Tag: submission

Ham4Hobbit

Hey there! I love you guy’s Hobbit and Hamilton crossover so much I just thought I’d throw these lyrics into the mix 🙂

King Georduil: Bilbo Baggins? I know him. That can’t be. Thats that little guy who stole from me

– – –

Burrbo: Smaug breathes fire at Oakenshield. Calls him “Dwarrow Bastard” in his taunts. Oakenshield offers his response;

Hamilthorin: SIT DOWN SMAUG YOU FAT MOTHERF#$@%R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bofur: Oakenshield’s out of control

– – – –

Hamilthorin: Lord show me how to say no to this. I don’t know how to say no to this. But the situations helpless and this gold is saying “Mahal yes!“ 

BURRBO OH MY ACTUAL GOD AHAHAHAHA these are wonderful!!! Thank you, thank you SO MUCH, yes yes all the hobbity hamilton mashups, this is fantastic, thank you!! @culturalrebel LOOK!

HOBBIT4HAM BY CULTURALREBEL SOME MORE (because why cry over one epic sad story when you can cry over two)

[BILBO]

How does an exiled, orphaned son of a Longbeard and

A Durin, dropped in the middle of

Of the enduring hills west of the Shire, by providence

Impoverished, in squalor?

Grow up to be a hero and a brawler?

[FILI]

The proud prince of our First Father, without a bother

Got a lot farther by working a lot harder

By being a lot smarter

By being a self-starter

And by forty, they placed him in charge of the trading charter.

[DAIN]

And every day while goods were being carted and sold away

Across the river, the kingdom’s riches stretched farther.

Inside, each Dwarf had something to be proud of

And no-one had to beg, steal, borrow or barter.

[BALIN]

Then dragonfire came, and devastation reigned.

Our prince saw our future burn-burnin’ down in flames.

Put a sword in his hand, vengeance flowing through his brain.

And he made his fury plain, a testament to his pain.

[BILBO]

Well, the word got around, Gandalf said

“This Dwarf is insane, man!”

Offered him protection while he searched through the Lone-lands.

“Bring the resurrection of the land from whence you came.

And the world’s gonna know your name!”

What’s your name, man?

[THORIN]

Thorin Thrainul Oakenshield.

My name is Thorin Thrainul Oakenshield.

I have a kingdom that I must rebuild.

So just you wait, just you wait…

[DIS]

After eight years, Grandfather split,

A fire lit, reclaim the Pit

A year later, sees Thorin and our brother takin’ hits

Half-dead! Covered in Orc sick, the blood thick.

[ENSEMBLE]

And Thorin got better, but Frerin went quick.

[DWALIN]

Moved in with a cousin, who told him his plan was suicide!

Left with nothing but ruined pride, something new inside

A voice saying-

[ALL]

Thorin, you gotta fight for what’s yours!

[DWALIN]

He started readin’, believin’ he would settle all his scores.

[BILBO]

There would’ve been nothing left to do for someone lest astute

He would’ve been dead or destitute

Without a cent of restitution

Started working! Forging everything he could get paid for!

Trading metal, weapons, hammers, all the things he can’t afford!

Searching for every Dwarf that he could get his hands on!

Prophecies foretold, see him now as he stands on

The bow of a ship heading for his rightful home!

The King of carven stone shall come into his own!

[ALL]

The King of carven stone shall come into his own!

[THORIN]

Just you wait.

[ALL]

The King of carven stone shall come into his own!

[THORIN]

Just you wait.

[ALL]

The King of carven stone shall come into his own!

King Thorin!

[THORIN]

Just you waiiiit!

[ALL]

Thorin Thrainul Oakenshield!

We are waiting in the wings for you!

You could never back down,

You never learned to take your tiiiime!

Oh, Thorin Thrainul Oakenshield!

All of Erebor sings for you!

Will they know what you overcame?

Will they know you rewrote the game?

The world will never be the same, ohhh!

[BILBO]

The ship has left the riverside,

See if you can spot him!

Durin’s Day upon him now,

He must climb from the bottom!

His foes tried to wreck his rep

But we will not forget him!

[COMPANY/THRANDUIL/BARD]

We…fought with him.

[FILI AND KILI]

Us, we died for him.

[DAIN]

Me, I trusted him.

[BILBO/DIS]

Me, I loved him.

[AZOG]

And me? I’m the Pale Orc that stabbed him!

[ENSEMBLE]

I have a kingdom that I must rebuild!

So just you waiiit!

[BILBO]

What’s your name, man?

[THORIN/ENSEMBLE]

Thorin Thrainul Oakenshield!

I sang along with this one in my head EVERY FREAKIN WORD omfffffg

culturalrebel strikes again: Hobbit4Ham AMAZINGNESS AHOY

[ENSEMBLE]

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, niiiine!

