I was delighted to have my second comic published on The Nib yesterday! The script for this one is by Josh Trujillo, and the art is me. You can read my other Nib comic here. You can find more of my work on instagram, patreon and my website.
Happy Pride Month 🙂 Be proud who you are, love who you love ❤
Seventeen things you have to learn for yourself
as a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Intersex, Asexual, Pansexual
or otherwise Queer youth
by the time you are seventeen.
One is that the first Pride was a riot
I don’t mean that it was full of laughter, or that it was some grand party
where everyone spiraled up to dance among the stars
because the only glittering that night
was broken glass on cobblestones.
The first Pride was a riot
on the backstreets of New York
and they never tell us
that night
we won.
The only protest
in a decade full of turmoil
where the cops had to hide out in the bar they raided
and run from shouting rioters
who fought to reclaim the only patch of ground they had ever claimed as theirs
the first Pride was a riot,
and two, around the same time it took place
it was a debated topic in the gay community
whether or not they should say
that they weren’t mentally ill
which, three, homosexuality was removed
from the American Psychiatric Association’s list of mental illnesses
in 1974
congratulations
all it took was a vote to declare that, whoops, we were never mentally ill
except, four, there are still teenagers being tortured today
in what some dare blaspheme as “therapy”
used to destroy their self-identity
in the hopes of making them normal.
except, four, the queer community still carries overwhelmingly high rates for poverty and homelessness and depression.
Did you know that, five,
over half the children forced into conversion therapy
commit suicide?
And six, that lesbians
were regarded as “hangers-on”
of the movement
by much of the gay community
before the AIDS crisis?
Because it turns out, seven can wear a rainbow on your shirt
and still be a bigot.
There are people who stick rainbows in their ears
or wear them on their fingers
or slap them across their cheeks in badges of defiance
and will still hate you for the color of your skin
or the size of your thighs
or your gender
or the way you like to kiss two or more genders
or none of the above.
Don’t ask me why this happens
it just does
I think it might be that we’ve all been taught to hate ourselves
for so damn long
that we don’t understand what to do
in a space with no hate.
Or maybe it’s that the space seems too small, because
eight, there are people who will tell you that you are not enough
that you do not reach the magical benchmark of “gay enough” to pass through the gate even
especially
when you are some flavor of the rainbow other than straight-out gay.
eight, this is bullshit
eight, those people are bullshit.
eight, you are enough.
eight, there is always enough room.
nine, there is no overarching “homosexual agenda”
sorry
we’re all kind of flailing along in here trying to figure out some way to make it work
when most of us have nothing in common
except that society looked at us in different ways and decided we didn’t fit
so we could all go be misfits together
under one big rainbow flag
but just so you know, ten, there are plenty of other flags
there is one for you, I promise
and eleven, misfits may not all need the same things
but we need to stick together, especially in a world where
twelve—refer to point seven—there are lesbians who hate other lesbians
for having the audacity to be born in a body
that everyone looked at and saw “boy”
which brings me to
thirteen, there is so much to understand.
fourteen, you need to understand
because we need to stick together
and to stick together we do not have to be the same but we do have to understand
and it will be hard because
you were probably thrown into this world with no warning because
fifteen, being queer is not genetic and we are not unique among minorities
in that we collect our heritage through broken bits of history and research in a world constantly working to make those misfit bits go away
but we are unique in that when we try to prove our legacy
we can be laughed down
or re-erased
or flat out ignored
but I swear to you
you have a history as old as Alexander the Great
as beautiful as Sappho
as dignified as Abraham Lincoln
and as proud as Eleanor Roosevelt.
But even with that behind us
sixteen,
they have always watched us die.
because even though the bystander effect is bullshit, sixteen
Kitty Genovese was a lesbian, sixteen
Ronald Reagan is a mass murderer, sixteen
our children, your brothers and sisters and siblings of all stripes and all colors and sexualities and genders are being murdered
through neglect
and rejection
and hate.
Sixteen, there is an entire generation of gay and bisexual men
missing from history
because the government chose to do nothing
when they were dying by the thousands.
sixteen, we died from the disease and died from going back into the closet and died for staying there and died for coming out,
sixteen, they laughed at us because they believed god was punishing us for daring to love,
sixteen, ashes of your forerunners rest on the lawn of the White House because
SIXTEEN, THEY HAVE ALWAYS WATCHED US DIE.
SEVENTEEN
you are allowed
to be angry.
