okay, am back.

So I jumped onto tumblr very briefly yesterday to post the FAQ and taglist that I said I would write up (and I’ll edit that as time passes, so that it remains relevant), and I was very heartened to see the (mostly!) very supportive messages in agreement with my actions. I am really glad that so many people think that I have taken the right course of action.

I really don’t wish to dictate to others how they should think or feel or interpret canon yadda yadda. It has been mentioned that, as Sansukh is popular, people are more likely to think of my interpretations. That’s very kind, and I’m incredibly grateful that people enjoy the story and want to hear more of my little ideas.

Everyone has the right to their opinions and ideas about the characters we love. I do feel that I also should have that same right to interpret canon as I wish. So when I use the words “unfounded ‘criticism’” (- i.e. Someone dictating to me how I should write my story and/or interpret characters or situations), that is what I am referring to. My own interpretation is just as legitimate as anybody else’s, and I have the absolute right to tell the story I want to tell.

I will make posts that support my feelings, just as anybody else can on their own personal blog. This is not a blog run by a PR company.

I am HUGELY tired of defending myself when it comes to the word criticism. I have linked to many many instances when I have amended my work, or haven’t known an answer, or have mis-remembered a detail in canon and so reported it incorrectly. THAT is concrete and constructive criticism. Pointing out weak pacing, bad syntax, grammar, spelling etc. – that is always very appreciated as well. You only have to scroll through the AO3 comments on Sansukh itself to find a zillion instances of that!

I have changed the entire nature of the story in order to address legitimate concerns (the concept of ‘Ones’ springs to mind: the problematic nature of pre-destined partners was gently made known to me, and so I revised and reworked the whole of Sansukh as a result.)

I am always open to promptings and correction if I reblog or say anything problematic. I do make mistakes. I am also 300% willing to tag anything, so that others have a more peaceful and enjoyable time in fandom. Just ask! I’m not scary in the slightest, I promise: I am an overly-enthusiastic fandom flailer of old.

However, anons hiding behind the word ‘criticism’ to dictate to me how to interpret and relate characters, events and relationships in my own fic (whilst passive-aggressively upholding their own opinions as the correct and superior way) – I hope you like silence.

If I didn’t take on YOUR “criticism” then it really wasn’t constructive criticism at all, but an attempt to coerce me into your preferred way of thinking. Perhaps you should look into that and examine your actions. The taglist is there. Blacklist away. Be active and responsible for your own dislikes, and block me.

So. There’s that. And there’s an end to it.

influence fandom) as a shield, so they can ‘call you out’ without actually having to talk about what they didn’t like specifically (this kind of thing happens to BNFs a lot from what i’ve seen)

Hey Nonnie,

Yeah, that’s a really good idea. I normally do that for the really long answers, but I guess I’ll do it for all of them. Thank you.

Idk, I have been blue about this for most of today. I feel pretty singled-out, tbh. I don’t think it’s very fair that my headcanons have to be placed under a cut when other fan writers/artists/whatever don’t have to bother. And it makes me wonder: Will I have to do that for say, one-sentence answers? Will I have to do that for everything? But if it makes people happy, I’ll do it.

Someone else suggested that I write up an FAQ and make a tags-list, and I’ll get onto that tomorrow.

I really? don’t much like the term BNF. It smacks of self-aggrandizement and it comes with so many negative connotations: a history of bullying and awfulness and fandom wank. I don’t want any of that. I’m just a fan. I’m just a fan, like any other fan, and I want to be able to do as fans do – make up stories and ideas and think aloud now and then – in the fandoms I enjoy, without hurting others. I really try not to do that. I REALLY do.

Probably going to take a break from tumblr for a while, everyone. To those who have sent me support and ideas: thank you so much.

the way you use your blog as a sounding board to tell people what to do, and the way anons treat this blog as if you have power to make fandom do something, is getting sketchy …

Whoa, I really REALLY do not intend to tell anybody what to do! That’s why I try to be mindful of my language: I use the words ‘perhaps’ and ‘maybe’ when someone makes a suggestion to me, so that others don’t feel pressured. I ALWAYS tag my headcanons (and I use the words ‘I think’ constantly, so that people can see that these are just my own thoughts and don’t feel obliged to agree.) I am tremendously sorry if I am being bossy. I use this blog as a way to construct my own thoughts sometimes, and I do ramble a lot. I will be extra-extra mindful in future.

I can’t be held responsible for what people think I can do. Really, I have enough on my plate with looking after one small person: I am really not in charge of what others do. They are their own autonomous entities.

I am trying to be kind, is all. Sigh. Maybe I should stop answering every question. I would welcome ideas and good, kind and compassionate advice.

Look, I am only another human. I feel that gets forgotten sometimes. I am not a computer sprite, I am not some evilly-cackling caricature, meddling with other people’s minds. I am a real person: a small lady in her pyjamas, a baby at her feet bashing at a toy piano, read your message. I do make mistakes.

I am feeling hugely and vaguely guilty now, and I am trying to think when I have told people what to do?

I do want to avoid being a bully (I was bullied myself, for years and years).

I have tried so hard to be mindful and to be kind. I don’t want to be the kind of person who uses their story to leverage power in a fandom – we’re here to have fun and share ideas, I want to understand people, not to hurt them.

I’m babbling now, probably. I am not disbelieving you, Nonnie, and I don’t much like being treated as though I can make things happen either – I am not magical and I can’t really help, beyond using the tag asked for, or talking about the things they would like me to chat to them about. My motive is to help that person feel better, but perhaps it’s not appropriate. It is tricky when it’s anon, because it’s all out there in the open, and others can feel that it is directed at them I guess?

IDK. I am sorry.

EDIT: to my dear friends, please don’t defend or reassure me or anything: it’s very very kind of you but it doesn’t solve this problem. A good suggestion or two from people for how to deal with this situation (bearing in mind that I am, in fact, a fellow human with feelings!) would be awesome. I would love to continue to answer as many anons as I can and get excited about Sansukh and write up headcanons and ideas, without making others feel that I am trying to direct their thoughts and emotions.

I really thought being careful about my words (and prefacing everything with ‘I think’ etc) would work, but it appears not.