They took the idea of parents being proud of their child and wanting to have lots of memories of him growing up and tried to twist it into something bad.
this is such bullshit.
i have a 2-year old. You bet your fucking arse I have taken a zillion pictures of her. I love her, she is a constant source of amazement and wonder and joy. She will never be this small ever again, she is full of new things and new words and new experiences right now and the rest of her family live in another fucking state, how the hell else are they meant to see them? Telepathy???
i loved seeing pics of myself and my siblings when we were little. Pictures of me and my sister, our chubby baby faces playing dress-ups, at the park, learning to paint, patting a kangaroo at a zoo, clomping around in our mum’s shoes, first time with our hair tied up. I can see shades of the me I am now in that little person. I can see the steps I took to get here.
I want that for my little one. I want the grown-up to have that connection to her past. I want her to have that security, the line between then and now. I want her to know in her bones that she is so so loved, and has always been so –so– loved.
And do you know? SHE ENJOYS IT. She loves having her picture taken. She grins and poses, dances and shouts at the camera, pulls funny faces, laughs madly and falls over and kicks up her legs and has a total blast of a time, and then she demands to see it afterwards. She asks me to take pictures at the most random times – “pichure! Mummy, Pichure!”- eating dinner, cuddles with daddy, her favourite toy (”Pichure Bunny!”), her bowl of cut-up fruit, drawing chalks, getting into the car, whenever. She wants me to take them, and she wants to see them. I’ve printed some of the nice ones for our walls, and she points at them CONSTANTLY. She points out her friends, her parents, her grandparents, herself, in her new words. We give her even more new words to describe the links between us all – cousin, auntie, uncle, poppy, grandad, grandma. The only reason she knows her cousins at all IS BECAUSE OF SKYPE AND PHOTOS. She has met them in person twice in her whole life. But she knows their faces, and she loves them.
I have only two pictures of my own mother as a little girl. She changed a lot as she grew: she looks very different as an adult. I have NONE of my dad as a child. If we used the photographic record as evidence, it might even appear that they sprang fully-formed out of nowhere, ready-made parents, the second my older sis was born.
I treasure those photos of my mum as a little girl. And do you know something else? Sometimes, when my child turns her head just right, or when she holds her chin a certain way – in those snaps, she looks like my mum.
Something i never would have known without my photos.
So, to the artist who made this glib, trite, woe-for-the-young piece of ‘social commentary’? I am sending your proctologist all my best wishes.
They’re going to need all the luck in the world finding your fucking head.
(continued) do, and he just says, “I don’t know.” But I guess, a question for other people who live with depression or bi-polar disorder, is there anything I can do? Usually I try to provide some distraction–if I’m not working, I can read to him. Or I suggest he watch a TV show (though he won’t unless I put it on for him). Any other ideas? Or am I doing it wrong, should I just let him do nothing (literally, he just sits there staring into space, looking miserable, for hours on end)? Help?
First of all: *hugs*
Second of all: you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re not. YOU’RE NOT. Depression and depressive illnesses are awful. You’re there for your spouse, and you love him. Nothing wrong about that.
It may be that he needs a different medication, if his body has grown too familiar to his usual one. Worth talking to people about.
I can only tell you about my own experiences, and a few of the things that have assisted in my own depressive episodes. I’ve also used these things when I’ve been with members of my family who also have illnesses. I hope some of this is useful to you. But (and I’m sure I don’t already have to say this), your situation will be different, because he is different, you’re different, his illness is different.
Okay, I’m about to be super frank and personal, so under the cut I go.
1. DOING. ANYTHING. NEARBY.
Anything I can join in on, even in an observational capacity, HELPS. Not being alone with my Big Black Dog Thoughts. My husband sometimes just works in the same room as me. IT HELPS. He plays music, sometimes it’s a song I like and know and I sing along (can’t ever stop me singing heh). He watches a television series: I’ll watch it too, because it’s already there and playing.
(this is how I recently got into ‘Cleverman’ holy shit it is brilliant)
It makes me feel like my company is worth something, too, even when I am a fucking useless wreck.
Occasionally it’s just the pair of us working on our laptops in the family room. And I will stop and be sad and listless, or cry. And he will put his hand on my foot, and that’s that. I can be sad, and that’s all right, but I’m not alone to be sad.
Sometimes he listens when I’m ranting, and that’s good too. That’s all good.
2. Stuff that is Too Hard.
Sometimes, even taking a fucking shower feels like Everest. And so what my husband does (and what I’ve done in the past for my sister)… he runs a bath for me. A nice one. One I like to take. Bubbles and everything, super indulgent. It’s a small thing, but it’s SO GOOD. And I’d never do it for myself.
We have a system of cups of tea when we’re stressed. Peppermint tea is my fave, because it makes my stomach calm, wakes me up a little and tastes fresh. Sometimes too, the settling of my stomach makes me hungry again (I often stop eating when I’m low).
