Fake it ‘til you make it is honestly some of the best advice I’ve ever been given in terms of mental illness.
It’s one thing to feel in your bones that you’re an absolute failure that doesn’t deserve life or love and acting like it, and a whole different thing to not.
For one, telling yourself one morning “I’m gonna pretend to be happy today” or “I’m gonna pretend to be proud of myself today” will almost always end with you having a pretty decent day. (Doesn’t last longer than a day, believe you me, and one small bad thing can shatter that illusion like a cement block through glass)
Second, it starts to trick your brain into thinking certain ways. Usually. Just like you can keep telling yourself you don’t matter until you believe it, you can keep telling yourself you matter until you believe it.
And if you don’t? If you honest to god think you don’t matter, that your life and what you do has no meaning in this world, well, what’s the harm in acting like it does to others? Best case, you convince them that you’re some self-confident godbeing. Worst case (but also funniest case), you convince them to despise you for being so proud of yourself, never knowing that you in fact can’t stand yourself as much as they do.
Fake it til you make it, dudes. Be a hotshot in your own head if you gotta. Reblog your stuff ten billion times and scream like a little kid when the smallest of good things happen. Makes the black dog in your head cower and back off. Be confident even if you don’t believe it.
Honestly this is the best advice ever. About a year ago, I decided to just fake self confidence really really hard, and the results? People started to assume I was more confident and outgoing (in particular my boss but also my parents), things became easier to do because fake-confident-me wouldn’t have a hard time doing anything. It doesn’t work all the time, but seriously this helps.
In particular, I hated how I looked. I despised my appearance, I’d never take a selfie, I’d avoid mirrors, wear a full face of makeup every day, wear boring clothes that would fade into the background, which of course all came back to thinking I wasn’t worthwhile. Fake-confident-me wouldn’t have any of that. Sure, I still do some of those things, like wear makeup all the time, and there are still moments where I can’t stand my body. But man oh man, fake-confident-me has made being real-me a hell of a lot easier.
I’ve met people that I last saw years ago and often times I’ll get comments like ‘you’re so different’ or ‘you look so much better’ and I will always tell them to fake it tell they make it. Fake it guys. Fake it so goddamn hard that it slowly becomes real
…I can only pick one? Well, as an aside, I have a lot of favorite people in the world, mostly because I am full of love (along with the salt) and latch onto others far too quickly.
4. When you are feeling down, what always cheers you up no matter what?
antidepressants
Pfft hahaha, I’m only kinda kidding. Hm. I’d have to go with… those Disney face swaps, especially this one:
5. Describe one of the best days of your life.
When I was in third grade, my mother had been saving up money for a few years to do a big end-of-the-school-year trip. She proceeded to show up on the last day of school in the back of a limo, let me and a bunch of my other little friends sit in the back and go around the big loop of the parking lot a few times, and then she took me to Universal Studios for the weekend.
I get my habit of grandiose displays of affection from her.
8. What is the superior breakfast food choice and why?
Waffles and hashbrowns, because waffles have holes you can put your syrup in, and I think hashbrowns with syrup are fucking ambrosia.
Basically, syrup.
(Although I’d never say no to hard-boiled eggs.)
*blows you a kiss whilst dancing like Sy Snootles*
So back in 2014, John Boyega was in a movie called Imperial Dreams.
This is inspired from a scene in that. Basically, the moment I saw it all I could think was “Time traveling Finn finds kid!Rey on Jakku” and that’s when my heart broke and I had to draw it.
*sniffles* I’d read the hell out of an AU like that…
OH CRIPES ANON hey so don’t bother with things like that, don’t ‘cheat the system’ (sorta? is that a thing?) so that it’s not a reflection of the number of folks who thought it was worth reading. I don’t think that it would be very fair!
Thank you for your awesome enthusiasm regardless, you’re super sweet!
seriously, it went like this: Pop said HOLY SHIT OMG SANSUKH’S SO CLOSE TO 9K KUDOS yesterday and I said FUCK I KNOW AHHHHH and then I said (in a moment of sheer madness) that i would totally do a dance to Iron Hills for Me if it ever really hit 10K.
(and they said that those national character dance exams would never come in handy *mad laughter* the fools!!)
so don’t bother doing anything different, just pass the word out if you’d like. And if it ever really does get up to that amount of kudos, then I shall do my thing!
I finally decided to dig into my drafts for this one Hobbit fic (A WIP THANK YOU VERY MUCH) I was writing about a year or so ago called Of Iron.
