Well, I haven’t been everywhere, but I can talk with authority about a few places I guess? Oz is a big place!

Sydney is the biggest city, and it’s also the most expensive. I lived there for a few years, and although I enjoyed it, it is very fast-paced compared to the rest of the country. If you’re after a more laid-back Aussie experience, I wouldn’t recommend Sydney. 

However, it is AWESOME for things like: theatre, music, pubs (try the Lord Nelson in the Rocks, or any of the new bars in Enmore or Newtown – they are p fab), and FOOD (Marrickville!!!!! GO EAT IN MARRICKVILLE). The eastern suburbs are expensive and posh, and the North Shore can be too (v. leafy). I liked doing the walks around Cremorne. 

(Don’t go to the Shire: it’s boring and racist. I know I know I know, waste of a name!)

Transport is okay in Sydney. Trains are plentiful and regular! Buses too. But the system isn’t always the easiest to navigate.

Beaches around Sydney are okay, but if you want good beaches that aren’t expensive to eat near, aren’t crowded, and you can get a park? Go to Newcastle.

Must see: DO THE BRIDGE CLIMB, it is actually freakin awesome. See a show at the opera house. Go to Belvoir St and see a show (I have seen Geoffrey Rush and Hugo Weaving perform here!). Eat in Chinatown, go to Darling Harbour and see the schlockiness of it all! Check out the Blue Mountains (eat a Ploughman’s lunch, buy chocolate!). Check out The Rocks, read the plaques that tell the history of it, (read Leviathan as you go – amazing book about Sydney). Take a boat out to the heads, or visit Cockatoo Island. Catch the ferry to Manly and have a swim. Go to Taronga Zoo. Go to the Gallery of Modern Art in Circular Quay and meander around for a while – better yet, check out the Art Gallery trail, and finish with dinner in Woolloomoolloo. 

If you do go to Newcastle? DO A WINE TOUR. The Hunter Valley is absolutely beautiful, and it produces some absolutely spectacular wine. (I got married there!)

Melbourne is nearly as pricey as Sydney, but tends to move at a slower pace. I LOVE Melbourne, but the weather gives me the screaming irrits. If you don’t like the weather in Melbourne, they say – wait a moment. Check out the Laneways, and sit and read a book, have a glass of wine. Go to the Vic Arts center, check out the costumes, see a show. Check out Southgate, catch a river cruise, eat in Brunswick, go to St Kilda and spend a day at Luna Park being silly. Go to the Botanic Gardens. Melbourne is EASILY the best city for public transport. Catch the trams and explore!

If you’re there for a while, catch a trip down south to see the fairy penguin parade at dusk. The viewing platforms are set up so that humans make little to no impact on the penguins, and the support helps fund their protection. If you have the time, go for a drive along the Great Ocean Road and see the Twelve Apostles.

I live in south-eastern Queensland now, and I love it. There are big schlocky touristy areas, but beyond them are some beautiful things. Check out Mount Tambourine and Mount Warning, go to Currumbin and chill and meet some native animals at the wildlife park, check out northern NSW – Lismore, Byron Bay, etc. 

Go to a Sunday market for your produce! SO much better than a supermarket. They’re everywhere!

The southern gold coast is GORGEOUS. Swim there. Mermaid Waters, Burleigh Head, Palm Beach. (Avoid Surfers Paradise and Broadbeach – tourist traps, hella expensive.)

Brisbane: the best city for walking and cycling. Check out the West End, do the massive loop-walk around the city, over all the bridges. Have a look at QPAC and see all the amazing historical theatre costumes, catch a rivercat, see the beautiful Arts Precinct. Eat in Southbank, and marvel at the ridiculousness of an artificial beach built right next to a river! The seafood in Queensland is INCREDIBLE. If, like me, you like your seafood? EAT IT HERE.

Canberra is boring, don’t go to Canberra unless you like politicians and roundabouts.

Get out west, at least once. See Sheep country and the Wheat belt. Have a look at the inland cities like Bathurst and Muswellbrook. Boggle at the sheer size of this bloody place. Have a beer in a roadside pub with tiles on its walls and a wrought-iron verandah. The dirt really is red. 

I’ve been to the Snow! Stayed in Perisher a few years ago. Yes, in Australia there is only one area, and it is known as ‘The Snow.’ There is no other. I liked Blue Cow. I am also a shit but stubborn skier. Heh. 

I haven’t been to Tassie since I was tiny! But I have good memories. Go for a forest walk – the trees in Tasmania are beautiful. There isn’t another scent like a Huon Pine in the whole world. Apples, apples everywhere! FORESTS. Also: gardens!

I’m not that familiar with any of the other capital cities, but I can tell you what I have on my wishlist:

WESTERN AUSTRALIA. Heck, everything. I want to go to WA so badly, see the wave rock, stay in Broome (OH MY GOD THIS PLACE) and eat pearl meat and bush food. Go to the Kimberley, go to Margaret River, find out what the big deal is about Freo. Get to the Red Centre, go to Alice and see the Rock and the Devil’s Marbles 

SEE KAKADU HOLY SHIT I WANNA GO TO KAKADU SO BADLY. 

I have never seen the Great Barrier Reef. I am desperate to go (before our bloody government ruins it entirely). We’re planning to go for our next holiday, when the Dwarfling is a bit older. I want to get up to Cairns and do that. Also – the Daintree National Park. Rainforests, can I get a hellyah (THE NAME IS COINCIDENTAL I SWEAR).

I would LOVE to see the Torres Strait Islands. 

I haven’t ever been to Opal country, and I would love to. I want to see Lightning Ridge and the underground houses in Coober Pedy. Never been to Adelaide. I’d love to go and see the wine country around Barossa.

There is so much more, seriously. This place is freakin massive, and there’s something everywhere you go. 

Hints: nobody drinks Fosters, that’s a lie for overseas people: most people drink Tooheys New or Victoria Bitter (known as ‘New’ or ‘VB’ respectively). Or Coopers. They’re called ‘prawns’ not shrimp. ‘Servo’ means petrol station. Most capital cities have a nightride service on buses, but it is sporadic. Cabs are expensive LIKE WHOA, just don’t. We don’t actually say ‘mate’ or ‘g’day’ much. “Yeah, nah” means no. “Bogans” = hicks, rednecks. Our money is very colourful. The $2 coin is smaller than the $1. Thongs = flipflops (also, buy some, you’ll need em). 

That’s all I can think of right now! bubbysbub, thudworm, you got any more?