Tag: sexuality

any thoughts on elf sexuality?

one-go-alone:

cptsdcarlosdevil:

ONLY ALL OF THEM

The interested reader should consult What Tolkien Officially Said About Elf Sex, the most extensive guide to elf sexuality I’m aware of. Also, be aware that I haven’t read Silm and anything in here contradicted by Silm is a result of ignorance.

The bits I find interesting are that (1) elf marriage is defined as being sex— the party is considered a good idea, but strictly optional, (2) elves don’t commit adultery and (3) elves can apparently tell from the way someone moves whether they’re wed or unwed. Now, this may just be that elves are Good Catholics, but are you kidding, there is an opportunity for my favorite tropes. I propose: elf hypermonogamy!

(I actually totally thought elf hypermonogamy was canon until I was researching my answer for this ask. GODDAMMIT TOLKIEN.)

Elves are universally demisexual: they literally do not experience sexual attraction to people they aren’t in romantic love with. Elves are only capable of being in love with one person at once. It takes them a long time to get over love; it’s quite common for a rejected elf to never fall in love again, and most of those who do go centuries before they do.

So, how does that affect my favorite ships?

I feel like Legolas/Gimli is super-more-awesome if Legolas was literally never sexually attracted to anyone before Gimli and has no idea what this emotion is. So he is all like OH GOD THIS DWARF IS SO ANNOYING 😡 😡 😡 I JUST WANT TO THINK ABOUT HIM ALL THE TIME. BECAUSE HE’S ANNOYING. I WONDER WHAT HIS HAIR FEELS LIKE. And eventually this gets to the point where even Mr. They’re Taking The Hobbits To Isengard starts wondering if something’s up.

and then at Lothlorien he seeks the advice of Galadriel and Galadriel is like “Legolas, you’re in love” and Legolas is like “???!???!!!!!!”

and Galadriel thinks to herself “JESUS CHRIST, Legolas, Luthien and Arwen are one thing, human boys are sort of cute, but DID YOU REALLY JUST FALL FOR, OF ALL PEOPLE, A FUCKING DWARF”

(and then Gimli does the hair thing and she’s like “well, at least he has good taste”)

and then Legolas ends up having sex with Gimli. Now, dwarves totally have a culture of warrior homosexuality. (Also: everything homosexuality????) So Gimli is all like “ah, yes, manly men blowing off some steam in a manly way after battle, this surely does not mean Feelings” and Legolas is like “:( 😦 😦 I will go stare at a river and write love poetry in Quenya more beautiful than the hearts of Men can bear” but he totally doesn’t let Gimli know because he doesn’t want to Pressure Gimli Into A Relationship and also because he will Take What He Can Get

and then at some point Aragorn is sadly singing to himself about Luthien as is his third-favorite hobby (behind beard growth and still not being king) and Gimli is like “why the hell would she give up her immortality anyway, dude, it’s fucking immortality? why can’t she marry an elf instead” and with one thing and another Aragorn ended up telling him about the Elvish Facts of Life

and then Gimli storms up to Legolas and is like YOU KNOW USUALLY I LIKE TO BE INFORMED WHEN I’M MARRIED TO PEOPLE

and Legolas is like “…I’m… married to you but you’re not married to me?”

and Gimli is like I DON’T KNOW WHAT NANCY SHIT YOU PONCY MOTHERFUCKERS GET UP TO BUT AMONG DWARVES MARRIAGE IS USUALLY CONSIDERED A TRANSITIVE PROPERTY

and Legolas was like “I am sorry, I understand if you will never speak to me again” and he is mentally drafting, like, the world’s saddest poem, like, it will win the Saddest Poem contest Elrond holds every year

and Gimli is like YOU FUCKING MORON OF COURSE I WANT TO BE MARRIED TO YOU HOW ELSE CAN I GET TO SHOW YOU ALL THE PRETTY CAVES

and Legolas is like “oh. Oh!”

and then he ends up smuggling his boyfriend into Valinor, I assume by just sort of shoving him into the luggage. “Dwarf? What dwarf? I don’t have a dwarf. What, no, my bag isn’t wriggling, you’re seeing things. Gosh, there are weird sounds on the sea, that one sounded almost like the word ‘fuck’.”