Summary: Pretty much just the events of the Hobbit trilogy with the big AU element being that Dáin Ironfoot joined Thorin’s Company.
(I do so love my bearded redheads.)
I was worried the drafts were shit, and even MORE worried that time would show me exactly *how* shitty (which is really all me, considering people drew me art for the chapters I actually posted and you don’t get art with shitty writing. I just have zero self-confidence in anything I do, peeps) but… honestly?
They aren’t that bad.
Some of the sections are actually pretty damn good. Personal favorite of mine? Ahem:
Bilbo placed a hand over his mouth. “That’s horrible,” he whispered.
Dáin shrugged. “That’s war.”
That’s actually really good?!?!? I got chills down my spine from my own writing??? Fuck. Kudos to you, past me.
And then this fucking Ori angst like?????
Ori pulled his sleeve under his nose.
“Dori thinks I don’t know. Nori assumes I figured it out after I got tha’ job re-inking the family tree tomes, but I’ve known much longer than that.” His eyes narrowed for a moment, and his usual soft way of speaking took on a much rougher tone. “Mum told me afore she passed. My Da was a bad man. A very bad man. Horrible to them all, especially to Dori. I mind my nadad as much as I do because of what *my* Da did t’him. I want t’make things right, but I worry I’ll turn out just like my Da anyway .What if already have? What if all that bad is in my blood an’ there’s nothing I can do t’change it?”
He sniffed again.
“An’ yet Dori an’ Nori both love me. I know they do, but…What if I’m dangerous for them? For Bifur?” Ori looked down at his hands, callused and long-fingered; an artist’s hands. “Once I get my share of the treasure, I’m leaving. I’ll head South. It’s better tha’ way.”
BLESS. Dudes, and the amount of Dori and Nori snark? My LAWD:
Nori shook his head, sliding his dagger into the padlock and prying it open. “Dori son of Ari, breaking the rules? If Mum could see you now.”
He smiled broadly when the lock clicked open.
Dori huffed indignantly, but he had a similar grin pulling at his lips just the same.
“Breaking the rules *with permission*, nadadith. With permission.”
And certainly not last nor least, this entire fucking scene (Tsundere Thorin, Argumentative Lil Shut Bilbo, and Good Guy Nori. Plus one-legged Dáin enjoying the show):
Thorin crossed his arms before Bilbo.
“What were you thinking? You could have been hurt!”
Bilbo flushed as bright a crimson as his waistcoat, and pulled fretfully at his wristcuffs.
“I didn’t realize you, uhm, cared so much for me.”
Thorin’s scowl deepened. “You are our Burglar. I am obligated to care, although that is becoming increasingly difficult. Not only did you put yourself in danger, but my own cousin as well.” Thorin shook his head, muttering angrily. “Twas a foolish move by an impracticed thief that nearly cost the life of one I hold close to my heart–”
“Ach, lay off the poor lad, Thorin!” Dain sat up with a grunt, and Thorin was kneeling beside him on one side in seconds, with Bilbo on the other.
“Dáin! Cousin, are you hurt?”
“‘Course I’m hurt, ya over-the-top worry wart!” growled Dáin. “But it’s you assumin’ that one little tiff with a trio of Trolls would be the end of Dáin Ironfoot that truly cuts me to the marrow.”
Thorin let out a strangled gust of a laugh.
“It is rather rude of me, isn’t it?”
With one hand, he pulled Dáin to his feet. Well, one of them at least. The other was currently being tugged out of the firepit by Thorin’s nephews, the metal molten-red from the dying embers.
Once Dáin was properly perpendicular, Thorin rounded on the hobbit once more.
“You have proven nothing but a nuisance thus far, Burglar.”
Bilbo’s lips tightened around his teeth, and less of the nervous first-time adventurer and more of the obstinate, cultured hobbit began to bubble up.
“With all due respect, Master Dwarf, we’ve hardly been out here a fornight. You were the one that camped us next door to those brutes!”
Thorin’s eyes widened, and beneath his long hair and ear clasps, Dáin could see his ears beginning to redden.
“They would not have known we were here if not for your curious gallavanting.”
Bilbo threw his hands in the air. “They stole our ponies. To *eat*. What else was I supposed to do? Let them?”
“You should have alerted the rest of the Company.”
“Right, because you all did such an impeccable job coming to the rescue. Was the part where you were tied into bundles part of the plan? Hm? And you call me useless.”
