Tag: stuff to make laughs

Hi Dets, a little footnote on the Battle of Helm’s Deep: I once spoke to a guy who was really into archery, built his own bows, knew everything about history, won pro-contests. According to him Legolas’ bodycount is absolutely dismal.He said a skilled archer would’ve had a way higher count. He wouldn’t have had to search for spare arrows himself, either, he’d have had a page doing it for him. “Not sure if Tolkien didn’t know and made a mistake or if he knew it and was making a point,” he ended.

TRUE. legolas was possibly very very distracted?

he was probably still thinking: ‘holy shit, stout legs and hard axe, wtf self, did I really just say that, cripes could i be any more obvious and needy, shit shit shit, he knows, he knows, there’s no way he doesn’t know after that, stout legs and hard axe, lskjhdgfjhddadjkagfla, Legolas you gumnut, you total gumnut, Elbereth Gilthoniel I am so gone’

no Dets,Dets listen it’s not just that elves celebrate their conception instead of their birth they also celebrate the first time they have sex as their wedding day Elves are OBSESSED with celebrating every time they have sex! also if ‘would you like to have an Elvish wedding?’ isn’t a pick up line in middle earth the line of men is truly weak

omfg

now I’m imagining that every single time someone says, ‘okay, we might turn in for the night’ Legolas is all

And the next morning he’s all

Everyone thinks Gimli and Leggy’s relationship is in it’s honeymoon phase, everyone thinks that after a wile they’ll settle down and stop flirting all the time and kissing every 5 minutes but soon they’ll see they are dead WRONG they act like that FOREVER when Gimli is an old dwarf he STILL grabs leggy’s butt every chance he gets and Leggy still freaking talks everyone’s head off abut how hot Gimli is and how much he loves him AND they still make out all the dame time, in front of everyone.

shadowedkitten:

determamfidd:

i would read a zillion words about this

how Legolas sees the first grey hairs in Gimli’s mane, and Gimli thinks SHIT SHIT SHIT here comes the mortality-conversation AGAIN

but no

Legolas immediately has to jump his bones BC SILVER FOX GIMLI MAKES HIS ARROWS FLY STRAIGHT AND TRUE, iykwim

Gimli becoming as regal and dignified-looking as any of the Dwarf-kings of old, to the point where young dwarves are gasping HOLY COW and get all tongue-tied: his beard glittering, hair growing ever longer and twined in unfamiliar braids, wisdom and humour in his old eyes and nobility in his slow and heavy gait

and then he ruins the effect by pinching Legolas’ bum

THIS NEEDS TO BE A PROMPT FOR THE GIGOLAS 1000 FICS CHALLENGE 

JUST SAYING

#gimli w middle-age spread and LEGOLAS WAXING RHAPSODIC ABOUT IT   #gimli who spends every night learning Sindarin just so that he can write a song to Legolas’ eyes   #(and also to talk dirty in Elvish BC PRIORITIES)   #Legolas whose own incessant songs are no longer about the wind and the starlight lmao   #Gimli who drags them both into a ‘spare room’ at Eldarion’s wedding – only to discover that they’ve been getting it on   #in Eldarion’s OWN ROOM   #and he and his new spouse will be there ANY SECOND   #SHIT SHIT SHIT   #Aragorn who has passed through the fires of Total Doneness   #and is now impervious to everything that ever was and ever will be (via)

THESE TAGS ARE EVERYTHING TO ME

Emotional drunk Leggy who after too much ale is sitting by the bar alone,gazing into the distance,tears in his eyes. Aragorn approaches him and asks what’s wrong. Legolas wipes his eyes and proclaims ‘i simply can not express my admiration for Gimli’s beauty Aragorn! his hair is like fire that is cool in my hands,it is like touching tame fire Aragorn!!!’ he sobs and continues to talk abut how beautiful Gimli is and how he can hardly deal with such beauty. Aragorn should have known better by now.

Aragorn: *vaguely pats Legolas’ back*

Legolas: AND HIS HANDS, HOW CAN I EVER ENCOMPASS THE WONDER THAT ARE HIS HANDS, THEY CAN CREATE SUCH MARVELS AND YET THEY CAN UNMAKE ME IN MOMENTS

Aragorn: *wearily* yes, I know, they’re very nice

Legolas: HIS EYES, HIS EYES, THEY DANCE LIKE THE GLOW OF FIREFLIES UPON AMBER UPON WARM SUMMER EVENINGS

Aragorn: that’s… nice.

Legolas: HIS LIPS ARE SO SOFT *blubbers* THEY’RE SO SOFT ARAGORN 

Aragorn: That must be… nice.

Legolas: AND HIS ARSE, OH THAT POWERFUL ARSE, NO WONDER OF THIS WORLD CAN COMPARE TO ITS STRENGTH AND BEAUTY, IT FILLS MY PALMS LIKE-

Aragorn: *hurriedly signalling the barman to cut Legolas off* THAT’S NICE