Commission for lovely @gimleafanatic and her AMAZING story Nothing Gold Can Stay!
If you are into LotR, drop whatever it is that you’re doing, and go read it!! Seriously. Go read it, it’s great.
Tag: nudity
Which Member of the Company Is Most Likely to Show You Their Dick?
Dwalin: If you ask him outright he might want to fight you. Instead, suggest some elves were doubting the might of Dwarven Weaponry, sit back and enjoy the show.
Balin: You can ask him. He will look only mildly disappointed in you. You will cry anyway. He’ll pat you on the back and offer to write you down titles of a few erotic publications he heard were particularly skillfully illustrated.
Fili: As long as neither Uncle nor Mister Dwalin is looking. Unfortunately, before he can remove all the knives out of the way, one or the other would come check what’s to do.
Kili: Totally would. Are you sure you want to ask tho? There could be anything down these trousers.
Oin: He can show you his pick. He can show you a stick. He can show you a brick. And he’ll do it real quick. How long are you prepared to yell “DICK” on top of your lungs, out in the open like that?
Gloin: Gloin will not show you hid dick. He will, however show you a picture of his wife, the person with exclusive rights to his dick, the most beautiful dwarrowdam in the Blue Mountains, mother to the bravest lad and the most promising axe fighter his age in the Blue Mountains, etc. etc.
Dori: Will most definitely NOT show you his dick. And he’ll thank you not to extend any such offers to his brothers. The nerve of some people. He will require a whole pot of chamomile tea to calm down. He will have his eye on you from now on, to be sure.
Nori: “Sure, which one? I was feeling adventurous so I packed three.”
Ori: You will not have a chance to ask Ori. It was a mistake to ask Dori first. Do not approach Ori. He might want to approach you. In that case, run.
Bifur: Has been sunbathing in the nude any chance he got, since the very beginning of the quest. At this point, you are considering asking him to stop showing his dick all the time.
Bofur: Buy him a beer or three and he’ll jump on a table,
whip it out,
and make a demonstration of his flute-playing technique. Do it when elves are present.
Bombur: Won’t show you his dick, but ask anyway. He’s got a very cute blush.
Bilbo Baggins: He’ll be taken aback. Disbelieving. Apalled. Amused. Considering. Suspicious. Huffy. Pensieve. Gobsmacked. Apologetic. Self-depreciating. All that will take approximately 10 seconds. Then he’ll attempt to refuse, trip over a choice of platitudes, look over your shoulder, blink, and drop trout. Then he’ll put his clothing to rights, thank you, for some reason, and saunter off looking mighty pleased with himself.
Thorin Oakenshield: If you hurry up you can catch him masturbating, right this moment.
bonus: Gandalf
I saw these sexy night garments and I had to draw somebody wearing them. Decided to draw this tree with his favorite hairy stump.
Baby Gimli hates pants. He frequently runs around half-naked. This, like many things, is frequently blamed on Oin dropping him when he was born. Gimli and Oin never hear the end of it. Legolas on the other hand – once Gimli’s family get over their hatred of elves and remember their love of embarassing family members with stories of their infant days, on the other hand – is *thrilled* to hear such wonderful stories about his beloved.
*slyly* “Meleth-nin, do you suppose we might re-establish this old habit of yours?”
*mortified Dwarf noises*
(and so, Legolas was assuaged for this heheheheh)
I was in the mood for some nsfw Gigolas shenanigans but there was little to be found! Solution: draw my own.
Bilbo : “You stubborn old dwarf ! You should put on a nightgown or you get a cold. You’re not as young as you used to be.
Thorin “No it´ s summer. I dont need one”
Bilbo “good, fine. Do want you want.”
“Time to face the music, nadad,” Frerin whispered
with a smirk, and Thorin shot him a sour look. Then he sighed and stepped
forward, holding out his arms.“Here I am, take your best shot,” he said in
resignation.Dáin let out a massive gust of breath, as though he had been
waiting for centuries to let it go. Then he took three great strides towards
Thorin and caught him up in a giant bear-hug that knocked all the breath out of
him.Thorin froze for a moment, surprised beyond speech. Then he
wrapped his own arms around Dáin’s shoulders and pulled him in tight.
“Thank you,” he said into the closest ear. “Thank you, Dáin.
Thank you for caring for them, for rebuilding Erebor, for her greatness and
splendour and beauty, for all your sacrifice…”“Don’t thank me yet,” Dáin grunted, still
embracing Thorin as though he never intended to let go. Thorin, wordless,
gripped his cousin close and hoped that Dáin could hear all that he could not
find the words to say. Ironfoot the Restorer, you did what I could not. And you
suffered it for my sake. Your endless silent homesickness, your humour, your
wisdom, ah – I can never repay…(Aka that one chapter we all cried at, letsbereal. For @determamfidd. Thank you for leaving Dain nude, seriously. It made my night.)
AHHHHH
THEIR FACES, I CAN HEAR THORIN SAYING ‘ULFFFF-!” AS ALL THE AIR IS KNOCKED OUT OF HIM – AND AWWW DAIN DWARFBUTTS AND holy shit I wanna Dain, lookit those beefy thighs gdi
POP YOU MARVEL – THANK YOU SO SO SO SO MUCH! I LOVE IT!
Aw Yiss 