Thorin opened his mouth, shut it, then opened it again, only to shut it again with a grunt. Dáin had rarely seen his cousin reduced to such speechlessness.
It was incredibly entertaining.
Thorin finally found his voice again, and in a huff, ground out, “I will *not* tolerate such disrespect. You–”
“Eh, m’king? M’lord?”
Thorin and Dáin echoed each other almost comically quick in answer to Nori’s surprisingly unsarcastic questions as the star-haired dwarf ambled up to them
“Just Thorin, please.”
“*It’s Dain*”
“Right, “Nori clasped his hands behind his back and rocked on the balls of his feet, clearly uncomfortable. "See, the thing is. Well.” Nori squeezed his eyes shut as if it physically pained him to say the next words. “I’ve been listenin’ an’ before you go on, I just want to say that it weren’t the fault of the Halfling.”
Bilbo’s bravado disapated like morning mist, “Nori…” he began.
Thorin’s eyebrows rose slightly, “Go on.”
Nori cleared his throat. “It was mine. He’s as quiet as a mouse he is, an’ while I pride myself on being an impeccable thief–”
“Get to the point,” Thorin sighed, his anger fading but not quite forgotten. “Please, Nori.”
Dáin noted that Nori flapped his hands in a way remarkably similar to Ori when he was flustered.
“Sorry! S’just hard to admit that I was beaten out by an obvious greenhorn. But… that’s exactly what happened.” Nori puffed out his chest, as if daring Thorin to argue. “ Them trolls heard *my* boots, but Bilbo was closer and they saw him first. So if there’s anyone who you should be blamin’ and kickin’ out of the group, it’s *me*.”
Pack first, read later? I won’t pressure you. I hate when people press me to read things – it makes me want to read the thing *less*, but I promise that this Sansûkh update is worth it.
THRANDUIL FEELS, RICKY. Not to mention some truly amazing dialogue between Gimizh and Wee Thorin.
*dumbaxe*
AND THAT’S ONLY THE FIRST SECTION.
Plus, Dets was worried that it was bad. She was actually worried that her writing was rusty. *Her* writing! We as fans gotta prove her wrong. It’s the least that we can do.
Sansûkh is gonna be done by chapter 50 (probably) this is the last chances any of us will have to see updates for it.
Pardon me for waxing poetic, but I’ve followed this fic for years (you have too I think?) I honestly adore it, and what’s more I adore Dets. She’s done good by me – she’s nice, and there are so many people that let popular fics inflate their heads that it’s like a breath of fresh air to be around her.
Goddamn OC goals too, man, cmon.
Anyways, I caught a nice stomach bug at the office so maybe this post is sillier than I think, but the update is worth it. Spread some lurv. Show Dets we’re glad she’s back, you know?
And if anyone ever thinks her writing is bad (even her *smacks that feeling*), then I’m a narwhal.
IMMA CRY HERE
OH POP ILU
SO VERY MUCH
*crawls over and clutches your legs, blubbering the whole time* AHHH TY
It’s never too late to ask me about my writing, dude.
(Besides, I always tag those ask games in the vain hope that people will randomly send stuff anyways, so no worries!)
18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?
In the realm of fanfics… while I wouldn’t say my writing style has been influenced by her (I doubt I could ever write that well) Sansukh by @determamfidd has been a huge inspiration in terms of incorporating believable OCs, as well as representation of a huge variety, from nonbinary characters to neuroatypical characters to mental illness to trans characters, and so on.
It also really shows the power of researching into what you’re writing, and how much that can pay off. It’s because of that fic that I almost always include my notes at the end of my newer fics, since that layout always pleased me.
But, again, I don’t think it influenced my writing style. More how one should behave as a fanfic author, the merits of being open to sharing your verse with others, and that research is the make or break point between an okay fanfic and an amazing fanfic.
(Well that just turned into a gush sesh. If you see this anytime soon, Dets, I’M SORRY FOR MY EMBARRASSING DISPLAY, GIRL.)
(Honestly, all of her works are great. 15/10 would recommend. I discovered her through her Irreconcilable Differences (Avengers) fic myself, but her Tolkien stuff is really where she really shines. Currently, that is. She’s one of those writers who will make a gem in any fandom they write for… I’m sure one day I or maybe others will successfully bully her into writing something for Star Wars. Friendly bullying. Not harsh, just niggling.)
