
Tag: lmao
General things I’ve gathered from the seven-ish years I’ve been in choir
1. Nobody likes the sopranos
2. The sopranos don’t even like the sopranos
3. The only people that like sopranos are the ones that write the music and that one soprano that dominates the rest
4. The altos are never loud enough
5. But when they are, they’re the most beautiful sounding creatures and make the sopranos jealous of their rich tones
6. Basses hardly get the attention they deserve because their parts are so. dull. And yet they have the most work to do because singers barely know how to sight read and these basses have to read the goddamn bass cleft does anyone even understand that shit???
7. But you better believe everyone is going to pay attention when it’s just the basses practicing because holy shit have you heard a bass sing
8. No one knows how to sight read. Literally everyone is doing it by ear. And half the time, the sopranos don’t even have to sight read because they have the melody. Again.
9. The tenors have the entire music industry catered to them, and yet they will always be secretly jealous of the basses
10. A first soprano will be offended if you demote her to second soprano for even one song. No one knows why.
11. The choir director is always tired. And angry. And passive aggressive. Do not chew gum in front of them unless you want to be chewed on yourself.
12. If you think having Christmas decorations being sold in November is ridiculous, don’t speak to someone in the choir. They have been practicing every Christmas carol since the first week of September. The Christmas Spirit does not exist for a choir soul. They are numb to it.
13. Do not make the choir sing anything by Handel. That is a form of Torture. Please be kind to the choir. They’ve been through enough already.
14. Stay away from the piano. Especially if it’s a Steinway. Firstly, no one likes that one douchebag that plays Heart and Soul every goddamn time they touch the keys. Secondly, that’s a Steinway and the choir director will have a heart attack if it’s even slightly damaged.
15. The most common phrase heard in choir is “SOPRANOS, NOT SO LOUD”
Actual quotes from my university choir director:
“Tenors, pinch a dime between your asscheeks!”
“Dear Opal: it’s this note. Love, Opal.”
“Altos, what the shit?”
“Life is not adagio!!”
“I swear it takes an act of God and congress…”
And then one from a different choir director, just as beloved, and just as unhinged:
*WORDLESS ROARING WHILE CONDUCTING A 3 IN ONE LARGE ARM-SWING FIST-PUMP CIRCLE*
I’m not even a vocalist but as a music major I still have to study SATB vocal pieces and God damn it the bass parts are bullshit. We’re always taught to move up or down by step when writing a piece, then you have the basses that have to jump like fourths and fifths on every Goddamn note. Basses get absolutely no love, instrumentalists and vocalists alike.
You should definitely try Star Wars. Your writing and that fandom? *everything explodes* yes. perfect
The force is calling meeeeeeee 😉
THAT’S NOT HOW THE FORCE WORKS
The Kink beneath the mountains,
The Kink of carven stone,
The lord of smutty fanfics
Shall come into his own!
Dain and Oin, being crotchety old coots in the afterlife. Sass everywhere.
Too many puns. Also beer. Lots of beer. Oin plays the jug, Dain plays fiddle, and both of them are atrocious singers. 🙂
One of the things I like about Tolkien writing his series from the perspective of “its a translation from Westron” is that any time he uses ‘Christian’ speech (words like evil, dark v light motifs, demon–words that are specifically coded from what is a common view from Christian Europe) is that that doesn’t mean things were actual demons. He did what translators would do: write it to make sense to the people reading it. It also means that because we do not have the ‘original’ text (because it never existed except in his mind), we do not know what the proper words or descriptors are in Westron culture. We just know what the generic sense is, what its supposed to evoke.
This little part of his writing makes it so masterful. It means that we as fans are also given great freedom to read in between lines and fantasize as we like. It goes back to Tolkien’s comments on what fantasy is: fun. He provided us a translated text and it means we can create many variations from how we want to read the mysteries in between.
If one wanted to get even more meta about this, then there’s the fact that Tolkien suggested (repeatedly) that human languages had their basis in elven ones. According to his mythos, most humans first learned language and crafts from elves. And you can see this relationship continuing even into the later Ages, with human characters bearing the names of elves. Right up to “Ælfwine”, who supposedly transcribed much of the Silmarillion (and other assorted things) from Pengolodh, and whose name is a real life name which literally means “elf friend”.
