Tag: elves

any thoughts on elf sexuality?

one-go-alone:

cptsdcarlosdevil:

ONLY ALL OF THEM

The interested reader should consult What Tolkien Officially Said About Elf Sex, the most extensive guide to elf sexuality I’m aware of. Also, be aware that I haven’t read Silm and anything in here contradicted by Silm is a result of ignorance.

The bits I find interesting are that (1) elf marriage is defined as being sex— the party is considered a good idea, but strictly optional, (2) elves don’t commit adultery and (3) elves can apparently tell from the way someone moves whether they’re wed or unwed. Now, this may just be that elves are Good Catholics, but are you kidding, there is an opportunity for my favorite tropes. I propose: elf hypermonogamy!

(I actually totally thought elf hypermonogamy was canon until I was researching my answer for this ask. GODDAMMIT TOLKIEN.)

Elves are universally demisexual: they literally do not experience sexual attraction to people they aren’t in romantic love with. Elves are only capable of being in love with one person at once. It takes them a long time to get over love; it’s quite common for a rejected elf to never fall in love again, and most of those who do go centuries before they do.

So, how does that affect my favorite ships?

I feel like Legolas/Gimli is super-more-awesome if Legolas was literally never sexually attracted to anyone before Gimli and has no idea what this emotion is. So he is all like OH GOD THIS DWARF IS SO ANNOYING 😡 😡 😡 I JUST WANT TO THINK ABOUT HIM ALL THE TIME. BECAUSE HE’S ANNOYING. I WONDER WHAT HIS HAIR FEELS LIKE. And eventually this gets to the point where even Mr. They’re Taking The Hobbits To Isengard starts wondering if something’s up.

and then at Lothlorien he seeks the advice of Galadriel and Galadriel is like “Legolas, you’re in love” and Legolas is like “???!???!!!!!!”

and Galadriel thinks to herself “JESUS CHRIST, Legolas, Luthien and Arwen are one thing, human boys are sort of cute, but DID YOU REALLY JUST FALL FOR, OF ALL PEOPLE, A FUCKING DWARF”

(and then Gimli does the hair thing and she’s like “well, at least he has good taste”)

and then Legolas ends up having sex with Gimli. Now, dwarves totally have a culture of warrior homosexuality. (Also: everything homosexuality????) So Gimli is all like “ah, yes, manly men blowing off some steam in a manly way after battle, this surely does not mean Feelings” and Legolas is like “:( 😦 😦 I will go stare at a river and write love poetry in Quenya more beautiful than the hearts of Men can bear” but he totally doesn’t let Gimli know because he doesn’t want to Pressure Gimli Into A Relationship and also because he will Take What He Can Get

and then at some point Aragorn is sadly singing to himself about Luthien as is his third-favorite hobby (behind beard growth and still not being king) and Gimli is like “why the hell would she give up her immortality anyway, dude, it’s fucking immortality? why can’t she marry an elf instead” and with one thing and another Aragorn ended up telling him about the Elvish Facts of Life

and then Gimli storms up to Legolas and is like YOU KNOW USUALLY I LIKE TO BE INFORMED WHEN I’M MARRIED TO PEOPLE

and Legolas is like “…I’m… married to you but you’re not married to me?”

and Gimli is like I DON’T KNOW WHAT NANCY SHIT YOU PONCY MOTHERFUCKERS GET UP TO BUT AMONG DWARVES MARRIAGE IS USUALLY CONSIDERED A TRANSITIVE PROPERTY

and Legolas was like “I am sorry, I understand if you will never speak to me again” and he is mentally drafting, like, the world’s saddest poem, like, it will win the Saddest Poem contest Elrond holds every year

and Gimli is like YOU FUCKING MORON OF COURSE I WANT TO BE MARRIED TO YOU HOW ELSE CAN I GET TO SHOW YOU ALL THE PRETTY CAVES

and Legolas is like “oh. Oh!”