[THORIN]

There are ten things you need to know.

[ENSEMBLE]

Number one!

[THORIN]

We broke across the barriers at dawn.

My kin rode out with me, Dwalin served as my

[ALL]

Number two!

[THORIN]

Azog was there with his crew.

His son Bolg, and some Warg-Scouts that he knew

[ENSEMBLE]

Number three!

[THORIN]

I watched as he examined the terrain.

I don’t want to tell you what was happening in his brain.

The end of my line, this beast has pursued!

[ALL]

The end of his blade, you must elude!

Number four!

[THORIN]

Azog hid, maintained his position

We went up the hills, his death our mission

This is an Orc with a general’s ability

Even with his kind, he’s regarded with infamy.

[ENSEMBLE]

Five!

[THORIN]

Our allies were running out of time

So I passed the same spot where Fili died

And that’s why-

[ENSEMBLE]

Six!

[THORIN]

I examined my sword with such rigour

Fire in my soul and vengeance tasting bitter.

[ENSEMBLE]

Seven!

[THORIN]

Confession time? Here’s what I got:

My kinsmen and the burglar, in my hate I forgot.

[ENSEMBLE]

Eight!

[THORIN]

My last chance, don’t negotiate.

Kill or be killed, see if hell or Mahal’s Halls await.

They won’t say this part when this tale’s told

But here it is: I let my pride and fury run cold.

Why? So I could take deadly aim.

It’s him or me, the world will never be the same!

I had only one thought before the slaughter:

This Orc will not take the last son of Thrain’s daughter.

[ENSEMBLE]

Number nine!

[THORIN]

Look him in the eye, aim no higher!

Summon all the courage you require!

Then count!

[ENSEMBLE]

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight nine!

Number ten paces, fire!

Me: *curled on the floor, alshgdshdjagfajhgajha NOOOOOO AUGH THIS IS AMAZING*

Culturalrebel has Hobbit4Ham’d (NEVER STOP)

[DIS]

Look around, look around, at how lucky we are to be alive right now.

Look around, look around…

[THORIN]

How long have you known?

[DIS]

A month or so.

[THORIN]

Namadith, you should have told me.

[DIS]

That’s why I sent that raven a month ago.

[THORIN]

No!

[DIS]

And I told you to come home.

[THORIN]

You should have told me…

[DIS]

I’m not sorry.

…I knew you’d go until the search was done..

[THORIN]

Adad’s still gone…

[DIS]

But you must meet your brand new sister-son.

Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now.

[THORIN]

Do you relish living in exile and strife?

No Mountain to provide for your life?

[DIS]

We relish being in your life.

Look around, look around…

Look at where you are, look at where you started.

The fact that you’re alive is a miracle.

Just stay alive, and that would be enough.

And if this child has a part of Vili’s smile

Or a fragment of my mind, then look out world!

That would be enough.

I don’t pretend to know, the challenges you’re facing

The memories replaying, unrelenting in your mind.

But I’m not afraid.

I know you, Nadadel.

So long as you come home by the end of the day,

That would be enough.

We don’t need this legacy

We don’t need money.

If we could grant you peace of mind…

If you could let me inside your heart!

Oh, let us be a part of the narrative

In the story they will write someday.

Let this moment be the first chapter

Where you decide to stay,

And they could be enough.

And we could be enough.

That would be enough.

*wibbles until I fall over in a heap, clutching heart and whimpering* @culturalrebel god i hope you’re satisfied

[THORIN]

I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory.

Is this where it gets me? On my feet, bloodied steel inside of me?

I feel it coming, do I run or use my sword or let it be?

…There is no beat, no melody.

Bilbo…my friend that I made my enemy…

If I throw away my shot, is this how you remember me?

Maybe this wound is my legacy

Legacy

What is a legacy?

It’s planting seeds in a garden you never get to see.

I wrote some notes at the beginning of a song someone will sing for me.

Erebor! You great unfinished symphony, you sent for me!

You let me make a difference! A place where even exiled princes

Can leave their fingerprints and

Rise up! I’m running out of time, I’m running and my time’s up!

Wise up! Eyes u-

…I catch a glimpse of the other side.

Fili is leading our kin in song on the other side,

My brother’s on the other side!

He’s with our mother on the other side, Grandfather’s watching from the other side!

Team me how to say goodbye, rise up, rise up, rise up

Namadith!

…Oh sister, take your time…

I’ll see you on the other side.

…Far away¸ the Misty Mountain calls…

[BILBO]

Thorin, look at the eagles in the sky, wait!

(….I AM SO SORRY)

[THORIN IN THE HALLS OF EREBOR]

In the eye of a hurricane, there is quiet.

For just a moment…a yellow sky.

