It’s the Return of the Bride of the Monster of the Night of the HEADCANONPALOOZA!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10

(this is what happens when I am too busy to get to tumblr for a few days, whoops – sorry sorry anons!!!)

BOFUR WOULD HAVE THE BEST GRANDUNCLE JOKES. 

*battle flashbacks at the mention of Frozen* oh god, babysitting scars, I bear them… 

Balinith toddling over to the shelf and declaring “BU!’ and choosing one and bringing it back to his parent to read it to him, until there is a pile fifteen books high beside Dwalin or Orla… aaand probably chucking a wobbly when it’s bedtime, because ‘NO NO NO MORE BU!’ 

(this is actually what the Dwarfling is doing RIGHT NOW. Her favourite is ‘Where is the Green Sheep’ by Mem Fox!!)

And hells YES – Gloin would be full of AMAZING advice (mostly the kind that sounds complicated, but in essence always boils down to ‘teach ‘em to be good Dwarves, and then trust ‘em to be good Dwarves’.)

So Groin lived until Gimli was in his 40s … Imagine Groin with his grandbabies. Cuddles and walks and 100% proudest grandpa. Groin takes Gimli out so Gimris can nap uninterrupted, and takes both kids out so Gloin and Mizim can have some quiet time. Gimli is sure that his grandpa is the nicest, bestest grandpa ever. Gimris loves his cookies (so does Dwalin, who comes over often to snarf them).

I KNOOOOOOWWWWWW – I love that Gimli actually got to know one of his grandparents, goodness knows it would have been a rather rare event in that generation!

Awwwww Gimli and Gimris and adoring sweetheart grampy Groin, AWWWW

I’m having feels about all the fave characters repurposing stuff after the Mountain’s reclaimed. Wee Thorin sleeps in Balin’s old crib, which is freshly reupholstered with a war-pig pattern. Oin uses his dad’s apothecary measuring set, with the one piece that Groin had in his pocket on the way out replaced. Dis gives the Stonehelm and Bomfris the royal baby jewelry, all Teary-eyed over the tiny pieces. Gloin uses Haban’s abacus.

THIS IS BOTH BEAUTIFUL AND SAD, NONNIE

So Dis has lots of bad days on the many birthdays and death-days of her many relatives. Does she prefer to be alone on these times, or do her family and friends come in to distract her? (Dain totally would come and tell stories with her – with beer). Dwalin and Balin might come and sit with her for a while, enjoying some pipes.

Oh yes, Nonnie, she would have company. Though Dis often believes herself to be alone, she is by no means forgotten. 

Dori is always an unobtrusive presence, pouring tea and shifting the plate of biscuits closer to her hand. He knows, far better than most, how she feels. 

(She does something similar for him, on certain days.)

Dwalin plies her with far too much to drink, and they laugh and complain long into the night. He ends up snoring on her hearth, and she falls asleep in her grandmother’s armchair, and they both have terrible heads in the morning… but it’s worth it.

Dain brings beer and stories, definitely. He hums quietly under his breath, to make the place less empty. He’s quieter than usual, on those days… but now and then he brings something new, discovered in the moldering archives or in the tunnels. A letter written by her father. Her mother’s harp (desperately needing re-stringing). Her grandfather’s favourite worry-stone, the runes nearly worn smooth. The record of Frerin’s birth, and the list of songs and ceremonies that greeted his presentation.

That always hurts. But it’s a welcome hurt, and a dear one. She will cry when he brings her these things… but then he often does too, and that’s why. That’s why.

Balin doesn’t need to say a damn word. Balin can just look at her with those old, knowing eyes, and she can feel it sizzle in the air between them.

Mizim and Gloin invite her to their rooms, full of arguing and fondness and love. There, Dis will knead dough for the next day’s bread and bicker with Gloin, as Mizim fires off the occasional random snarky comment, and Gimli and Gimris squabble like Dwarflings of twenty. Then when the meal is ready, Gloin will clear his throat and raise a toast to the departed, and Dis will not answer, only hold her glass high. 

Later, Gimli will rest his head upon her knee, and she will comb out his hair with slow, soft motions. Her fingers linger in that mass of blood red, soft and thick, as coarse as Fili’s ever was. Not Kili’s, though. Kili’s was smoother. 

(She knows he doesn’t care to have his hair fussed with. She knows that not even his mother is permitted this.)

Gimizh has a being-a-relative-to-school event, and is in a tizzy about who to bring. His mum or dad? Uncle Gimli? His grandpa or grandma? Aunt Dis? (He thought better of taking Dis because she was maybe a little sad around a lot of kids, especially since his seat-mate is blond.) eventually he takes Gloin, and talks about how great his grandpa is and how he helps Gimizh read big words and reach high stuff. And play games and snuggle and stories. And he can count real high in his head. Gloin is <3

AWWWWWWW That is ADORABLE

I can imagine Gimizh being all, 😀 “See! I TOLD YOU MY GRANDPA HAD A BIGGER BEARD THAN YOUR GRANDPA! Oh yeah, and he did that Quest thingy that one time.”

Oin decided he wanted to be a doctor very early on – just like his dad! Helping people, doing good! He would use his dolls as guinea pigs, wrapping them in bandages and stuff. Gloin and Dwalin were also dragged into duty as “patients.” Groin once caught Oin trying to give Dwalin an enema because he was complaining of constipation.

YIIIIIKES

That would NOT have been a good scene to walk in upon

yiiiiikes yikes yikes yikes um YIKES. 

Gloin totally went on and on to Dwalin about how awesome he thought Mizim was when they were first married. Dwalin was so done. Then when Dwalin was a newlywed and was gushing about Orla to Gloin (as much as Dwalin can gush), Gloin was like /revenge!!!/ Mizim and Orla were all *eye roll*

Awwwwww Nonnie ❤

My Gloin is something of an epic romantic! Poorly hidden under his beard and his grumpiness, there beats the heart of a SECRET SOFT GOOEY MARSHMALLOW

so I also think he’d be all, ‘Awww, Dwalin’s so happy. Look at him, bein’ happy. ain’t it marvellous, ain’t it a marvellous thing, isn’t it a wonderful day… tell me again ‘bout how you made her that new set o’ steel wristcuffs?’

(Mizim, meanwhile, would totally be showing Orla her bow.)