Australia has a ‘swooping season’
every fall where residents have to
dodge a multitude of magpies that
aggressively protect their nests
by dive-bombing anything and
everything in their vicinity. SourceSource 2
@leftnotright you better confirm this, i actually like magpies…. so far
@plunnybreeder Tis true, tis true. I have been attacked and so has my father, he had a scar on his neck from a rather courageous one! Fun times in Australia.
*groans* Just when I thought swans were the worsts (and also badass and prettiest), here come the lil’ hellspawns from the sky. Oh well. I still like you guys.
and @blackkatmagic is this what you had in mind for Itama in “One is for Sorrow”?
Actually, no! Australian magpies are a type of butcherbird, while European magpies (what Itama becomes) are a type of corvid, like crows. It was tempting to make him an Australian magpie, because they’re terrifying, but the corvid magpies are one of the smartest birds in the world. And also corvids, which makes them just as scary lbr.
It’s hard to imagine. I mean, here, these birds are notorious for snatching anything shiny that’s not nailed down, but actually attacking people?!
@stereden yep. We resort to wearing zipties all over our bike helmets to discourage them from swooping:
this is a real thing
it’s totally, utterly normal and accepted
Swooping season lasts for all of Spring, generally (Late August to October…ish) – so, your Autumn-time, our Springtime… when the birds begin breeding
people have been known to get creative
because our Aussie magpies are actual murderbirds that are twice the size of a European magpie, and can punch their beaks through your goddamn hand. Seriously, look at this beak ok
they are NOT clever lil collecting corvids, they’re big strong (and noisy…!) butcherbirds. Most of the year they are chill and leave you alone. Their song is actually really nice.
but once a year they go into ATTACK MODE: KILL ANYTHING THAT MOVES EVEN REMOTELY CLOSE TO MY NEST. KILL IT GOOD AND DEAD.
Swooping Season: Just Say Arrrghfuckshitnohelpit’saftermeit’sfuckingafterme
look at it look at that weird birb it doesn’t know how to raven
Well that would be because here you have your Eurasian or Common Magpie:
and then you have your black-billed or American Magpie (photo via onthewingphotography.com and damn isn’t that pretty):
You’ve got your Korean Magpie (image via kurtzesinkorea.wordpress.com)… you should be seeing a theme here by now:
Then you have the various oriental (blue or green) magpies, and there’s a couple of azure-winged magpies as well. Smallish, pretty birds; all corvids, which means they’re probably fairly intelligent and like shiny things.
And then there’s the Australian magpie, which is a violent red-eyed insane butcherbird, which means it’s extremely intelligent and likes murder.
WE HAVE DERPY CROWS BECAUSE THE MAGPIES ALREADY TOOK THE ‘OMINOUS BIRD OF DOOM’ SLOT, OKAY?!
For the uninitiated, this is what Magpies are like during “swooping season” here in Australia.
Fun fact: people have been known to walk around with empty ice cream containers on their heads to protect themselves in lieu of helmets.
Things to remember:
1) This is an Australian magpie. it is not like European magpies.It’s not a flappy bappy chirpy little shitbag you can bat away with your palm. This is a fucking crow in cow makeup
2) Cats and dogs will not try and take them on because cats and dogs know they will lose
3) They live for 25 years and yes, they will remember your face. Although I will confess that my 36 years of life I have never seen a dead one. Under tumblr logic this means they are immortal
4) They are insane. Cold stone bug-fuck insane. And they give zero fucks.I’ve seen them attack cyclists, moving cars, trucks, even a goddamn train.
So imagine, if you will, you are walking merrily down a street one spring and suddenly this train-assaulting, cow-cosplaying ball of immortal feathers and batshit insanity comes screaming out of nowhere and tries to embed itself in the back of your skull, beak clacking like the pump of a shotgun as it tears out chunks of your hair.
If you thought snakes, spiders and sharks were the only main problems of Australia, you obviously have not heard of magpies.
Don’t look so bad ay?
Well that picture was probably when it wasn’t spring.
Because once it is swooping season they turn into FREAKIN DEVIL TERRITORIAL NEST PROTECTORS WHO ATTACK ANYONE AND EVERYONE REGARDLESS OF IF THEY COULD EVEN REACH THE NEST.
THESE MOTHER FUCKERS DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE A HUMAN JUST WALKING DOWN THE STREET, THEY DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE TRYING TO RIDE YOUR BIKE.
THEY WILL KILL YOU.
THEY DON’T EVEN CARE IF YOU’RE A CAMERA.
THEY DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE A CHILD. I mean, this one, Psycho Sam, decided to take up residence at a playground near where I live.
AND HE WAS NAMED PSYCHO SAM FOR A GOOD REASON.
THESE BIRDS ARE TERRIFYING WHEN THEY HAVE NESTS.
The only way to be safe from them is to do this
Which looks rediculous to tourists, but IF YOU VALUE YOUR HEAD, THEN YOU SHOULD PROBABLY DO IT.
Fun fact: Australian magpies are not actually magpies! Magpies are Corvids, along with ravens, jays, crows, etc; Australian magpies are butcherbirds of the Cracticus genus.
Corvids are the frighteningly intelligent ones who can solve puzzles, recognize themselves in mirrors, use tools, etc. They might be the most intelligent birds! The European magpie, Pica pica, is a friendly, bouncy birb, so fond of shiny things that people who like shiny things are called magpies – and the medical compulsion to eat inedible things, such as paper, is called “pica.” Magpies are associated with an old counting/ prediction rhyme:
one for sorrow
two for joy
three for a girl
four for a boy…
Clearly a different birb than PSYCHO SAM.
Because the Australian magpie, Cracticus tibicen, has the same colors as a European magpie, but is clearly a different animal. It’s a stocky songbird with a distinctive broad, hooked murderbeak, while Pica is a crow in a fancy tux; compare Pica’s long, dapper tail with the Cracticus’s sturdy fan. It’s called a butcherbird because it kills things and impales them on thorns for easy storage, creating a nice “larder.”
Like, the name “magpie” is such a cute jaunty thing. While “butcherbird” is clearly a stone cold killer. Should we all be calling the Aussie magpie a butcherbird?
I’m not sure what the take-home message is here. Maybe #notALLmagpies???
Aw Yiss 