Hi! Will there be more Sansukh soon? I don’t mean to sound demanding but after tonight in America a new chapter is about all I have to live for.

Hey Nonnie. Yep, more soon. Chapter WIP wordcount hovering at 4K. But I wanna say a thing, and I am super sorry if I come off as preachy or dumb, but –

There is more in this life, and in this world, to live for. Believe me. I’m still here. A good many of my friends are still here. You are worth living for. The community you dream of and deserve is worth living for. The world you wish to create and to live in is WORTH LIVING FOR. The future is not immutable, not even the near future: you can be a part of building it and changing it, even in the face of such hideous opposition. You – your wonder and passion and care and love and RAGE – are needed. YOU CAN FIGHT.

I know it is terrifying. I know it is horrible. I know. I’ve lived through these, and I know. I have been staring in shocked silence for a good hour. Now, I am honestly wondering how to fly you all over here and if I have enough space (let alone blankets and sheets) to cater to every fucking last one of you.

You can FIGHT. I’ve seen some posts already, with amazing and impactful suggestions for people to try to make a difference against what has happened: both on a grass-roots and national level. FIGHT. It’s not the end. It is NEVER the end until the last person gives up.

I just remembered why I avoid ch. 35. Right in the feels, every time. I’ve honestly never read a story, fanfic or otherwise, that could make me cry over the characters, but this one did it. A question, though. Could Bombur and Dain’s actions be considered suicide? Bombur had to know that, with his leg, it was only a matter of time, and with how old Dain is, he likely knew too. But they still both went out and fought so…?

*hugs* Ahh, sorry Nonnie. That chapter has made people howl at me a lot!!

Oooh. I think that people will do tremendously brave and powerfully foolhardy things in order to protect those they love – even at the cost of their own life.

I think, given more time and deliberation (and less terrible circumstances), that they both would have elected to live. They didn’t go out there with death being the end-goal in mind. They went out to achieve other goals – Dain to open up a column to Dale and finally kill Dagalur, ending the blood-feud at last, and Bombur to save Bofur. Death was the unfortunate consequence.

No, I don’t think they chose suicide. I think that they’d have wanted to survive their encounters. I think they held onto a tiny hope that they would – Dain, most certainly, knows that it is near-certain, but he still hopes that he might make it.

Bombur isn’t thinking about his stupid leg at all, nor his children or wife or grandchildren – he is FURIOUS and ready to kill every Orc he can see, just to try and get to his brother. An angry Bombur is a very dangerous one!

readswaytoomuch:

I’ve seen posts like these for Wade Wilson and Tony Stark so here’s one of my own.

Things most people don’t remember/know about Bruce Banner/Hulk (in no particular order):

Bruce was a victim of physical and emotional child abuse.

He saw his mother being physically abused while protecting him for years and finally murdered by his father right in front of him.

As a result he looks out for abused kids.

Hulk was once raped.

Bruce has borrowed Hulk’s strength to beat the crap out of people sexually assaulting or even just plain assaulting women.

Hulk is very protective of women in general.

Bruce didn’t want to work on weapons, but no one was funding his other projects and the gamma bomb was the best shot he had of getting enough money to start work on the things he actually wanted to do.

He defeated the first villain he came across after becoming the Hulk not by smashing him but by offering to help him.

Bruce/Hulk consider She-Hulk to be the best thing they’ve ever been responsible for.

When Bruce is upset he eats ice cream. He also loves milkshakes and described them as pretty much the best thing on Earth.

Bruce’s intelligence and Hulk’s strength are said to be incalculable.

Hulk loves animals, especially dogs.

Spider-Man once got Hulk to turn back into Bruce by telling him a joke.

Bruce is multilingual and knows Russian as well as Austro-Bavarian, though presumably he knows others.

Besides having PTSD, depression, and likely anxiety, Bruce has been diagnosed in canon as having Disassociative Identity Disorder (DID).

Hulk experiences chronic pain.

At one point Bruce started sewing survival kits into his pants.

Both Bruce and Hulk grow deeply attached to people very quickly.

Hulk’s favorite food is beans.

Bruce has attempted to commit suicide on multiple occasions, including once when he was a kid by building a bomb in the basement of his school.

