourite fandom? errrr, idk. There is wank in every fandom, I guess.
When was the last time you laughed? about two minutes ago, at this post!
If you could change one aspect about yourself, what would it be? I would love to have more confidence. I am incredibly unlikely to stand up for myself, and people often take advantage of that in both my personal and professional lives. Sigh.
Ever tried balut? YES ACTUALLY! In Vietnam, on my honeymoon, from a street food vendor who was the nicest lady ever: although neither of us speak Vietnamese and she didn’t speak a word of English, we all hooted with laughter together when our friend fell off his rickety plastic chair onto his back. It’s really not as bad as it looks, actually sort of dry, in fact. And there was a DELICIOUS rice dish with it, god that was yum.
Something you love about yourself? I have a good singing voice. Sometimes I can be funny, I suppose.
Something you hate about yourself? Depression.
If you could travel in time and meet your 15 year old self, what would you tell them? You’re good enough, and it is not your fault. You will have so many wonderful people in your life in just a few short years, and all this will be long behind you. Stay kind, stay hopeful, and don’t let anger and resentment poison who you are. Calm down. Slow down. Be gentler to yourself. You aren’t a failure if you’re not doing it all at once. Get to a psych asap. And for GOD’S sake, eat something and KEEP IT DOWN.
Which finger is your favourite? *stares at them in puzzlement* uhhh, that one.
Something that changed your life? I could be trite and say ‘parenthood’ here (and it would be 30000% true)!
Favourite quote from anything? Here’s three! (I collect quotes and write them on my cupboard door in sharpie 🙂
Not a shred of evidence exists in favour of the idea that life is serious. – Brendan Gill
Anything I’ve ever done that ultimately was worthwhile initially scared me to death. – Betty Bender
Hope is patience with the lamp it. – Tertullian.
*falls over* OH GOD THAT WAS A LOT OF QUESTIONS. I think that this is def the last of these memes I am gonna attempt!
My questions:
1. What is your go-to song to listen to when you are pissed off? 2. What would your daemon be, in your opinion? 3. Earbuds or cans? 4. Do you have a favourite mug (or cup?), and if so, what’s it like? 5. If you have a pet, do they have any incredibly irritating habits or quirks? 6. What’s your favourite herb? I LIKE SAGE 7. History or science? 8. Does your favourite character have a line or phrase that never fails to make your heart explode for them? (and what is it?) 9. What is your “guilty pleasure” food? 10. How many languages can you swear in? 11. What stereotype/s about your astrological sign annoy the heck out of you?
Tagged by the fab @dwarfanonymice! Ello dearest nonymouse! *hugs*
Tag 10 people you want to get to know better
Name: Dets
Fav fandom: Tolkien
Countries you’ve lived in: Australia
Languages you speak: English
Fav film of 2015: Mad Max
Last article you read: IDK, it was either about LOTR or education…? Can’t remember!
Shuffle your song library and put the first 3 titles here:whoops, edit – forgot to do this! Regurgitator: The Song Formerly Known As(FUCK YES THE BASS ON THIS KICKS ARSE), London Grammar, Hey Now(whoa mood whiplash), Spamalot! Original Cast Recording, I am not yet dead
Last thing you bought online: An assortment of cute and useful little baby things for the brand new nibling: baby thermometer, muslin wraps, pram toys, that sort of thing.
Last person you dreamed of: GDI I never remember my dreams very clearly. It’s extremely irritating.
Any reoccurring dreams: The one where I am stuck on a talking boat, and I urgently have to get somewhere – but the boat is a shitheel and a sasspot and is totally against me doing it. There’s more detail, but that’s all I can remember.
Any phobias/fears: Surgery. Like, REALLY phobic. Brrrrrrr.
How would your friends describe you: The short skinny talkative enthusiastic nerdy group mum who keeps disappearing (I get intermittent bursts of social energy, followed by seeeerious introversion and withdrawal, which is even more extreme if I am in a depressive episode).
How would your enemies describe you: lmao, idk, I don’t pay attention to viciousness.