I was young when dragonfire took all we’d earned.

But I didn’t burn

….I couldn’t seem to die.

I fought my way out.

Fought ev’ryone, far as I could see

I fought my way out.

I looked down and the kingdom had its eyes on me.

We passed from town to town.

And sometimes, strangers moved to kindness

By our story

Raised enough for us to book passage on a ship

Ered Luin-bound.

[RAP]

I fought my way out of hell.

I fought my way through strife and struggle

To keep our heritage away from death’s knells.

I fought the Pale Orc!

With a shield until he fell!

I fought against our enemies and defended us well!

And in the face of ignorance and resistance

I brought that ancient prophecy into existence!

And when my prayers to Mahal were met with indifference

I picked up a sword, and fought for our deliverance!

In the eye of a hurricane, there is quiet!

For just a moment…a yellow sky.

I was young when my brother died.

He was holding me.

In Khazad-dum, he was holding me…

….I couldn’t seem to die.

[BALIN]

Wait for it, wait for it, wait for it.

[THORIN]

…I’ll fight my way out.

[COMPANY]

Wait for it, wait for it-

[THORIN]

I’ll fight everyone, far as I can see! *grabs Bilbo*

[COMPANY]

History has its eyeees-

[THORIN]

I’ll fight my way out!

Overwhelm them with authority!

*dangles Bilbo over the battlements*

This is the eye of the hurricane!

This is the only way I can protect my legacy!

[COMPANY]

Wait for iT, wait for it, wait for it, wait!

May be a (day? what even are timezones) and not very good, but I wanted you to know I didn’t forget your birthday *hugs*

You’ve really been a great friend to me, Dets, and I know we that even though we don’t talk much anymore (aside from bolstering back and forth gifs, which honestly are the best damn things) I will still always count you as one. You’re a good person, an astoundingly creative mind, an awesome mom, a great wife too I’m sure, and I bet one amazing teacher. I hope you had a fantastic day, because you deserve it.

I also hope you like the cake as well. Dain is no Stonebelly, but he can definitely mix batter (with only a somewhat awful mess). It’s made with chocolate straight from Harad, and decked out with the legendary goat cream of the Iron Hills. Dain’ll say he used a great eagle’s egg to make it, but don’t believe him for a moment. It was just normal chickens (Shire-bred chickens, the best kind).

Dets’ reaction: POPPPP

OH 

SWEET 

HEAVENS

POP, you utter, UTTER DIAMOND, YOU MITHRIL-SOULED WONDER THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY, I CAN’T EVEN SAY HOW MUCH, this is getting printed and put on my study wall, I LOVE HIS WARM SCRUNCHED EYES AND HIS HAIR AND HIS BIG SMILE AND HE’S

GIVING ME

CAKE

hhskjdhflshdafaj DAIN GIVIN ME MY BIRTHDAY CAKE, just…;asdkjhflasjhdaljh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pop, thank you, thank you, aaaaargh, thank you SO much, I’ve missed chatting to you goddamn it, so very much. You’re a truly incredible person, and a true, real and amazing friend, and I am SO. GRATEFUL. to have you in my life. So grateful, so happy, so immensely thankful. 

Thank you, Miss Pop, GOD. SO MUCH. 

Happy birthday best person! (or is this too late? In that case, happy belated birthday 🎂) I hope this year is going to be everything you want it to be and I wish you much joy and laughter, have a wonderful year you wonderful person!!! 🎈🎈🎈

No, not late…! And thank you sO much, that’s a great card! 🙂

*mad cackling*

Thorin kills Azog the Defiler, but at the cost of his life. His nephews mourn, as Fili, blinded in one eye from his brush with death on Ravenhill, is crowned King Under the Mountain. He will see Erebor restored, and while some grumble at his freeness with the wealth of the mountain in aiding others, none will ever say that he might fall to gold sickness. Erebor will know peace, under him.

Meanwhile, Bard the Bowman heroically have his life fighting to save the people of Laketown, now Dale. Queen Sigrid is crowned, the eldest heir of Girion, and the daughter of the Dragonslayer. She is firm, and crafty, and any who doubt her soon gain a strong respect for her caring heart and quick mind. She is grieving for her father, and trying her best to raise her siblings after tragedy; but she is strong.

The Elvenking fought like a hurricane, but was overwhelmed by a swarm of orcs as he was thrown from his mount. His body was found hours after the battle, in a circle of mutilated orcs. His son, who has never been the type for politics, puts aside his joy in patrolling with the guard and takes up his father’s crown. Legolas Thranduilion is perhaps not the best of kings, but he is kind, well-liked, and will not lead his people astray

YOU ASKED FOR THIS

Dets’ reaction: I DID, I DID ASK FOR THIS

augh yessss THE DELICIOUS DEVASTATION