Hulk has never intentionally killed an innocent person. All the times that he has killed people were either completely accidental, when he was under someone else’s control, when he was completely mindless with rage without Bruce to hold him back, or because he was seriously provoked (such as by the army).

Hulk hates opera.

Bruce’s exact birthdate is unknown but he is an Aries.

eglantinebr:

robotmango:

madamethursday:

tariqk:

eclecticmuses:

roane72:

alwayshometomarvel:

roane72:

esterbrook:

roane72:

The thing about Tumblr that probably makes me saddest is the underlying assumption that women past a certain age (which seems to be about 25?) stop having any sort of outside interests beyond family/career/kids. Like, y’all are always so shocked that grown women have lives and can fangirl as hard as we did as teenagers.

It makes me sad not because it makes me feel old (although it does), but because these younger women are constricting their own lives–they fully expect that this will happen to them someday. Y’all deserve better. Y’all deserve to EXPECT better.

And worse than that, the idea that there’s something WRONG with a grown woman who has other interests.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

One of the biggest things I realized growing up?

It doesn’t happen.

You expect somehow you will change when you are finally An Adult™. You’ll stop enjoying the things you enjoy now for something more “adult” or “mature.” You’ll FEEL like an adult and not like a child anymore. You’ll feel comfortable and secure and not scared and unsure and confused. You expect you will feel like you have your shit together.

But I can tell you that it doesn’t happen. You’ll still feel like the “you” you were at 15 or 17 or 19.

You just have these…things to deal with. Like rent. And insurance.

You have a job either because a) you like it or b) it keeps the lights and internet on.

You’ll look up from fangirling one day and realize “Shit. I am twenty eight years old. That’s almost 30!” Or maybe it will be that you look down at the small child clasped around your legs and realize “That is my child. I have a child. A human being child.” Or maybe it will be that you have to negotiate your budget around con tickets AND a mortgage payment.

Growing up isn’t a thing that happens.

It’s a realization that it doesn’t happen.

Holy shit, y’all. There are some AMAZING responses to this post. Yes, everything alwayshometomarvel says. All that.

Feeling like I wasn’t ‘adult’ enough fucked me up for years. I would cry at night and feel like a total piece of shit because I was married with a kid, and yet I still did ‘not adult’ things–I played MMOs, I cosplayed and went to conventions, I drew fan art and wrote fan fic. I kept waiting for the day that I would wake up and realize that what I really needed to be doing was the laundry, cleaning the house, making dinner every night, etc. Basically, be the ‘perfect’ wife and mother.

And somewhere between then and now, I somehow managed to tell myself…fuck it. I AM an adult. I go to work every day and pay the bills and help raise my son and take care of the house. I do legit adult things. AND I play MMOs, go to conventions, and participate in fandom. And THAT’S OKAY. I’m 32 years old now and finally at peace with that part of myself. (Having a supportive husband and kid doesn’t hurt either!)

@malaysianfeminist

All of this is such truth. Believing these things about growing up, and especially about being over 25? Really made it hard for me when I turned 30.

I was literally suicidal on my 30th birthday. I spent the whole day in tears. I felt like I had died and my life was now worthless and small and never going to be hopeful or full of promise or fun again. I felt like killing myself on my birthday because I bought into this lie that somewhere after your mid-twenties, you diminish as a woman because the only thing that made you alive and shiny was your youth.

I’m 31 now and I’m done with that shit. I’m over it. I don’t care if you think I’m too old for something. If I’m an old lady in Tumblr terms, then I’m past the legal age where I’m obligated to care what you think.

So, I’m telling you girls out there right now who are in your teens and twenties, get rid of this idea of what older women are “supposed” to look like. Get rid of this idea that “soccer moms” don’t play video games or that all women over 25 should be married and contemplating kids. Get rid of the idea that fanfic and fandom and fun things are for “kids.”

Mostly, get rid of this notion that the only thing really valuable about you is your youth. Youth is part of life, but it’s not the most valuable or beautiful or exciting time of your life. I like my life at 30 about 1000% than I did at 15, 18, 20, even 25.

on her deathbed, my grandmother pulled my mom close to her and said, “i don’t feel old. i don’t know how i’m supposed to feel. but inside, i still feel seventeen.” when I was a teenager, I used to think that story was sad; sad and strange somehow, like she’d been frozen in time. but now that i am a woman in my thirties, I understand. I understand her. I am a grown woman in the ways that matter. I listen to myself more, trust my experience more. but inside? I still feel the joy and rage and mess; I am still changing. we’re not frozen in time. we are just still growing.

the more we acknowledge that modern “adulthood” is largely a concept designed to sell vacuums and sedans, and not an arbitrary total overhaul of self at age 35, the more we can admit our ongoing capacity– no, our ongoing NEED for play and playfulness and exploration. those are childish things we should never have to put away.