also I feel like this whole thing makes Elrond and Arwen infinitely more amusing

Elrond: NO YOU ARE NOT GOING TO MARRY ARAGORN
Arwen: GRANDMA DID
Elrond: AND LOOK WHERE THAT GOT HER
Arwen: I DON’T CARE I LOVE HIM
Elrond: THERE ARE LOTS OF NICE BOYS IN VALINOR, I’M SURE YOU’LL FIND SOMEONE ELSE
Arwen: NO I WON’T
Elrond: …fuck. You’re right.
Arwen: (looks smug)
Elrond: you know Elros really had the right idea, immortality is awesome but at least HUMANS HAVE THE CONCEPT OF SERIAL MONOGAMY

This is full of win and awesome, and I would also like to point out that if this appeals to you and you aren’t reading @determamfidd‘s Sansûkh, then do yourself a favor and go read it. Right now. Seriously. Drop everything else.

*blushy blushy* ahhh thank you so very much! You are super kind!

IS YOUR URL A ‘THE DARK IS RISING’ REFERENCE BC HOLY SHIT I LOVED THOSE BOOKS

i love sansukh for like three dozen different reasons but the one that’s on my mind rn is that the representation is SO. GOOD. like that one’s trans and that one’s agender and that one’s ace and these ones are gay and those ones are lesbian and look at all these awesome female characters and why the hell not let’s make narvi a woman too. more authors need to learn from that.

Ahhh thank you!! *hugs* You are so kind! It is very important to me to keep learning and trying. Tbh, when I began the fic (OVER TWO YEARS AGO, wtf), I hadn’t even dreamed of the eventual diversity I have in it now! It has definitely built over time, as I have learned and grown alongside the story. I didn’t set out that way initially, but I got better 🙂

(Nowadays my attitude can be summed up as: “Yes, more please. More and more and more. Different neurotypes and sexualities and genders and POC: build it richer, build it realer, build it deeper and fuller and more vibrant. Fill up the blank spaces of Middle-Earth with wonderful multiplicity, and if any tiny little bigot cries ‘historical accuracy’, remind them that Elrond’s daddy is a star.”)

Absolutely I stuff up now and then (as humans are prone to do!), but I hope to always keep learning and trying and growing. Because other humans deserve that from me. 

(btw – I find it amazingly hard to imagine Narvi as anything other than a POC Dwarrowdam now!)

The Definition of Bisexuality (According to Bi Organizations, Activists, and the Community) – Tumblr Mobile Edition

bisexual-dragons:

Bisexual Organizations:

http://www.biresource.net/BRC_Brochure_2010.pdf (Bisexual Resource Center: USA)
“The BRC uses bisexual as an umbrella term for people who recognize and honor their potential for sexual and emotional attraction to more than one gender. We celebrate and affirm the diversity of identity and expression regardless of labels.”

http://bisexual.org/am-i-bi/ (American Institute of Bisexuality)
“A bi person has the capacity for romantic and/or sexual attraction to more than one gender.”

http://www.bisexualindex.org.uk/index.php/AmIBisexual (Bisexual Index: UK)
“This is how we define it: A bisexual is someone who is attracted to more than one gender. You might care about the gender of your partner a lot, a little, or not at all – but their gender doesn’t prevent you from being attracted to them.”

http://binetusa.blogspot.com/2014/03/binet-usa-bisexual-media-guide.html (BiNet USA)
“Bisexual – A person whose enduring physical, romantic and/or emotional attraction is to other people of various sexes and/or gender identities. Individuals may experience this attraction in differing ways and degrees over their lifetime.”

http://www.torontobinet.org/bi-culture.html (Toronto Bisexual Network)
“Bisexuality is the potential to feel attracted to and to engage in sexual and/or romantic relationships with people of any sex or gender.”