and then he ends up smuggling his boyfriend into Valinor, I assume by just sort of shoving him into the luggage. “Dwarf? What dwarf? I don’t have a dwarf. What, no, my bag isn’t wriggling, you’re seeing things. Gosh, there are weird sounds on the sea, that one sounded almost like the word ‘fuck’.”

also I feel like this whole thing makes Elrond and Arwen infinitely more amusing

Elrond: NO YOU ARE NOT GOING TO MARRY ARAGORN
Arwen: GRANDMA DID
Elrond: AND LOOK WHERE THAT GOT HER
Arwen: I DON’T CARE I LOVE HIM
Elrond: THERE ARE LOTS OF NICE BOYS IN VALINOR, I’M SURE YOU’LL FIND SOMEONE ELSE
Arwen: NO I WON’T
Elrond: …fuck. You’re right.
Arwen: (looks smug)
Elrond: you know Elros really had the right idea, immortality is awesome but at least HUMANS HAVE THE CONCEPT OF SERIAL MONOGAMY

This is full of win and awesome, and I would also like to point out that if this appeals to you and you aren’t reading @determamfidd‘s Sansûkh, then do yourself a favor and go read it. Right now. Seriously. Drop everything else.

*blushy blushy* ahhh thank you so very much! You are super kind!

IS YOUR URL A ‘THE DARK IS RISING’ REFERENCE BC HOLY SHIT I LOVED THOSE BOOKS

poesiariptide:

Fanart of Merilin and Laerophen (ft. Gimizh) from determamfidd’s incredible, astounding Sansûkh. I love this scene (just before Baris sings the Cradle-Song) so much in all its heartbreaking glory.

lsdjsgfsaljha!!!

Oh, how lovely are these colours!! I love their expressions, awwwww Laerophen comforting lil Gimizh – may I say that I absolutely LOVE Merilin’s hair here!!! AND GIMIZH’S BRAIDS EEEEE

I love it so so much! Ahhh, thank you thank you thank you!

I haven’t yet been able to read the Silm, so I’m wondering what you mean by the oath in the ask about Tauriel and the Fëanorian’s?

hamelin-born:

determamfidd:

The Oath of Feanor. Tolkien calls it ‘a terrible and unbreakable oath… that should never have been taken.” It was spoken by Feanor and his seven sons after Morgoth nicked the Silmarils, and it was the driving force behind EPIC FIRST AGE PAIN AND ANGST.

Here is the Oath itself:

“Be he foe or friend, be he foul or clean,
brood of Morgoth or bright Vala,
Elda or Maia or Aftercomer,
Man yet unborn upon Middle-earth,
neither law, nor love, nor league of swords,
dread nor danger, not Doom itself,
shall defend him from Fëanor, and Fëanor’s kin,
whoso hideth or hoardeth, or in hand taketh,
finding keepeth or afar casteth
a Silmaril. This swear we all:
death we will deal him ere Day’s ending,
woe unto world’s end! Our word hear thou,
Eru Allfather! To the everlasting
Darkness doom us if our deed faileth.
On the holy mountain hear in witness
and our vow remember, Manwë and Varda!”

Basically, if you have a Silmaril and keep it, the Feanorians will come fuck you up. 

Sooo, descendants of Feanor though… it’s uncertain as to whether the children of his sons would be bound by the oath? I can’t remember if Celebrimbor is ever mentioned as being bound to it. Either which way, it is less like an oath in the end and more like a whip, driving them on and on to acts of both heroism and horror. They called upon Eru himself to be witness. Yikes. Yikes. 

(and this is also why I personally can’t see the Arkenstone as a Silmaril, though I can understand those who do! Pretty as it is, it doesn’t look like it contains the mingled holy light of Terlperion and Laurelin – but more importantly the doom of the Oath would then fall upon the Dwarves and haven’t they suffered enough without another massacre, guh. Not to mention, Sauron would also ve veeeery interested in getting one of his Master’s favourite shinies.