Yes.

theauspolchronicles:

The blatant stupidity of attacking the Safe Schools Program is that the Liberals saw a program that would be instrumental in decreasing suicide rates in teenagers and decided it’d be fine to just gut it because one of them spoke up against it. The Liberal Party had a way to help prevent suicide rates in people of all sexual orientations and decided that it wasn’t in their best interests to keep it intact. Regardless of misguided intentions it reeks of willful ignorance of the issues that surround queer youth and is downright malicious. I am so pissed off. Fuck the Liberal party for not prioritizing saving the lives of children.

Thror watching Azanulbizar from the Halls (I think you once mentioned that Azanulbizar followed books canon and happened bc of Thror’s death?), unable to do anything. Watching his grandson die and his son descend into madness after being captured. Knowing it was al because he went and got himself killed on a suicide mission.

so this is exactly what happened in Sansukh hey

This has been the Angst Bulletin, thank you for watching

can you not?

sincerely-chaos:

leviheichouackerman:

I’m not here to tell you that you have to like any ship or even change whatever set of beliefs you have that makes you think that a certain ship is horrible. If you hate something or think it’s disgusting, that’s fine, that’s your business.

What I do want to do is ask you to just leave the people that ship the things you don’t like alone. Completely.

Someone is going to end up dead. I’m not saying this to be dramatic. There have been so many suicidal posts, that are increasing in frequency, and one of these times it is going to happen.

Do you really want someone to die because you don’t like what fictional characters they ship?

Read that sentence again. Read it a few times, out loud, until you realize just how absolutely ridiculous it sounds.

No matter how much you hate a fictional pairing, people are still going to ship it. People will still write fanfiction and make fanart and post it on Tumblr and elsewhere.

No amount of complaining, tag spamming, hateful anons or call out posts will ever stop all of it.

What you will do, is you’ll harass someone past their breaking point and someone who can’t take the incessant bullying and the toxic call out culture you are participating in is going to end their own life.

Look at how many teens have killed themselves over bullying.

You are bullying people. You are going to push someone at the wrong time and no amount of apologies, of saying “but I’m a mentally ill minor” or anything else is going to give that person their life back. Or take away the guilt you’re going to have hanging on your shoulders or the rest of your life if you don’t re-evaluate how you are treating people.

And if you think anyone deserves to die over any of this, you are pretty much the worst of the worst and have zero moral high ground or authority to be preaching at anyone.

Stop making call out posts. Stay out of the ship tags. Block users that produce or post content you don’t like or that isn’t properly tagged. Use blacklisting functions. Do not search tags while you are on mobile. Understand that there are millions of us with ptsd or that are trauma survivors that have various triggers and it is impossible to completely avoid them 100% of the time and it is something that, while it feels unfair, is something we just have to deal with.

I get triggered, too. I know what it’s like, I’ve been living with it for a very, very long time. But, I understand I cannot eliminate my triggers completely from the world. I can do what is within my power to avoid them, but sometimes everything I do just won’t be enough. It’s something I’ve had to accept. And I’ve had to accept that even though certain things trigger me, it doesn’t give me a right to hurt anyone else, particularly people that are doing things that are well within their rights to do – no matter how disgusting or problematic I think it is.

I want you to seriously consider how you are treating other people and how much these attacks hurt them. They don’t ship to hurt you. They ship for whatever their reasons are – to enjoy something, to cope, etc. But, their shipping has nothing to do with YOU personally. You are taking something they are doing that isn’t about you, no matter how much you try to make it so, and using it as a weak excuse to harass people. It’s not okay.

When you make call out posts, when you send hate anons, you are attacking an individual. Not an idea or a concept, but a person. Someone with feelings, that might be dealing with a slew of issues you have no idea about.

Please stop targeting shippers before this gets to a point where no amount of apologies can ever fix it.