Activists:

http://robynochs.com/quotes/ (Robyn Ochs; Bisexual Activist)

“I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

Community on Tumblr:

http://bifacts.tumblr.com/faq

“Bisexuality is the attraction to two or more genders, not necessarily to the same extent, not necessarily in the same way, not necessarily at the same time.”

http://bi-privilege.tumblr.com/idingasbipolyorpan

“bisexuality is, broadly speaking, the attraction to two or more genders. bisexuality is not inherently or transphobic or exclusive of non binary genders—note that there are both binary and non-binary trans people who identify as bisexual. it is possible for bisexuals to be attracted to be attracted to anywhere from two to an infinite number of genders. many times, bisexuals will define their own sexuality as the attraction to both similar and different genders (which encompasses all genders). however, it is important to remember that bisexuals can be attracted to multiple genders without being attracted to people of their own gender. for example, an agender bi person may be attracted to women, bigender, and genderfluid people, or a bi woman might be attracted to men and agender people…..”

http://bi-privilege.tumblr.com/definitions

“bisexual: the (sexual) attraction to two or more genders. sometimes defined as the attraction to same + different genders; however, this is not true of all bisexuals.”

http://biphobic-bisexual.tumblr.com/faq

“bisexuality is the attraction to two or more genders”

http://bisexuality-is.tumblr.com/faq

“Bisexuals have been defining bisexuality as the attraction to two or more/same and other for decades. This isn’t some made-up tumblr joke. Words change meaning. Prefixes change meanings. We didn’t even give ourselves the term bisexual to begin with, doctors did.”

http://nonmono-perspective.tumblr.com/definitions

“bisexual- sexually attracted to your same/similar gender and other gender(s), OR sexually attracted to 2 or more genders. Some bisexuals feel that they experience different kinds or degrees of attraction to different genders/gender presentations.”

http://pinkpurplebluepride.tumblr.com/faq

“Bi: attracted to two or more genders. Some people will define it as “attracted to similar and different genders,” but this is slightly less inclusive than the above definition. I’m of the mind that “similar and different” evolved to satisfy bi=2 prescriptivists, but they are insatiable and forever gross.”

http://thesunnysideofbeingbi.tumblr.com/basics

“…being bi does not reinforce the gender binary. And some bi people are only attracted to men and women–and that’s ok! However, bi is not defined as the attraction to men and women, or two genders. It can be for an individual, but not for our entire community. That definition is not only false, but harmful. (This is not to imply that bi people can’t be transphobic!)

This also means that you don’t have to be sexually attracted to people to be bi. There are so many different kinds of attraction, and to just focus on bisexuality would be excluding a lot of people (e.g. being biromantic).”

http://bisexuwhale-pride.tumblr.com/faq

“What does bisexual mean?

Attraction to:

1. Two or more genders or

2. More than one gender.”

http://themeaningofbisexuality.tumblr.com/

“Bisexuality is the attraction to two or more genders”

http://soloontherocks.tumblr.com/post/104877455841/nothing-extraordinary-soloontherocks-got-it

“Bisexuality is not half gay and half straight. Bisexuality is not in between gay and straight. Bisexuality is not gay when dating the same gender and straight when dating a different gender. Bisexuality is not gay-ish or straight-ish.

Bisexuality is its own fully independent self-contained complete orientation.”

http://bifaq.tumblr.com/post/124565262825/i-dont-find-bi-means-2-to-be-offensive-and-im

http://julietburgess.tumblr.com/post/17986625411/bisexual-is-not-oppressive-can-we-talk-about

Other things worth the read about the definition of bisexuality:

Bisexual Manifesto from 1990:

http://binetusa.blogspot.com/2014/01/1990-bi-manifesto.html

“We are tired of being analyzed, defined and represented by people other than ourselves, or worse yet, not considered at all. We are frustrated by the imposed isolation and invisibility that comes from being told or expected to choose either a homosexual or heterosexual identity.

Monosexuality is a heterosexist dictate used to oppress homosexuals and to negate the validity of bisexuality.

Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have “two” sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders. Do not mistake our fluidity for confusion, irresponsibility, or an inability to commit. Do not equate promiscuity, infidelity, or unsafe sexual behavior with bisexuality. Those are human traits that cross all sexual orientations. Nothing should be assumed about anyone’s sexuality, including your own.