So, what you have here is humans learning words and concepts from elves which they weren’t really equipped to understand. Because elves aren’t actually humans with pointed ears, they’re really quite alien, and experience the world in a completely different way. From the very beginning, you have humans basing their cultures around a fundamental misunderstanding, and this fundamental misunderstanding is transliterated and proliferated over thousands of years.
You could, technically, blame the very existence of most of the “Christian Europe coded” things on elves. Or rather, on humans who met elves and didn’t understand what the fuck they were saying but thought it sounded cool anyway.
I’m reblogging this with my own stupid tags because what’s the point of having a good tag rant if tumblr cuts it off:
talk to me about LaCE. and ‘sex’ and ‘marriage’ being literally the same word for elves. not necessarily because they were pro-abstinence puritans but. because elves are fucking telepathic. and that changes their perception of every goddamn social interaction period. and they bind inseparably. absolutely does not say they cant do this more than once. rather the opposite. also doesnt say that this happens the first time they have sex. or which kinds of sex acts cause bonding. does not say at all. but the very fact that this is a biological reality for them?. of *course* ‘sex’ and ‘marriage’ are the same concept to them??. it’s basically saying ‘we share ourselves utterly when we do this’. ‘because we’re telepaths’. ‘and sometimes that sharing becomes permanent and irrevocable’. but this is not a biological reality for humans. who misunderstand. because humans arent telepaths. they just misunderstand the elf concept of ‘marriage’. to mean that you SHOULD ONLY HAVE SEX AFTER MARRIAGE. AFTER A CEREMONY WHICH TO ELVES. IS PRACTICALLY MEANINGLESS??. i can just imagine an elf learning this and being like. ‘wait hold up back up a second’. ‘you guys seriously consider this ceremony’. ‘to be marriage’. ??? ??. ‘yeah how do you guys do it??’ says the human. ‘the ceremony is just a polite form of public recognition’ says the elf. ‘anyone who wanted to get married could just do that’. ‘but HOW’ says the human. ‘?? they marry?’ says the elf. ‘define marriage’ says the human. ‘the binding of two people together’ says elf. ‘okay that sounds the sa-’. ‘the physical act is a metaphor’ the elf continues. ‘oh’ says the human ‘i think i get it’ but DOES HE. DOES HE REALLY. =actual conversation between aelfwine and pengolodh at some point probably. as recorded in Laws and Customs Among the Eldar.
I’m reblogging this from myself yet again because it strikes me as an absolute TRAGEDY that no one has really mined this particular facet of canon for the wealth of cultural misunderstandings it offers, so I’m going to offer a few suggestions.
elf #1: I heard that humans actually marry in public, with spectators standing all around!
elf #2: oh, don’t be silly, they don’t marry like we do
elf #1: how do they procreate then?
elf #2: heavily ritualized but very brief skin contact, usually kissing
elf #1: that’s ridiculous
elf #2: it’s no more ridiculous than your theory!human: hey friend, I wanted to invite you to be my best man!
elf: …? your what?
human: my best man! I’m getting married!
elf: !!!
elf: are. are you propositioning me.
human: what
elf: whathuman: by the way, I’m getting married
elf: that’s nice, love is a great and wonderful thing
human: oh, I don’t really love him, you understand how it is, he can provide for me and my family
elf: wait, what?? i thought you said you were getting married
human: ???
elf: i don’t think we’re talking about the same thinga human scholar, ripping their hair out hundreds of years later: this text says this historical figure married THIS person, and that one says they married THAT person, and I have a dozen more like this saying this same elf was married to a dozen OTHER PEOPLE??
human readers, millennia later: why are there so many blank spaces in the family trees?? who the fuck are the parentsI find that a fun exercise to do while reading any of Tolkien’s works is to replace any mention of “marriage” or similar (when in reference to elves) with “they had sex”. Because, well, it’s exactly the same thing. More literally than usual. Also a fun exercise: Remembering that elves “sleep” (for a given definition of that word) with their eyes open, and then imagining Beren or Tuor settling in for post-coital snuggling only to find themselves stared at, unblinkingly, all night.
‘He sounds like a very strange creature, this thief of yours,’ said a young Dwarf called Fili (Thorin’s nephew, as I afterwards learned). ‘What is his name, or the one that he uses?’
‘Hobbits use their real names,’ I said. ‘The only one that he has is Bilbo Baggins.’
‘What a name!’ said Fili, and laughed.
Unfinished Tales of Númenor and Middle-earth
(via woodland-realm-wandering)