There is a difference between attacking an idea and attacking a person. Please try and understand that.

Please. Yes. It’s reasonable to avoid what you don’t like. Purposely spending time on it and writing about it seems somewhat counterproductive to me. And. It has a great potential up actually ending up poisoning the joy for a great lot of people.

Yk maybe mentally ill people are tired of seeing fandom portray them in the type of men who remind them of abusers. Just a thought.

dungeonsandyubi:

Yk maybe mentally ill people are tired of seeing people like you look at good, accurate portrayals of mental illness and brand them as abusers. Maybe they’re tired of people like you thinking their symptoms mean they’re abusive. Maybe they’re tired of believing they’re a burden, a “fuckup”, a “douchebag”, a “patient”, and all the other lovely words you’ve used.

Maybe they’re tired of being hidden away in dark corners because people like you think so lowly of mental illness. Maybe they’re tired of being ashamed to talk about how they feel in case someone like you calls them a “fuckup” or an “abuser”.

Maybe the only person here with a problem is you, anon. Maybe the person being abusive here is you, anon. Just a thought.

I’ve said all I need to say on this matter, now. I’ve explained in depth Thorin’s mental state, I’ve explained my take on Bagginshield. I’ve had to defend things I never thought I’ve had to defend, because I assumed most people had basically decency in their hearts

You’ve been exposed, anon, as a disgusting example of ableist nonsense.

You’ve lost. Beyond Thorin, beyond Bagginshield, beyond fandom, you’ve lost. You’ve shown your true, horrible colours. You’ve come across as a monster. You should be ashamed.

Give up. Go away.

I have no time for abusive, ableist creatures like you.

Gamve Over.

You lost.

I am so fucking angry right now. Sophie, you are a stellar human, and have responded to this vile little toad with grace and patience. I have to add my own fucking 2 cents, because this whole steaming mass of bullshit has cut me very close to the bone.

I write Thorin as a person living with mental illness. You know why?

Because I do. Because my father does. My little sister. My best friend. My uncle had schizophrenia, as it was then called. My grandfather had PTSD. There are so many more members of my family, so many more of my friends, who also live with mental illness. We’re fucking everywhere.

Anon, stop talking for people with mental illness. STOP IT. STOP. IT.

You do not speak for me. Or them. We can speak FOR OURSELVES. I don’t remember voting for you as spokesasshole for the mentally ill.

I am a good singer, and a decent dancer, and I bake fabulous cakes and pies, and I am a good mum. I am tidy, I am a great organiser, I am a good teacher. I hate glace cherries, I love liquorice, I make my own pasta and shortcrust pastry. The fact that I cannot always deal with shit – or that I sometimes deal in a way that isn’t ‘nice’ – has never mattered to my husband. He loves me. I love him. We do not need to be the same in every respect in order to love each other. I am perceptive and cautious and loyal and retiring. He is discerning and analytical and confident and funny. I make risotto. He makes sushi. I vacuum. He mows the lawn. I wash the towels and bedsheets. He does the ironing. I empty the kitty litter. He takes out the bins. We have been together for a hell of a long time. Sometimes I carry him. Sometimes he carries me. Sometimes we prop each other up.

WTF, anon – how can you say that illness is the measure of a whole person, let alone of a relationship? Because I have depression and my husband does not, to you we are unequal? That he is my minder? That I am abusing him? You are insulting and infantilising me, you arrogant monster. And fuck you very much, you jerk. I am 33, I have lived a hell of a life already, and I am no infant. My husband is my partner in all things. There is no decision we do not make mutually. And you know something? He has always said that I have sacrificed waaaaay too much of my own life to facilitate his. I support him wholeheartedly, in everything, with everything that I am. And he does the same for me.

Do I not have the right to express my story in a way that I see fit, using characters I love, in a world that has captivated me since I was 8? Or is that only for NT folks, and not for the likes of dirty, ‘broken’ lil me?

Am I not permitted to see similarities between my illness and Thorin’s character – AND Bilbo’s, to be perfectly frank – and to explore that? To say, ‘yes, I am never going to be “ all better, all fixed now!!!” – and that’s okay, I am loved and I am enough.’ That when I withdraw or can’t cope or hide (or worse), it doesn’t mean that the good things that I am, the good things that I have done and still do and still may achieve, are suddenly wiped away?