We are angered by those who refuse to accept our existence; our issues; our contributions; our alliances; our voice. It is time for the bisexual voice to be heard“

http://www.thisisbiscuit.co.uk/but-bi-means-two-and-others-reason-why-we-should-change-the-conversation/

https://somewhatofsomethingother.wordpress.com/2011/03/27/being-bisexual-means-that-youre-only-attracted-to-two-genders-bi-means-two-two-genders/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/aj-walkley/the-bad-b-word-a-need-for-bisexual-acceptance_b_1781589.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/aj-walkley/bisexual-gender-binary_b_2425081.html

”Defining bisexuality, just like defining any identity label, can be complicated and controversial. My definition of the label “bisexual” is informed by the work of The Bisexual Organizing Project. It includes people who use labels such as “bisexual,” “non-monosexual,” “persexual,” “omnisexual,” “ambisexual,” “pansexual,” “queer” or any other term that people use to identify themselves as individuals who are emotionally, romantically or physically attracted to people of more than one sex, gender or gender identity. I also recognize that not everyone chooses to adopt a label to describe their sexual orientation, and I also include non-labeling people who see themselves as part of a queer, non-monosexual or bisexual community under my definition of “bisexual.”“

Reasons why the prefix/etymology argument is not a very good one against “bi = attraction to 2 or more”

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etymological_fallacy

http://bisexual-dragons.tumblr.com/post/124749476996/i-love-doing-the-october-is-not-the-8th-month-of

http://bifaq.tumblr.com/post/124565262825/i-dont-find-bi-means-2-to-be-offensive-and-im

http://www.thisisbiscuit.co.uk/but-bi-means-two-and-others-reason-why-we-should-change-the-conversation/

https://somewhatofsomethingother.wordpress.com/2011/03/27/being-bisexual-means-that-youre-only-attracted-to-two-genders-bi-means-two-two-genders/

http://bi-privilege.tumblr.com/post/88492965880/but-bi-means-two-fun-fact-did-u-know-we

http://freelgbtqpia.tumblr.com/post/112776160876/how-couldnt-but-bi-means-two-doesnt-it-its-the

http://ideas.ted.com/20-words-that-once-meant-something-very-different/

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4847343

Oh my god, this is an amazing idea. Seriously, I wish that I had this when I was like 13-14. Its really hard to be a younger member of the LGBTQA community, because nothing is ever aimed at them. Seriously, you’re gonna help so many kids.

theasexualityblog:

biro-ace-of-hearts:

15belowlgbt-blog:

Ahh, thank you so much! I’m glad someone else thinks this too 🙂

I NEED TO PROMOTE THIS BLOG ASAP.

This blog is for people under the age of 15 years old who are questioning their sexuality or already identify as part of the lgbtq+ community. As someone who is ~barely~ above that age group, I really really wish I had had this when I was younger and going by simply “not 100% straight.”

Followers, if you are questioning or already identify and are under 15, I highly encourage you to check out this budding blog!

SIGNAL BOOST!!!!

To the bi/pan anon: usually (from what I’ve seen the most) pansexuality is described as an attraction to people, regardless of the gender. Aka “hot damn, what a person.” Bisexuality is an attraction to all genders, meaning the gender is still included in the “oh no they’re hot” reaction. As a bi person, I know I feel different kinds of sexual attraction for girls, boys and nbs. But of course, other bi or pan people may feel differently on the subject – it’s all very personal in the end. *shrugs*

Thanks, Nonnie! Bi/Pan anon – another definition and perspective for you *hugs*

Out of curiosity, how do you, personally, differentiate bisexuality and pansexuality? Like, I identify as pan b/c I like how it includes all genders. Which, I think you can totally be attracted to all genders if you’re bi, but I like how saying you’re pansexual starts up the conversation of, “Wait, there are more than two genders?? Cool!!” Well, and I identify more with it than with bisexuality, so, there is that. I’d love to hear any opinions you might have on the subject! :)

Hey Nonnie!

Welp, as you mentioned, this is a personal identification. And so others will not necessarily use this same definition.

I think of bisexuality as = attraction to same gender + other genders. And of pansexuality as attraction to all genders? I guess. there is overlap, obviously.

So, same gender, for me, is those who identify as women. But I can and have also been attracted in the past to those who identify as men, and those who are nonbinary, agender or genderfluid. It’s not an either/or thing for me.

I use the word ‘bisexual’ rather than ‘pansexual’ because that word has been a part of me for so long now. It really is very enmeshed with my identity – as me. All the bits of me that very much inform my sense of who I am: white, cis, female, Australian, musician, dork, bisexual.