Oooh, but a fic where the last surviving son Maglor limps to the Lonely Mountain, weary unto death, but spurred onwards by the mercilessness of the Oath… eeeeeee that’d be kinda awesome…NO DETS NO)

…honestly, I think that Feanor and his (immediate) Offspring could only make the oath for themselves – not for those unborn. The option would be open, of course, for any of their kin to take it up, but – it’s their choice. It’s their choice, and theirs alone; one is not automatically bound by the promises and mistakes of their ancestors.

You’re likely right! As I said, I dunno. But I don’t wanna go fossicking through everrrrrything to find out for sure, bc that is waaaay too much effort!

I haven’t yet been able to read the Silm, so I’m wondering what you mean by the oath in the ask about Tauriel and the Fëanorian’s?

The Oath of Feanor. Tolkien calls it ‘a terrible and unbreakable oath… that should never have been taken.” It was spoken by Feanor and his seven sons after Morgoth nicked the Silmarils, and it was the driving force behind EPIC FIRST AGE PAIN AND ANGST.

Here is the Oath itself:

“Be he foe or friend, be he foul or clean,
brood of Morgoth or bright Vala,
Elda or Maia or Aftercomer,
Man yet unborn upon Middle-earth,
neither law, nor love, nor league of swords,
dread nor danger, not Doom itself,
shall defend him from Fëanor, and Fëanor’s kin,
whoso hideth or hoardeth, or in hand taketh,
finding keepeth or afar casteth
a Silmaril. This swear we all:
death we will deal him ere Day’s ending,
woe unto world’s end! Our word hear thou,
Eru Allfather! To the everlasting
Darkness doom us if our deed faileth.
On the holy mountain hear in witness
and our vow remember, Manwë and Varda!”

Basically, if you have a Silmaril and keep it, the Feanorians will come fuck you up. 

Sooo, descendants of Feanor though… it’s uncertain as to whether the children of his sons would be bound by the oath? I can’t remember if Celebrimbor is ever mentioned as being bound to it. Either which way, it is less like an oath in the end and more like a whip, driving them on and on to acts of both heroism and horror. They called upon Eru himself to be witness. Yikes. Yikes. 

(and this is also why I personally can’t see the Arkenstone as a Silmaril, though I can understand those who do! Pretty as it is, it doesn’t look like it contains the mingled holy light of Terlperion and Laurelin – but more importantly the doom of the Oath would then fall upon the Dwarves and haven’t they suffered enough without another massacre, guh. Not to mention, Sauron would also ve veeeery interested in getting one of his Master’s favourite shinies.

Oooh, but a fic where the last surviving son Maglor limps to the Lonely Mountain, weary unto death, but spurred onwards by the mercilessness of the Oath… eeeeeee that’d be kinda awesome…NO DETS NO)

Is it safe to say Legolas has a bit of a kink when it comes to Gimli’s muscles? (¬‿¬) is there any particular reason, or is it just one of those things he likes just because it’s so very *Gimli*?

It’s pretty safe to say that until recently, Legolas hadn’t even experienced desire, let alone a kink. I am ganking quite a lot from Tolkien’s writings on Elf sexuality (but not the sexist bleh bits, obvs!), in which the descriptions basically outline an entire race of demisexuals. Legolas would have been ‘oh cool, you have pretty hella arms’ before. 

Now it is HNNNGH ARMS. 

Yeah, he very much likes Gimli’s arms, these days. But mostly because they are Gimli’s. He could have admired a nice pair of arms, or a strong set of shoulders or even *cough* a wealth of red hair before *coughs some more*… but he would not have found them sexy, per se. Now that he is in love with Gimli? HOT DIGGETY DAMN. 

… can I ship Laindawar with myself please? supertall bookish nerd elf with a soft spot for kiddos sounds like a perfect live-in boyfriend

estel-of-the-eyrie:

determamfidd:

(psst that one is Laerophen – Laindawar is his shortarse grumpy older brother 🙂

Absolutely! Ship away, Nonnie! He’s a dork, I warn you 😀

In that case, can I ship myself with Laindawar? Kickass and a little bit hot hea he might be too, IDK) 😀

GO FOR IT. He is much shorter than beanpole Laerophen, so you don’t need to wear platforms to smooch him. Also, he rides a stag. So much swag!