Fuck you, anon.

My own little sister is one of the most compassionate and gentle and wise and good people in this whole entire world. In the past she has mutilated her face and has tried to throw herself out of the window. She travelled India and Nepal by herself, volunteering in orphanages as a childminder, despite her chronic pain. My dad is ridiculously creative and passionate and clever and full of life and ridiculous snort-worthy jokes, and he is also generous. beyond. belief. Not kidding. I mean it: my Dad will give you the shirt off his back. He would shower you in tiny puppies if he thought it would make you happy. I have lost count of the times he has said, ‘so what can I do to help?’

He also has angry rants in which he verbally attacks the people he loves, and is too ashamed to even speak afterwards. But he always ALWAYS takes responsibility for them, and for the damage his words can do.

I love my dad. Love my dad. My dad is a wonderful, amazing, incredible dad. I would never, EVER wish for another. He is not. Fucking. Abusive. He is my darlin’ ole dad, and he is doing the very best he can. On all days; on every day. He is a flawed and perfect and wonderful human. Sound in any way familiar?

Do these very real flesh-and-blood-and-bone people not deserve love? Are they nothing but ‘patients’?

My uncle introduced me to Lord of the Rings. I was 8. I called him ‘Uncle Puss’ and he used to read it to me and tell me what the long words meant, and encouraged me when I expressed a thought aloud. He was kind, and quiet, and shy, and sweet. His intelligence was literally OFF THE FUCKING CHARTS. He encouraged me in everything, he supported me when I had no sense of self-worth and would literally let myself be walked all over if it made things ‘easier’. He recognised when I was being bullied before anybody else did. He comforted and bolstered me when I thought that I wasn’t allowed to be smart, because I thought it made me a bigger target. His illness made him lethargic and withdrawn, and his medications for a time made him physically violent. Did that make him a terrible person? Did it make this tall, awkward, skinny, sweet, shy, brilliant man a leech? An ABUSER?

Fuck you, anon.

Many people thought the same way as this asshole anon. Thanks in part to their influence, my brilliant, gentle Uncle Puss has been missing for 15 years. He was legally presumed dead two years ago.

My grandfather fought in Papua New Guinea in WWII. He came home. He raised three children – it would have been four, but my youngest uncle died when he was only 9. My grandfather never spoke about what he’d seen, or done. The medals went into the cupboard, and my grandfather made things grow. He planted trees all over Australia: taught people to care for them. Whole magnificent avenues of trees still stand, taller than buildings, and I can point to them and say ‘my Poppy did that.’ He called me silly pet names, he would dismantle the whole sun-room to build blanket forts for us that never collapsed, and taught me how to garden. He fed the whole street with the vegetables from his garden. He would distance himself, he would hide, and he would snap and snarl: he would accuse us of snooping when we went climbing and playing in the shed. He was a WIZARD at Uno. He was so strong. He was so amazing. He developed bowel cancer and took his own life on the 29th of February, so that we could only mark that one day every four years. I miss him so much.

I loved them. They deserved love. I deserve love.

Anon, your goddamned awful views hurt real living people like these. You simplify them. You reduce them – and me – to a couple of hurtful, spiteful, vicious words.

This anon seems to think that we ‘fuckups’ are rare. That we are somehow aberrant. That the love we have to give, the people we are, are not worth the time and affection of any neurotypical person. That we bring nothing good to a relationship.

That we do not deserve to see ourselves in the fan-media that

ourselves

create.

That we are nothing but ‘draining leeches’. Nothing but ‘fuckups’. Unworthy.

This anon acts as though we can’t speak for ourselves, and then tells us that we are ‘fetishising’ our illness when we do.

God, I haven’t even touched on the matter of being instructed as to which characters are ‘acceptable’ for me, as a person with MI, to identify with. The absolutely breath-taking arrogance of that. The sheer level of autocratic, imperious obliviousness.

Despite all this rantage and evidence and soul-baring, I don’t think I have articulated the ways in which I am angry about this poisonous and STUPID viewpoint, and the fact that this jerk anon is using me and people like me as mouthless and voiceless ‘validation’ to bolster their very obvious bigotry.

But I think it can be concluded in three short words: Fuck. You. Anon.