I like that conversation myself!! I try to bring it up when I can. It’s a good one to have!

I have seen? An argument somewhere/somewhen that said something along the lines of ‘people identify as bisexual until they know better/have learned more, and then they know to call themselves pansexual’. That honestly may be the case for many, but not for me. I learned to understand myself a long time ago, I have made the word ‘bisexual’ part of me 15 years ago. I have been ‘bi’ for nearly half my life. So to dismiss the word I use to describe a massive part of my sense of self as ‘unlearned’ is a bit hurtful, tbh?

Aaaaanyway, there’s a bit of a rambly answer, Nonnie! I hope it helps you. Basically, I think the word you use will have its own meaning, interpretation and impact upon your identity and interactions – that’s why we choose them, I guess! Be it bisexuality or pansexuality, the choice to name that aspect of yourself is totally up to you and how you feel. Like they say: you’re the only expert on your feelings!

Sorry if it’s personal, but how did you come to figure out you were bisexual? I’ve been questioning my own sexuality a lot recently, and I’m curious how people can decide for sure.

It’s very much a personal thing, Nonnie – not that I’m unwilling to talk about it, but I mean that it is for each person to decide for themselves. Some people prefer the term ‘pansexual’, but I prefer ‘bisexual’ as it is the word I have used to describe myself for 15 years now, and is very much a part of my identity.

I was always aware that I looked at bodies in a very aesthetic sense – decidedly not in a sexual sense – through my years of dance tuition. That included all bodies, regardless of gender. 

I developed quite late – I was at least 16-17 when puberty finally decided to happen! And then I found that my aesthetic attraction had a rather romantic edge as well. Still no sexual attraction. 

It wasn’t until I was around 18 or so, living independently (and, in grand old Australian tradition, drunk as a skunk) that I finally discovered that there was a particular girl at a party that really boiled my potatoes, so to speak! That was a surprise to me. Following that, I had a few relationships with people of differing genders, and found that I was very compatible with all of them, physically speaking. I began to consider myself bisexual.

I met Mr Dets when I turned 20, and fell in love with him maybe three-four months into our relationship. It’s been 13 years now, and I still love and am tremendously attracted to him. I am of the monogamous variety of person, me.

So, there’s a little blurb on me, and how I learned about myself. Your own journey will be different, because you’re the only one who can see into your own desires and choose a word to describe them. I hope my journey is a help to you, Nonnie. Good luck in everything you do *hugs*

Here’s a thing

gundam-tanakas-yaoi-hands:

sweetheartpleasestay:

nicknamenyquil:

•If two bi girls date each other they are not lesbians. They’re bi.
•If two bi boys date each other they are not gay. They’re bi.
•If a bi boy dates a bi girl, they are not straight. They’re both bi.
• You can be trans and be bi.
• If you are single and not wanting to mingle, but you are bi, then you’re still fucking bi.

you can be attracted to more than cis men and cis women and be bi

you can be monogamous and be bi

you can be polyamorous and be bi

you can have a preference for certain genders and be bi

also: 

you can have attractions outside the gender binary and still be bi, not just ‘’liking both boys and girls’’.

Hey dets, just wondering really quick. Some dwarves at a pretty young age seem to have a good idea of which gender(s), if any, they are attracted to (I’m thinking of the young dwarrow that had a crush on Gimli at the beginning). If those dwarrows have a One, will their One be of the gender(s) they are attracted to? Or could it possibly be that all dwarves are pansexual/romantic, excluding dwarves like Dori, who are asexual/aromantic?

No predestined soul-mates, sorry! I couldn’t ignore the whole no-choices/no-free-will aspect of them. Dwarves fall in love ONCE, and that is why I refer to their love as a ‘One’ – no divinely intended partners here. If a Dwarf is in a position where they feel they have to walk away and perhaps find love elsewhere, they can.

Ahahahaha, darling little Alfur and his crush on Gimli. Alfur is as bi as they come, btw. He ends up married to a Dwarrowdam named Geri (hard G, btw, like ‘garden’ – not to be confused with Jeri!)

So the gender of the person the Dwarf is attracted to/falls in love with is an aspect of their sexuality, just as for anybody in our world. Some Dwarves know their sexuality early, some take more time to figure it out.