Would you take a bullet for someone: Yes. My husband and daughter, and any of my friends or family. In a heartbeat.
If you had money to spare, what would you buy first: *cries* AUGH I AM SO POOR RN, COME ON MONEY CAT I BELIEVE IN YOU I would get the pipe that is leaking underneath the concrete slab FIXED.
Tagging: Nah, I’m being lazy again, heheheh – if you would like to do the thing, go for it! 😀
Thank you for writing Sansûkh. Thank you for portraying Thorin so well. Thank you for accurately portraying someone struggling with depression, anxiety, self-loathing and extremely likely PTSD.
Thank you for this.
Thank you for showing that it gets easier to live with it. Thank you for showing that despite the large amount of time he spent working on this, he is still not done. Thank you for showing that he has the support and love of so many. Thank you for showing that no one loves him any less for all his flaws.
Thank you for all of this.
It helps. You have no idea how much it helps to see someone actually portraying Thorin this way, to make him face his demons and not instantly defeat them. To make him very slowly, day by day, starting to learn to live with them and accept them as part of him, and to make him slowly figure out how to change himself and start to love himself.
It helps because depression and self-loathing have both been big parts of my life. It helps because you show that it DOES get better, for all that it takes time. It helps because you don’t say that it goes away instantly, that it’s a very long and slow process. Because god knows I’ve been frustrated beyond belief with myself and my inability to just walk away from my problems as neurotypicals seem to think that one should be able to.
Thank you.
I’m crying here. Proper real wet tears.
Thank you, Teh. I can’t ever ever ever ever tell you how much this means to me. I can’t tell you how incredibly INCREDIBLY important this is to me, and how much it affects me down to my bones, to hear that you feel the same way and are struggling through the same shit. That because I wrote Thorin in this way – as a hero sure, BUT as a hero who lives and must come to terms with depression, phenomenal self-esteem and identity issues, anxiety, intrusive thoughts (and yeah definitely PTSD) – I have helped.
Seriously, I am crying. Blotchy red-faced Dets with a runny nose.
Thank you, most wonderful Hobbit Owl. Thank you so very, very much. *hugs for a zillion years*
wow, can you be any more neurotypical. Lo and behold, I have been blessed by the presence of the Thorin-Is-Scum anon once again, this time poorly disguised as another ‘Guest’. I am lowkey impressed at your dedication – did you really wade through nearly 400K just to tell me how much you despise and hate people with depression and MI, and how unworthy they are of anyone’s esteem or admiration? How tiresome you find their struggles?
Go away. You are unwelcome in any part of my life, and that includes FFN. GO. AWAY.
(for those who cannot read the very small pic, transcript under the cut. Though I honestly wouldn’t bother. I’m only posting it here bc I am angry and need to yell at them to FUCK THE FUCK OFF, and I can’t do that on FFN.)
Far as I’ve honestly picked up, Thorin is the type of character who cannot see much of a reason to love himself – never has, and maybe never will. He doesn’t like himself as a person, and the more he looks at his past, the more he sees failure after failure after failure. His family, however, do not. They see the son who picked up the pieces and kept a broken people going. They see the brother who had to live for everyone else but himself. They see the uncle who struggled to keep the family alive. They see the cousin who had to keep thinking ten steps ahead just to keep his people alive.
And then there is Bilbo. Bilbo who saw everything that Thorin never could. Bilbo who saw someone honest and genuinely kind, someone who had been hurt by the world and so desperately wanted to punch back for a change that he decided to go up against a dragon. Bilbo who saw someone who so desperately loved his family that he would fight anyone and anything that threatened them. Bilbo who saw someone who wasn’t a king, but who was just Thorin – a dwarf who, as it seemed to Thorin himself, had nothing left in the world to lose.
The important part? Bilbo loved him, loved that dwarf that Thorin couldn’t see in himself. Even as Thorin seemed to lose himself, Bilbo didn’t give up on him. When even Thorin’s cousins and nephews didn’t speak up against him or try to stop him, Bilbo did, because he knew that the Thorin he fell in love with would hate himself for what he was doing.