Possessiveness 101

littlemousling:

Totally cool: “Hey, do you want to be exclusive?”

Red flag: “No one but me is allowed to touch you.”

Totally cool: “It makes me feel weird when you flirt with other people, can we talk about that?”

Red flag: “If you loved me, you would stop being friends with them. You KNOW it makes me jealous.”

Totally cool: “I hope we’re together forever. I’m so in this for the long haul.”

Red flag: “If you ever left me, I would kill myself.”

Totally cool: “Your mom is really unkind to me, can we try to minimize how often you bring me when you visit her?”

Red flag: “Your mom hates me, you need to stop talking to her. She’s trying to ruin our relationship.”

Totally cool: “I love you so much, oh my god.”

Red flag: “It’s a good thing I love you so much, because no one else would. You’d be alone forever without me.”

Other important red flags to keep in mind: someone who wants to jump into emotional/financial co-dependence very fast (like moving in together right away, or becoming each other’s only confidantes right away) and won’t take no for an answer; someone who tries to minimize how often you leave the house or interact with other people; someone who threatens you or themselves or your family or pets or possessions or financial future; someone who uses guilt to keep you from leaving a relationship.

Very important reminder: You do not need a reason to leave a relationship. Neither does the other person (or people). A relationship is over when one of the people in it says it’s over, period. Obviously it’s kind to take the end of a long relationship seriously, but abusers and manipulators have lost the right to that conversation. Lie if you need to–your safety is much more important than their feelings.

Trust your instincts!

Sorry everyone for this shitstorm. Thank you to those who have been supportive. It sucks so much when your fave is always the target, and it’s nice to see that others actually understand that. It’s a hell of a reach and a bit ridiculous to call it ‘nerd elitism’ (easily refuted with a single look at my reclist, tbh) instead of what it is: unhappiness over a beloved character always and forever depicted as a scapegoat, an ass, a bigot or a laughing-stock.

Do. Not. Ever. Send. Anon. Hate. I repeat:

Do. Not. Ever. Send. Anon. Hate.

Thanks especially to those who have expressed sympathy to me, and given me advice on how to handle something that has blown up out of all proportion. I am not used to having a private opinion turn into an excuse for others to attack someone else. I am angry and disgusted at those who used me as their excuse to send hate: you appall me.

If you knew anything about me, you’d know how much I despise anon hate. I do not want ‘defense’ like yours.

I will not be using this blog to have personal opinions on characters or whatever any more. I’m a bit sad that I have to take the ‘me’ out of this blog in order to make it palatable. It’s been my little escape, my little place for three years now, but apparently the rules are changing and I have to adapt.

I am reaaaally not happy about being blamed for the words and actions of others. I have apologised already for my sad whine that others used to excuse sending anon hate to someone else. I do not need to apologise for things I have not said or done. The person who said those things is responsible for them. I do not condone or agree with any anon message that was sent to the other party. I am astonished that yet another negative and totally incorrect assumption is being made about me, and reported as ‘fact’, without even asking me. False accusations are very upsetting.

I do not feel it is my place to talk about another person’s personal life online, be it language status or place of residence, etc. Particularly if I don’t know anything about it. Because y’know – assumptions are usually wrong.

I am INCREDIBLY unhappy about being insulted and called ugly and derogatory names, all my hard work mocked and jeered at. I am a real person here, and that’s more hurtful than any character bashing. I have never seen such a mob mentality, all gleefully slagging me off without question or hesitation, putting the boot into me for something I didn’t even fucking do.

I am frankly amazed at people who think it is okay to tell anyone to kill themself. Particularly someone with depression – like. Thanks a bundle, you absolute asshats, you really do your friend proud.

I repeat:

Do. NOT. EVER. SEND. ANON. HATE.

I will leave my answers where they are. I do not have anything to hide – and it makes me glad in my friends to see that nobody has been insulted or attacked in the replies to my posts (something I can’t say about the anon haters – you still appall me, I want nothing to do with you). There’s no need to descend to that.

Anon is remaining off for the meanwhile, and if and when I ever choose to turn it back on, I won’t be answering anons who ask for my opinions again. I know, I know, and I’m sorry – I usually do my best to answer everyone, but again – I gotta adapt, it appears.

Sorry again, all. And thank you again, to those who have expressed understanding and agreement. You’re golden.