Tag: stuff to make thinks

I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.

Meryl Streep (via

mishproductions

)

On point.

(via

michaelsonn

)

feferi:

there has been a pretty far-reaching trend on this website to blog about the effects of mental illness and trauma on emotional regulation and an aggressive campaign to get people to not only understand but accept boundary-crossing behavior from people because it is a reflection of their mental illness/trauma, as far as to imply that you are ableist if you are not able to tactfully handle and accept someone else’s dysfunctional coping mechanisms and behavior despite your own discomfort. i see this most often with posts about bpd but there are other topics as well. i haven’t commented on any of it because it’s not a pie i wanted a finger in, but it has over time led me to develop severe discomfort around people who follow that line of thought to the point that i have disengaged, unfollowed, and unfriended many people who agree with it.

the stuff i’m seeing passed around now about “supporting perpretrators” in addition to survivors is the horrifying track down which that train of thought has sped, because what people don’t seem to understand is that mental illness and trauma do no make you an exception to the boundaries of those around you. it is necessary to be aware of the ways that survivors and mentally ill people may lash out emotionally at those they are close to but it is not actually necessary to be “accepting” to the point that it is harmful to you. your emotional boundaries are important, more important than whatever obligation you feel to “accommodate” someone’s trauma.

it is not “okay” that survivors sometimes display manipulative/abusive behaviors towards the people around them and it is important to handle these situations with tact, sure, but not to the detriment of setting your own boundaries and checking the behaviors in question. when friends i know are mentally ill/ trauma survivors have lashed out at me with emotionally manipulation tactics in times of great distress, i have supported them afterward, but i have always followed this up with a discussion about how these kinds of behaviors can not and will not continue or our relationship will end. this is not “ableist” or refusing to support survivors’ trauma, it is setting strong boundaries within the context of supporting each other and providing the community in which we all can heal. what is important here is that these are isolated incidents – learned defense mechanisms arising in times of panic and stress – and not consistent grabs for power. these are not people following the deliberate, overarching pattern of actions abusers use to isolate and control victims, and their actions are easily distinguishable from such.

my point is that this discourse has allowed people to blur the line between these behaviors and abuse when it comes to community support. we should support abusers in our communities as well, they say, because otherwise we would be isolating vulnerable marginalized people who are just struggling with their own trauma. this is exactly what abusers want. this is not a radical attitude. abusers depicting themselves as helpless victims of emotions and circumstances out of their control has pretty much always been the abuser party line. there is nothing productive or useful or valid about carving out community resources for “accountability” in ways that perpetuate bad abuse politics and logics that have been used to silence survivors for years and years. you cannot support survivors and also support their abusers by continuing to welcome them in the same community spaces, period, and it takes some ridiculous mental gymnastics to pretend otherwise.

baggvinshield:

Hey just a reminder to everyone in fandom spaces (this applies to life in general but I feel like it sometimes gets muddied in fandom): you’re not obligated to interact with anyone who makes you uncomfortable. You’re NOT obligated to interact in any way with anyone who makes you uncomfortable for any reason. Unfollow, block, ignore – whatever you need to do to keep feeling safe and happy.

The Three Laws of Fandom

darthstitch:

notreadytosettle:

ozhawkauthor:

If you wish to take part in any fandom, you need to accept and respect these three laws.

If you aren’t able to do that, then you need to realise that your actions are making fandom unsafe for creators. That you are stifling creativity.

Like vaccination, fandom only works if everyone respects these rules. Creators need to be free to make their fanart, fanfics and all other content without fear of being harassed or concern-trolled for their creative choices, no matter whether you happen to like that content or not.

The First Law of Fandom

Don’t Like; Don’t Read (DL;DR)

It is up to you what you see online. It is not anyone else’s place to tell you what you should or should not consume in terms of content; it is not up to anyone else to police the internet so that you do not see things you do not like. At the same time, it is not up to YOU to police fandom to protect yourself or anyone else, real or hypothetical.

There are tools out there to help protect you if you have triggers or squicks. Learn to use them, and to take care of your own mental health. If you are consuming fan-made content and you find that you are disliking it – STOP.

The Second Law of Fandom

Your Kink Is Not My Kink (YKINMK)

Simply put, this means that everyone likes different things. It’s not up to you to determine what creators are allowed to create. It’s not up to you to police fandom. 

If you don’t like something, you can post meta about it or create contrarian content yourself, seek to convert other fans to your way of thinking.  

But you have no right to say to any creator “I do not like this, therefore you should not create it. Nobody should like this. It should not exist.”