Work, urgh. When I’m depressed, facing work is torture. Getting up is torture. Being AWAKE is torture. So Mr Dets leaves a coffee for me EACH AND EVERY MORNING. He helps me make the Dwarfling’s lunch every evening. There’s vegemite toast waiting when I get up. Small stuff, so that I can handle the big stuff, like being a mum and going to work and dragging myself to the shower and not being a wreck.
3. Schedule Schedule Schedule
This is the thing that has helped me SO MUCH. I don’t enforce our chores/weekend schedule. Mr Dets does, mostly. If it were me, I’d lie in bed all weekend and never do anything ever.
But he has this weird thing about wearing clean clothes 😀
Saturday morning, we do a Whole Family Thing, ALL THREE OF US. Outside. Go to a park, go out to lunch: even if it’s only an hour we never fail to go. I don’t pull out of it, because it’s our routine. Because the Dwarfling (and I) deserve not to be cooped up all day in the house.
We have a ‘Movie Night’ WITHOUT FAIL every Saturday. No matter what. Toddler goes to bed, Mr Dets sticks on the microwave popcorn and opens a beer for us both. We turn off all the lights, stick a DVD on, and watch a film.
Sunday is grocery shopping and House Reset. We go to the farmer’s market, buy food, do laundry. We do the folding together, while watching Mad as Hell or whatever series has recently caught Mr Dets’ eye. I have to participate: this is my home, my life, part of my responsibilities towards my family, and I can’t slink away. I fold clothes. He irons.
This also makes me feel less useless.
Like I said, these things have helped me. Often, I’m unresponsive EXCEPT for these things, because my ability to interact without being exhausted is virtually nil.
But not being alone, being able to participate as an observer, small gestures (like a piece of toast or a cup of tea) that make big things easier, and placing my responsibilities inside a schedule of my own choosing (one that I feel honour-bound to respect, one that I do not, in fact, enforce, but just go along with) – these things help me. They’ve helped other members of my family deal with their own Big Black Woofers.
You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re not. Depression makes everyone feel helpless, that’s part of what is terrible about it.
I hope all of this personal blah is helpful, or gives you some ideas. There’s much MUCH more professional advice on sites like BlackDog and BeyondBlue.
My heart and thoughts go out to you and your spouse, Nonnie. All my love to you both.
AWWW I am okay! But thank you Nonnie for thinking of me, you’re beautiful ❤
I’m unable to be as active online these days as I would like, sadly. It’s a change that has gradually intensified over time, as the Dwarfling gets older and more active. Since I’m full-time again at work, it’s just too tricky and I have to put my family and livelihood first. BUT I AM STILL HERE. I do read! I now and then check my phone through the day! I answer stuff once the small person is asleep! PROMISE, I PROMISE.
I am indeed a muso! Singer, opera and musical theatre, to be precise, though I also do choral arrangements and yadda yadda. But these days I don’t do as much performance. Small person came along, and her needs take precedence. Anyway, I also have my education degree in addition to my BMus, ysee, so nowadays I’m working as a singing and choral teacher in a number of schools 🙂
I learned violin for 14 years as well, though nowadays I’m woefully out of practice!!!
They’re doing great! Mr Dets is insanely busy at work, but its such a challenge and he’s rising so high. Madly proud of him, forever so proud (we both totally forgot our anniversary lmao, whoops, so busy). My beautiful kiddo is soaking up words like a sponge atm. She’s a serious chatterbox! Loves her crayons, her bear, her books, swimming, bubbles, cats, singing and dancing, and “NA-NAS!” (bananas). She’s happy, clever, brave and curious, and is developing a real cheeky sense of humour. Her laugh is the best thing in the world.
(she has SO many words already! She can count to ten!!!!! V amazed and proud.
However. The number “six” isn’t. Um. Yeah.
She says “shit” instead. Loudly.
BUT CMON SHE’S NOT YET TWO, AND X is a hard sound for her!)
For the fandom writer-artist bodyswap for April Fools Day! Drawn using the Dwarfling’s crayons (well, they were handy!).
My cat is less than impressed by my SOOPER SKILLZ. 🙂
relationship status: LMAO OH FUCK IT’S MY ANNIVERSARY IN A FEW DAYS – I forgot!!! It’ll be 7 years married, but we’ve been together for 14.
favorite color: BLOOOO
pets: ancient, not-very-well cat, my darling sweetheart Duchess.
wake up: 5:45am most mornings. Even when on holiday.
cats or dogs: YES PLS
coke or pepsi: COFFEE
day or night: I’m sleeping whenever I can, idc if the sun is up
text or call: text most people, but call my mum.
chapstick or lipstick: lip balm? I have shea butter, it’s yum
city or country: BIG TOWN. Not a city thanks. I did that, it sucked.
last song I listened to: The Wiggles, sigh. The Dwarfling has joined their tiny, tiny army. Before that, hmm, I was fartarssing about on musescore, so… my own music?
Pffffffft – welp, there WAS screaming, but it was a small toddler protesting her dinner (she didn’t like it!!!). So, it was only obliquely my fault, this time around!!!
Aw Yiss 