No offence to my australian peeps ( @ozhawkauthor, @determamfidd amongst others), but I still have no clue what Australia is doing in the Eurovision Song Contest (though, your candidate is not half bad, I’ve got to say.)
Like, you guys are on the other side of the world.
Seriously, I don’t get it.
@stereden mate, I don’t even know. We got invited one year, and we’ve never left. We’re like vampires in flip flops.
Still, it’s deeply, deeply satisfying to see an indigenous boy’s face plastered all over the biggest stage in Europe. Gotta say.
For various real life reasons, I am really depressed right now.
What is keeping me from just crawling back into bed and hiding from the world are fics, humans and aliens posts and @determamfidd and her commentary on all things Australia.
*HUGS STITCH HARD* I am so sorry things are so rough rn, Stitch. You are such a mithril-plated lil fuzzy alien sweetheart.
Here’s a solid gold bit of Australiana trivia – and it is both true and hysterical.
The entrepeneur, activist and philanthropist Dick Smith is a household name here in Oz. He sells Australia-made products, such as peanut butter and cereal and spreads, and used to own the largest electronics chain in the country. He has a real bee in his bonnet about Australia-made stuff – to the point that, when Kraft bought out Vegemite, he made his own version and called it Ozemite.
he looks like this:
This is the face of an epic pranker. Remember that.
And so, one April day, an iceberg floated into Sydney Harbour. He said he’d towed it from Antarctica. They christened it the ‘Dickenberg One’.
People began demanding to carve off bits of it, which they called ‘dicksicles.’ Dick claimed that they would improve the flavour of any drink, bc of the astounding purity.
(STICK A DICKSICLE IN YA DRINK, MAKE IT TASTE GOOD)
As the Dickenberg began to melt, it was revealed to be a sheet of white plastic over a mountain of foam and shaving cream. But not before every radio station had gone berserk with excitement over the iceberg in Sydney Harbour.
It rates as #12 of the most epic April Fool’s pranks of all time, apparently. Hope this made you smile, beautifullest Stitch.
my great uncle Bob is exactly what you’d expect from an australian farmer. he’s approximately 65 years old and he’s a cattle farmer on a station (a station is a fuck off huge ranch, basically, it’s a couple thousand acres) and he’s this beanpole of a man who looks like he’s spent his entire life outside because, well, he has. he also drives this ancient beat-up yellow ute which is more rust than car at this point and was made in approximately 1980. it’s old.
anyway he was driving to the far end of the station the other day and an emu ran out in front of his car and he hit it, only it didn’t die, it came flying through the windshield, still alive and mostly unharmed. so there’s my uncle and this emu which is now sitting in the front seat of his car and understandably the emu is pretty pissed off and the first thought that goes through Bob’s head is “oh shit it’s going to start kicking me” so he figures the best way to stop it doing that is to punch it in the face and that is the story of how my uncle got in a fistfight with an emu.
this is the most australian thing i’ve ever read. this is the essence of australia
Know the feeling – I just about howl with happiness every time I hear our accent on something that wasn’t produced in Oz, it’s so bloody rare. That’s so awesome of you to say, lkasjhdgflajh thank you!
idk what fanfic counts as, honestly. But hey, it’s all entertainment in the end, I guess 🙂
I will deffo keep it up, thank you so much again! *hugs*
‘the soccer mum from hell’ – LMAAAAAAAO oh my god, PERFECT.
Yeah, just read it on the Brisbane Times – it got the GBR, apparently. Because destroying people’s homes was apparently not enough for Debbie.
(I’m still trying to get over the idiots who went surfing during a cyclone, are they SERIOUS)
You too, Nonnie. Stay safe, stay dry, all the best to everyone out there watching the sky piss down on us. I’m off to pick up my Dwarfling from daycare now.
So, Australia just got pummelled by a category 4 cyclone, Cyclone Debbie. It’s been downgraded now, but it’s still at tropical storm status. The Whitsundays and parts of NE Queensland are pretty much matchsticks right now. Roofs torn off, no power, no water, the works. The army and emergency services were on standby, and they’re apparently on the move today, we’re told.
(to add insult to injury, it has also smashed parts of the Great Barrier Reef that had escaped coral bleaching. Thanks a fuckin bundle, Debbie.)
Ugh, yes, @determamfidd we’re DROWNING (not literally, not yet. Standing at the window watching the creek carefully, though, EEEEP). Hubs is trying to convince higher ups to let him shut down work for the day and send everyone home before the region floods (they’re in fucking Indooroopilly– which literally means ‘gully of running water’, because our stupid white settler ancestors were fucking morons), but the higher ups are in Perth, and are sort of ‘eh?’, so he’s got to stay. AAAAARGGGH!
Least I didn’t have to try and get the kids to school, hahaha.
Fucking Debbie.
(@determamfidd@morvidra we have already had one power outage (southside bris), and lights are flickering, and Mackay and northern areas have had power out all morning. Get prepped, darlin’s.)
damn, @bubbysbub – hope your hubby’s boss lets them go before lunchtime, when the front is meant to hit. The roads are already a mess out there.
OOOOH DAMN – i forgot you said you were right next to the creek!! Got my fingers and toes and eyes crossed for you. We’re watching the easement by the fence with worried eyes also. Backyard is already a bit of a lake.
(lmao – I missed the 7am news announcement about the schools, so I went trundling in to work as always! Only to turn right back around again. At least I got to get one of our awesome school cafeteria coffees from our coffee guru?)
No power outage here yet. Probably just a matter of time though.
So, Australia just got pummelled by a category 4 cyclone, Cyclone Debbie. It’s been downgraded now, but it’s still at tropical storm status. The Whitsundays and parts of NE Queensland are pretty much matchsticks right now. Roofs torn off, no power, no water, the works. The army and emergency services were on standby, and they’re apparently on the move today, we’re told.
(to add insult to injury, it has also smashed parts of the Great Barrier Reef that had escaped coral bleaching. Thanks a fuckin bundle, Debbie.)
Aw Yiss 