It’s not up to you to decide what other people are allowed to like or not like, to create or not to create. That’s censorship. Don’t do it.

The Third Law of Fandom

Ship And Let Ship (SALS)

Much (though not all) fandom is about shipping. There are as many possible ships as there are fans, maybe more. You may have an OTP (One True Pairing), you may have a NOTP, that pairing that makes you want to barf at the very thought of its existence.

It’s not up to you to police ships or to determine what other people are allowed to ship. Just because you find that one particular ship problematic or disgusting, does not mean that other people are not allowed to explore its possibilities in their fanworks.

You are free to create contrarian content, to write meta about why a particular ship is repulsive, to discuss it endlessly on your private blog with like-minded persons.

It is not appropriate to harass creators about their ships, it is not appropriate to demand they do not create any more fanworks about those ships, or that they create fanwork only in a manner that you deem appropriate.

These three laws add up to the following:

You are not paying for fanworks content, and you have no rights to it other than to choose to consume it, or not consume it. If you do choose to consume it, do not then attack the creator if it wasn’t to your taste. That’s the height of bad manners.

Be courteous in fandom. It makes the whole experience better for all of us.

Yup.

Slaps onto blog.

mrcheyl:

Be wise enough to realize when your effort is ignored and unappreciated. Be strong enough to put yourself first and cut ties that no longer serve to improve your life, especially if they have a negative impact. Lastly, be patient enough to know that time will allow you to move on but that begins with you wanting to move on. 

Counterproductive Behaviors of Social Justice Activists

fuck-yeah-feminist:

Hey, crew! As the year comes to a close, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about my own role as an activist, an ally, and a student of critical theory. I’ve done a lot of amazing things in the past 12 months. And I’ve also conducted a bunch of glorious fuck ups. I’ve helped people and hurt them. And people have deeply loved and harmed me as well.

Grace is my goal and hope for 2016. I want to give myself and others grace for our mistakes (as long as we learn from them). In the name of beginning this effort, I’ve come up with a list of behaviors that I’ve noticed were counterproductive in social justice pursuits during 2015… Some in myself, some in others. Here we go:

1. Shaming our allies when they make mistakes. Instead, let’s educate them and lead them to resources to improve their behavior. Sometimes it feels so, SO good to drill a bigoted asshole into the ground. I get it. I really do. But we have to understand that most oppression is unquestioned and ingrained – NOT intentional. Let’s teach more than we crush. Save the crushing for real assholes, not just people who make mistakes on their journey.

2. Pretending that we’ve always been as educated/aware/eloquent as we are now. Let’s be real. We’ve all come a looooong way on this stuff. Even if you’re just entering the world of social justice activism, you’re probably way better at things than you were last month, last week, or even yesterday. Acknowledge (publicly! audibly! constantly!) that this is a long journey.

3. Assuming that we’ve reached enlightenment. Following up the note about the “long journey,” it’s important to recognize that the journey isn’t just long – it’s endless. There is no perfect ally or activist. There is no. such. thing. Say it with me now: We are all deeply imperfect. I am deeply imperfect. I hold ableist/transphobic/racist/sexist views merely by existing in this world. The best we can do is to learn from our mistakes and understand that we have never reached enlightenment; we must always fight toward it.

4. Trivializing the courage and pain involved in understanding the realities of privilege. For many people, seeing our privileges is something we were never asked to do. In fact, we were actively encouraged to deny that we benefit from structural inequality because, frankly, we’re all living in a world that denies these inequalities exist at all. (Myth of meritocracy, anyone?) Unpacking all of this is a lifelong process that causes lots of pain, guilt, and shame. As activists, we must be there to support this process – NOT to minimize people’s journeys or silence them when they talk about the struggles they face.

5. Letting our oppressed identities erase our privileged ones. Following #4, we ALL have to realize that we hide from our privileges by leading with our oppressed identities. For instance, I’m a queer, androgynous woman who deals with sexism, biphobia, homophobia, and transphobia frequently. I’m hurt by these things constantly. But I’m also white, a US citizen, able-bodied, and class privileged. Guess which list is easier for me to talk about?

6. Calling out others for the purpose of making ourselves look good. This one is so, SO hard. It’s easy to see someone’s failure as an opportunity to jump in and parade our own “goodness.” But that’s NOT activism. It’s selfish. We must instead call out others in a way that benefits both their growth as individuals and the progress of our cause(s). And yeah, humor is fun sometimes. So is public shaming. But remember that people are people.

—

As we move into 2016, let’s all be reflexive of our activism. Let’s live it, not just speak it. Cheers to growth.