Thorin is that person who was only kept going by the needs of others – if he didn’t have any family left, if his sisters and nephews and cousins were all dead, he would probably have given up. He didn’t live for himself, he didn’t think of his own wants and needs. It was always about others.
The way I’ve read Sansûkh, Thorin is slowly learning to love himself, and to live for himself as well as for others. He listens to his family. He lets himself be his mother’s little stormcloud, he lets himself be his father’s son. He lets himself be a big brother and an uncle. He relaxes more. And once he learns that Bilbo loves him, he starts to look for whatever it was that drew the hobbit to him in the first place. And he ends up learning to love himself a little more, because Bilbo does. There has to be something, right?
Thorin is and forever will be my favourite character in the Tolkien Legendarium. For his deeds, as well as for his personality. I love the pompous noble Thorin in the book, and I love the withdrawn and anxious and mentally ill Thorin in the movies. And I absolutely adore the mix of all this that appears in Sansûkh.
And just to add something. No, Gimli did not “get over” his issues. He learned, and is still learning. He is working on it, he is working on everything. And he has help to do so, help that he was willing to accept. The difference between Gimli and Thorin is that Thorin had to process everything alone before he was ready to actually accept that help. Gimli is what Thorin is not – open, more willing to change. Ever heard the saying that you can’t teach old dogs new tricks? Thorin is that old dog, and he is still having difficulties understanding and learning, whereas Gimli is the pup who is more open to trying something new.
thank you, tehri. you put this better than i ever could have dreamed.
wow, can you be any more neurotypical. Lo and behold, I have been blessed by the presence of the Thorin-Is-Scum anon once again, this time poorly disguised as another ‘Guest’. I am lowkey impressed at your dedication – did you really wade through nearly 400K just to tell me how much you despise and hate people with depression and MI, and how unworthy they are of anyone’s esteem or admiration? How tiresome you find their struggles?
Go away. You are unwelcome in any part of my life, and that includes FFN. GO. AWAY.
(for those who cannot read the very small pic, transcript under the cut. Though I honestly wouldn’t bother. I’m only posting it here bc I am angry and need to yell at them to FUCK THE FUCK OFF, and I can’t do that on FFN.)
[Yo, I’m sorry but I’m really not buying whatever you think you’re doing with Thorin’s character here. His speech to Dain is pretty much “I suck and am more bad than good but slightly maybe more good?” which, to me, still says nothing. It’s been 37 chapters. This character has barely changed. And this is supposed to be Thorin as “better?” he best he can be is not as fucked up, while you have so many good, PURE characters? Gimli, who got over his issues (which weren’t even that bad) in like 3 chapters.
And the more you highlight this, the more I don’t get how Thorin functioned with anyone else before. How did his family stand him? Why did anyone even follow him to begin with? You’re telling me these things but I don’t see any reasons why. Thorin said it himself, his only good trait was “courage”. But so what? Every character here is. Why did anyone care about him before he died, if he’s still super flawed now? I know families can love members just because of blood, Boromir loves his dad even though Denethor was a bad father, but just because they love them doesn’t mean the person is deserving of it. What did Thorin do for his family, or anyone who followed him? Why does Bilbo even love him? It just doesn’t make sense to me when you have one character who is more flawed than everyone else. If he’s supposed to be only “better” because he died, what was there to like when he was alive? There hasn’t been a single talk he’s had with anyone “close” that wasn’t just a compliment after a string of flaws. It just looks like everyone has to pick up after him, and there’s nothing selling me, the reader, on why I should think he deserves it. “Just because” is not an adequate answer. Quite honestly, as tiresome as it is to read chapters of a character constantly self-flagellating, in his case I can see why. He’s saying objective fact. I don’t see where he’s being too harsh on himself. It would be much better without marinating in a character’s shitty flaws for 40 chapters.]
Yeah, I went pretty all-in with Thorin and Frerin rebuilding their relationship in Twelve Months and Fifty Years, I guess! It’s easier to trace that progression, as it is brought into very sharp focus in that fic.