(I’m rambling now time to stop.)
19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?
I keep notes, I have a draft in google docs that holds most of my notes, along with the first version of any given writing project. Pulsion’s note draft is my longest one on there, at 51 pages currently, while my Go Away Closer draft (on Word) is my longest running one overall at 215. I really gotta publish the rest of that fucking thing before Nano starts up again…
oh. Oh, Pop.
ilu, sweetness. Thank you. *crash-tackles you in a hug*
(you can indeed successfully bully me into writing SW one of these days, most likely… i gotta learn more about the ‘verse, sure. But if it ain’t yet on the table per se, IT IS DEFINITELY IN THE KITCHEN)
Trust the Force, Always by @jaegervega (which may not be tagged h/c. It’s much more h/C, anyway, but damn did it make me fall into love with this rarepair. So I’m gonna rec it.)
K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?
Hmmm… that I’ve implemented, or that I’ve just mulled over? I’d say Frisson is pretty angst-riddled, since the idea of Obi-Wan having to live with a Sithly Qui-Gon is in many ways even worse than a dead (lmao I almost typed dad) Qui-Gon. But, I didn’t really come up with the Sith Qui-Gon idea, now did I?
There’s also another aspect of Frisson that is gonna be so angsty people are going to HATE ME. I’ll give you a hint: it involves Mortis fuckery and Qui-Gon. Smh, you guys are gonna hate me. I hate me for it.
R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?
I’ve always really loved the works of Ursula K LeGuin and Jack Vance. You know, heavy SF and fantasy stuff.
Tolkien, for sheer amount of world-building.
Patricia McKillip! Love love love her stuff. Just like the way she words.
Khaled Hosseini is another one. That man is a poet, if you haven’t read one of his books, pick one up. If I could ever word the way he does, I would be set. (Not to mention, he wrote his first book during breaks while he was working full time AND going to school. If that doesn’t deserve respect, I don’t know what does.)
I also really loved the Lemony Snicket books, The Series of Unfortunate Events, mostly for the dynamic narrator as well as always following a strict (yet always fresh) line of narrative. Also, how bleak it could be while still making me feel hopeful after each book. That takes skill.
And as for fanfic writers… There are so many I’ve been influenced by, in many different ways, but I’m just gonna list a couple (and hope I’m not to cringey in my praise)
@determamfidd is definitely an influence 1) in how to be graceful with sharing your au and 2) how to just be a fantastic writer in general. I love the way she words, how her little bits of world building build up and up until you could swear you thought it was part of the Tolkien mythos or something.
(And that’s just her Tolkien stuff, man. Her Avengers stuff does the same thing, if on a less grand scale, you get me?)
Also, adding in self-written songs to her fanfic. I’d never seen that done before in a fic! What a great idea, and she does it so well (I still listen to The Iron Hills For Me on occassion, and THAT NEW SONG. THAT NEW SONG PEOPLE. ASK HER TO SHARE IT WITH YOU, BECAUSE SHE WILL.)
@deadcatwithaflamethrower is another one. She’s taught me the value in sticking with something (I mean cmon, Re-Entry could almost be in middle school now! That dedication to an AU is amazing, and unlike a lot of other things that go on for over a decade, it just gets better with time. When are we gonna get a Star Wars spin off movie for it? Or, better yet, a TV show. Please.)’
And that’s just one AU! She’s seriously just dripping with them, and the dedication, time and skill obvious in each one is ahhh. I gotta catch up, man.
The sheer amount of detail she includes is enough to teach you more than a normal textbook, and her OCs blend in so well that you’ll hardly realize that they *are* OCs.
theaesthetic over on AO3 is another one. That’s another example of how they word just makes me wanna fling myself into the sun in joy. I’d recommend all of their works in a heartbeat.
And many more that I won’t list, or this post would be a mile long.
S:Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?
Sharing a bed. Snuggling for warmth. SITH AU. (would that count as a trope? Maybe for Star Wars, I guess.) Bad guy loves the hero, or whatever you would call that. ANGST. Etc etc.
POP I ADORE YOU, I ADORE YOU FOREVER AND WHOLEHEARTEDLY, YOU BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL SOUL
ALSO I HAVE MELTED INTO THE GROUND, I AM A SMALL PUDDLE THAT SQUEAKS IN AWE
IT APPEARS THAT MY BLUSH FINALLY REACHED MAXIMUM BURNINATING
Aw Yiss 