I would marry Bilbo, because living peacefully in Bag End sounds wonderful.
And I would…oh would you look at that. Guess I’m fuckin’ Sauron, too.
(Honest to god @determamfidd made ONE JOKE to me about Mairon being a Fallen Jedi (with the name change and everything IT WORKS) and Aule being his forlorn Jedi Master, and now I feel nothing but pain in TWO FANDOMS for this duo.)
Reasons why Gimli is a precious baby that must be protected and cherished:
His Dad didn’t let him go on the Quest for Erebor because the Company thought he was too young but Gimli was sad because he really wanted to go and you can just imagine him stomping around and moping.
He goes to the Council of Elrond WITH HIS DAD like can you imagine Thranduil and Denethor showing up to this shit? No! But Gloin is there and all like I guess you can go because you didn’t get to go last time and Gimli’s like OH YEAH DAD I GOT THIS and Gloin’s like YES YOU DO BABY I BELIEVE IN YOU I’M SO PROUD.
His brags about Moria essentially being “Guys, you’re going to have such a nice time, my people are going to spoil the shit out of you, Legolas, suck it, you’re going to be SO RESTED AND RELAXED.”
His big old crush on Galadriel that led him to ask just for a strand of hair as his parting gift and she gave him three, which is big symbolically, because she could see into his heart and saw that he was so pure and he adored them and had like no idea why this was a big deal and just UGH.
Gimli and Legolas’ nature hikes in Lothlorien where they became super close friends because like imagine baby Gimli in this super strange place where everyone hates him and he’s just found out a whack ton of his family died horribly but Legolas is like screw you other elves, I’m going to go comfort my new bff and fall in love and it’s SO CUTE.
Okay, so it’s in the LEGO game and shouldn’t count but this GIF ITS OKAY BABY GIMLI WE WILL PROTECT YOU FROM THE GHOSTS!
He fell so in love with the Glittering Caves that the Rohirrim were like sure, you can move on in with your people, and then Gimli a) made it a shared fortress with the Rohirrim and then b) rebuilt the gates of Minas Tirith with FREAKING MITHRIL because he’s got your back, Aragorn, there ain’t nothing getting at you, you just enjoy your honeymoon, friend.
Okay, so I know in the Legolas post I mentioned the
Undying Lands, but like seriously, Gimli leaves his home that he adores
to go to a place full of elves who hate him because he wants to be with
his best friend for the rest of his life and he’ll go in this presumably
shitty boat that Legolas built because Legolas is his Ann Perkins and a
BEAUTIFUL STARFISH.
In short, if you want to fight Gimli, you will have to go through me first because he deserves flower crowns and pretty rocks.
(STILL GOT SCENES TO FINISH. ALSO REWORKING ANOTHER PART. ALSO RESEARCH. and there is schmoop ahoy woohoo)
oh yeah, should mention
Chapter 41 wordcount wip: 11.5K
*mutters* there’s still this gigantic sequence to go and i gotta rewrite a section and i scrapped a whole frikkin scene and re-did it and laksdhgfljahsdfg when it is finally finally done i am gonna hit that post button so hard that this chapter will feel it
Sansukh (http://archiveofourown.org/works/855528/chapters/1637607) which I am not spelling right because there should be a little carrot over the u, is a massive fanfic written by the amazing @determamfidd over the course of almost 3 years so far? ???? oh my gosh I started reading it when I was still in high school and I’m almost halfway through college now it’s been so long
basically it follows Thorin Oakenshield, starting right after the Battle of the Five Armies, and his dead friends and family members (more arrive as the story progresses, of course) in the Halls of Mahal, aka the dwarf afterlife, where they have this pool where they can see what’s going on down in Middle Earth as time continues to progress for the living. The rule is they can only watch, not influence, but because Thorin is a stubborn bastard with a lot of guilt (and deeper mental illness) to work through, he convinces Mahal (Aule in the Silmarillion) to give him the ability to communicate with the living somehow. So he can talk directly into the minds of some people, mostly dwarves, and some can hear him more clearly than others – most of all Gimli, his tiny cousin, whose life Thorin then starts to influence, like, a lot, up to and through the events of LOTR. He also regularly checks in on other characters, like his sister Dis, Dain as he becomes King Under the Mountain, and of course the living members of the Company, most of all Bilbo.
plotwise dets sticks really close to canon, like, it’s canon-compliant for the books and mostly for the movies (except in places where Jackson changed fundamental elements, looking at you ROTK and also Gimli’s characterization in general) and is generally amazing and it’s super fun to watch how canon events can be reinterpreted as influenced by Thorin (and the other dwarves who hang out with him, mainly Fili and Kili and after the Khazad-Dum part, which is so painful to read but so good, Balin and Oin and Ori, as well as some OCs, many of whom are related to Thorin somehow. like his mom and grandma are fantastic).
But the very best thing imo comes with how not-canon it is: unlike in anything linguistics fuckboy John Ronald Reuel (that’s just how I’m referring to Tolkien now forever sorry) ever wrote, I think a solid majority of the characters are not heterosexual or male. And there’s so much cool exploration of how dwarves fit into the rest of Middle Earth and deal with basically the rest of elven-dominated Middle Earth being dicks to them since the beginning of time,
and also of how different races understand sex and sexuality (the main ships being bagginshield and gigolas, with lots of other things on the side (some involving OCs) for people both dead and alive) and in general there’s really solid representation for basically everyone as the story progresses.
and, of course, lots of angst! because a. they’re all dead, and b. it wouldn’t be Middle Earth unless elves were angsting about mortals and mortals were angsting about their legacies and hobbits were spending literally the rest of their unnaturally-elongated lives angsting about dead asshole dwarves. it’s just so good okay like it’s a lot to get through but if you’ve read LOTR or the Silmarillion I bet you can manage. So yeah if you haven’t already read Sansukh and would like to read, basically, Tolkien but in a way that’s more accessible for people who aren’t straight white men, this is it. read it. go
GOOOOOOOOD GOOOLLLLYYYYY GRAAAAAAAVYYYYYY
omfg THANK YOU I’M SO HAPPY AND OVERWHELMING AND GRATEFUL, I’M DYING HERE I’M GONNA EXPLODE INTO A SHOWER OF CONFETTI
Aw Yiss 