Still, peppered throughout the whole of the Behemoth itself are moments in which Thorin reconnects with Thrain and with Fris. It’s not fast, and it’s not always nice, but it certainly happens!
You got me thinking about this progression again, Nonnie! I’ve had my thinking cap on all day, ever since I got your message. I can remember baking my brain about this very topic when I first began the story a gigazillion years ago. I quite deliberately set Thorin’s family relationships as a foil to the more dramatic events of the quest and the much more fiery development of the Gigolas (and the eventual Bagginshield) relationships in the fic. Thorin’s relationship with his family isn’t like that. It’s not dramatic: it’s steady. It’s slow, and quiet and everyday and mundane and ever-present. Fris and Thrain’s support (and Hrera’s and Thror’s, for that matter) is there from the start, of course, but the knowledge of each other, and the trust and the depth and the love, is so powerful now. What we see in that first scene in Chapter 1 is the first rush. It just grows and grows and grows.
It’s Fris waking Thorin because she knows it is important to him (tools do not belong in sleeping quarters inudoy, and oh, when did you grow so tall), and it’s Thrain listening to him speak about Bilbo (so that was the one, then?), not judging or commenting, just accepting. It’s Thrain suggesting and then insisting that Thorin bring the rest of their people on board to watch the Fellowship (we’re here, use us!), and it’s Fris braiding Thorin’s hair, while telling to stop blaming himself for things he could not possibly be at fault for (Gandalf was the one to recruit Bilbo Baggins, not you!).
It’s Hrera’s dumpling soup, and her comforting brand of loving bossiness in the middle of the night, telling him stories of her own youth. It’s Thror giving Thorin his own work-room as a meeting-place, giving up his own space for Thorin’s needs. It’s Vili joking with Thorin about which of the boys is a better swimmer, and which is a better climber. It’s all those breakfast scenes in the Halls, all of them existing together and sharing food and time and gentle teasing.
Where we’ve currently paused, at Chapter 39, Thorin has actually learned to lean on them. A LOT. He relies on his mother enormously, she is basically handling all the information for him. Thorin returns time and again to Thrain’s calm acceptance. There’s a reason why Thorin went to Thrain as well as Thror when he wanted to talk about the dragon-sickness. It’s no mistake that Frerin stays in Thrain’s rooms to decompress and recover, after he reached his melting-point at the battle of the Pelennor Fields. There’s a reason why Thorin trusts Thror to keep an eye on Erebor while he stays with the Fellowship and with Gimli. There’s a reason why Hrera keeps watch over the pool in the Chamber, seated in a chair with a rug over her knees, ready to pass on any messages.
Thorin has now actually reached the point where he can give it back. He’s SO secure in their love now, and he can comfortably show his own in return. It’s taken him a long time to feel that way: he’s been generally pretty awful to himself, on the whole. But now he can see that he is loved, and that he is worthy of that love, and so he is becoming better at expressing his own care. He gently needles Fris when she is overworking (a trait they have in common) and he is constantly aware and watching for anything that may trigger Thrain, ready to leap into action.
Like I said, it’s not a dramatic relationship arc. None of the relationships in the Halls are – that’s quite deliberate! Not only are they contending with the enormous inertia of the Halls, but also against Thorin’s own guilt and anger and self-recrimination… not to mention their own painful issues (looking at you, Thror). Dwarves are stubborn as heck, after all. But it’s there. It’s quiet and subtle, but believe me, it’s there!
(and yeah – I’ve spoken before a bit about Fris’ folks, Ais and Folgar, and they’re around! But as they’re not the focus of the Behemoth and Ricky might actually kill me if I extend the character list any more I might have to one day write a little side-fic detailing their exploits in reconnecting with Frerin, and later Thorin!)
The original post only has US helplines. I’ve added UK helplines underneath. It would be great if people could add numbers from everywhere in the world.
Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743
Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
This is a Cheer-up comic for poplitealqueen. It’s beneath a cut because it’s so cracky and shitty it’ll probably be the cause of several deaths by anemia because of how much it makes your eyes bleed (and it’s kinda private). Sensitive viewers may avert their gazes, you have been warned.
Aw Yiss 