You do not have to be one of the nice gays
or one of the nice trans people
or sweet or kind or educate the rest of the world in something less than a yell
you are allowed to be so furious it scalds your bones
at the way we are forgotten
and passed over
at the way, as soon as June becomes July
we are expected
to go back to dying in silence
and mourning our dead
and kissing all alone
when no one can be offended
at the sight of us.
You are allowed to be angry
and scream down the stars
to shatter like broken glass at your feet
because you know what?
The first Pride
was a riot.
i know terms like wlw, sapphic, etc. are a bit awkward and are sometimes used in inappropriate ways, and i get why not everyone likes them. but i really appreciate the effort toward a renewed focus on what lesbians and bi women have in common and the desire to unite around that. i think it’s so much healthier than the attitude popular a couple years ago that basically saw us as wildly different species and suggested that bi women who sought community with lesbians were traitors and fools (or vice versa). i feel more hopeful now for young women and girls coming out and venturing onto tumblr, that they might find an online refuge a little less fraught with conflict, with an emphasis on common ground
I barely see any posts about this so here’s a s/o to the questioning wlw who do not know whether they are bi or lesbian, who do not know if their attraction to men-aligned ppl is real or not, who can’t tell weather this is compulsory heterosexuality playing tricks on them or if it’s internalized biphobia.
As a lesbian who used to identify as bisexual, i know how frustrating it is to not know which one you are, how infuriating it is to always keep changing, to not know which community you belong to.
But in time I can assure you that you will finally figure it out. And weather you end up identifying as bisexual, lesbian or just sapphic/wlw, you have my full support. I wish you luck
idk why u used so many words to say “i hate bi people” when the 4 i just used work fine
this ask is unfortunate lmfao dont yall ever get tired of just copying the same bullshit over and over in order to try and promote biphobia within the l/g community and vise versa…like…we don’t hold privilege over each other when will that argument die!!! is a couple who looks like a man and a woman less likely to be attacked than a couple who looks like two men or two women?? yes of course but in stating that bi people in “het passing” (which is a gross term btw but ok) relationships hold actual privilege over lesbians and gay men ur also throwing non binary and trans people under the bus. a trans woman, even a straight trans woman, will never hold privilege over a gay cis man!!! can yall honestly just like stop sucking ur own asses for one (1) mfing moment like honestly are u capable of just,,,,hitting that little red x at the top of the screen and going outside? talking to someone in a non-virtual setting? have u ever even been to a physical queer space in real time lmao?? have u ever seen a bi person face-to-face? are we just these hypothetical creatures that yall don’t actually know that much about, but u have heard that we like to wave our nasty bisexuality in ur face a lot and talk about how we just love ending up with the opposite sex!! u have heard all about our “bi privilege” and so u have just taken it upon urselves to make sure we are aware of all the ways in which we are less queer + more straight than yall!
not to mention “bihets” like??? even if u were TRYING to seem like u don’t hate “”””all”””” bi people, u fucking failed dude lol goodnight thanks for playing but u didn’t land the shot. i can’t believe u made me read this with my own two eyes lmao i need leyesol to wash em out with
so lets just talk about bi privilege for a sec just like sit down and get ready bbygirl because u managed to hit me on a day where i have the time to work through this trash ask one moldy letter at a time. like i get the confusion but when i say my blog is garbage i don’t mean it in the literal sense and it’s not an invitation for u to flush ur soiled tampons down into my inbox
bi privilege is being made aware that our status as bi relies on the gender of our partner, and that depending on who we choose to fuck or date, our sexuality is always going to be erased by the people around us. bi privilege is being treated like bisexuality is temporary, and we’re bound to “pick a side eventually”–because falling in love and deciding to enter a faithful monogamous relationship with someone completely overrides the fact that we are still and always will be bi
bi privilege is being talked down to about what “bi” really means, by people who aren’t even bi. it means being accepted only under the conditions that we throw out the smaller parts of our own community–non binary bi people, trans bi people, ace bi people, aro bi people–so that we can rest easy knowing that the gatekeepers aren’t coming for us (yet)
bi privilege is not being considered acceptable unless we’re “gay enough” (read: dating someone of the same gender, so good luck if ur nb) for u, but the second a bi person jokingly calls themselves gay, yall lose ur goddamned minds because apparently a bi person calling themselves gay is a queer nuclear apocalypse (but yall can call us “bihet” and “basically straight” all day long ok sure jan)
bi privilege is having to dismantle the “we’re just gonna cheat on u” and “we’re just experimenting” and “we’re just looking for attention” and “we’re just confused” and “we’re going to suddenly wake up one day and realize that we miss guys/girls” stereotypes before we can be deemed “dateable” by straight OR gay people
bi privilege is having self-identified bisexuals constantly erased as gay or straight, both within and outside of the lgbta+ community (yes i am talking about david bowie and freddie mercury and angelina jolie and halsey). bi privilege is having bisexual characters dropped the minute they aren’t in a same-sex relationship, and are “more visibly representative of the entire lgbta+ community”–because bi characters can never just be for bi folks (yes i am talking about clarke griffin and sara lance and ravi roy)
by the way, u didn’t mention in ur ask but i’m assuming this hatred of bi people doesn’t stop at just those in “het passing” relationships, and continues to encompass closeted bi people, questioning bi people, and bi people who aren’t in a relationship at all, so that ur left with the comfortable (if purposefully minuscule) crowd of “acceptable” bi people: strictly male or female (no enbys allowed) bi people in strictly m/m or f/f relationships. and like, i know this might be shocking because i am technically acceptable by those standards, but that’s complete horse shit and yall know it. at this point i’m half convinced u just like looking stupid. maybe it’s a kink
u know what’s unfortunate? the fact that u would rather take the time it takes to send me this than learn about bi people, who make up almost the majority of ur community, but i guess u just can’t be assed to care about us unless we “pick the right side”
u know what’s unfortunate? the fact that nothing from my answer is meant to imply that gay men and women don’t face their own myriad of issues both within and outside of the lgbta+ community (because they certainly do) but i know the biphobes out there are incapable of seeing literally anything written by a bi person that doesn’t explicitly condemn “het” relationships without thinking it’s bi code for “hi hate gay people”, and so i’m gonna end up with a litany of comments about how i’m homophobic because i’m not willing to swallow ur diatribe of biphobic rhetoric like a cheap blow job, thanks for that
honestly it’s like if i don’t consistently post 24/7/365 (366 on leap year) about how much i hate those gross male men people and how unfortunate it is that i’ve ever even looked at a boy and how i have nightmares about possibly holding a gross boy man hand in the future then yall rush to accuse me of being a “bihet” or a “fake bi” or a lesbophobe or whatever
and that’s not to mention the fact that when i say i’m asexual yall about have an aneurism because–ASEXUALITY IS JUST INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA and don’t i know that i actually DO want to ride my gf’s face deep down inside i just secretly hate girls including myself too damn much howsad.gif
u know what’s unfortunate? the fact that yall are more concerned with those nasty “bihets” than the biphobia and transphobia and aphobia and racism running rampant within yalls community. and yall would rather do more to widen the gap between the mga and l/g communities than to close it, and yall would rather try and pit bi people against each other based on who we date and sleep with than support us (unless, apparently, we’re “gay enough” for u). sort out ur fucking priorities m8, they make u look like a tool
*STANDING OVATION*
oh and also I quickly wanna add – Brenda Howard, the Mother of Pride, was an activist and a proud bisexual woman in a relationship with a man. Organised the very first Pride March. I’ll quote from that piece I just linked: We march today because a bisexual woman marched then.
Riiiight, fucknuckle, a real ‘drain on the community’.
know your damn history before you decide to be a POS.
Oh cripes. Nonnie, I am sorry. That is a shitty thing for your mum to say to you.
I don’t know if it is advice worth following, because you know your family best. But here is what I would do: I’d ignore her. I would completely, COMPLETELY ignore these hurtful, ignorant comments. I’d say totally nothing. NOTHING. Let the silence get awkward. Let the crickets chirp for every bigoted remark. I’d allow these statements to echo around the room, so she can hear how small it sounds.
if pressed for a comment, I’d probably just shrug. Or flatly: “Okay.”
Then I’d go and vent to a trusted friend who knows me, in safety and in private.
Again, you know your family best, so if this sort of small, silent rebellion wouldn’t work for you, or if you feel it is dangerous, then don’t try it. But I do think it is a good idea to seek out a trusted friend who cares for ALL of you, and let it out. Not in a place your family can overhear, of course!
I’m sorry that this is something you have to face from your folks, Nonnie. And I’m proud of your strength. So proud. You are real, healthy, valid and authentic in your bisexuality, just as you are. *hugs again*
Aw Yiss 