wow, can you be any more neurotypical. Lo and behold, I have been blessed by the presence of the Thorin-Is-Scum anon once again, this time poorly disguised as another ‘Guest’. I am lowkey impressed at your dedication – did you really wade through nearly 400K just to tell me how much you despise and hate people with depression and MI, and how unworthy they are of anyone’s esteem or admiration? How tiresome you find their struggles? 

Go away. You are unwelcome in any part of my life, and that includes FFN. GO. AWAY.

(for those who cannot read the very small pic, transcript under the cut. Though I honestly wouldn’t bother. I’m only posting it here bc I am angry and need to yell at them to FUCK THE FUCK OFF, and I can’t do that on FFN.)

[Yo, I’m sorry but I’m really not buying whatever you think you’re doing with Thorin’s character here. His speech to Dain is pretty much “I suck and am more bad than good but slightly maybe more good?” which, to me, still says nothing. It’s been 37 chapters. This character has barely changed. And this is supposed to be Thorin as “better?” he best he can be is not as fucked up, while you have so many good, PURE characters? Gimli, who got over his issues (which weren’t even that bad) in like 3 chapters.

And the more you highlight this, the more I don’t get how Thorin functioned with anyone else before. How did his family stand him? Why did anyone even follow him to begin with? You’re telling me these things but I don’t see any reasons why. Thorin said it himself, his only good trait was “courage”. But so what? Every character here is. Why did anyone care about him before he died, if he’s still super flawed now? I know families can love members just because of blood, Boromir loves his dad even though Denethor was a bad father, but just because they love them doesn’t mean the person is deserving of it.
What did Thorin do for his family, or anyone who followed him? Why does Bilbo even love him? It just doesn’t make sense to me when you have one character who is more flawed than everyone else. If he’s supposed to be only “better” because he died, what was there to like when he was alive? There hasn’t been a single talk he’s had with anyone “close” that wasn’t just a compliment after a string of flaws. It just looks like everyone has to pick up after him, and there’s nothing selling me, the reader, on why I should think he deserves it. “Just because” is not an adequate answer. Quite honestly, as tiresome as it is to read chapters of a character constantly self-flagellating, in his case I can see why. He’s saying objective fact. I don’t see where he’s being too harsh on himself. It would be much better without marinating in a character’s shitty flaws for 40 chapters.]

Dain totally breeds pigs in the Halls. There are other pig-friendly dwarves there, because in all the dwarves in the Halls, some of them must like pigs. They argue about breeding and training. Dain cuddles piglets and trains pigs and competes in pig shows. Pig racing. Thorin helps a bit -he makes pretty gear for pigs and feeds them a bit. Frerin also makes an excellent pig jockey maybe? Fris is like “what have you gotten my sons into?” But it makes Thrain and Thror smile. Also Thror riding a pig

This is absolutely adorable – but what is really leaping out at me is the words PIG JOCKEY

PIG JOCKEY

ohgosh, do they get brightly checkered outfits and little caps and sit with their knees pulled up high and OMFG PIG JOCKEYS

What if people in the Halls keep waking up with Custard in their hair? Thrain will regularly wake up with Custard using his hair as a nest, purring away. Fris has it happen sometimes. Thorin is sure that Custard thinks his hair is Best For Naps, considering how often he wakes up with a cap draped on his head. Thror goes down for a nap and finds his beard full of kittycat when he wakes up.

This would totally be the opposite of a problem, for me i love cats

I’m fairly sure that Fili has had enough of Custard waking him by batting at his moustache, though… 😉

(1)Oh god the ficlet with Thorin and the fauntling is so preeeecioooouuus *3* I imagine that, when Thorin moves to the Shire with Bilbo after handing the crown to Fíli some years after the quest (shhhh, nobody died), the little fauntling …

(2) … has grown into a pretty hobbit lass and still remembers how Thorin saved her! She asks Thorin to be at her wedding, and Bilbo is very cross with his husband that he didn’t tell him that he saved a fauntling when he got lost in the Shire x3

AHHH INJAAAA ❤

NOBODY GOT HURT, HAHAHA YES, THOSE ARE LIES SPREAD BY MORGOTH I am so thrilled you liked it, thank you! ! that nice Nonnie sparked an image of Thorin braced in a tree, with a shy little Hobbit lass tentatively poking at his shoulder, it was soooo cute, I had to write it!

AAaaaah! You know the best part about this idea…

it means that Thorin and Bilbo went to the wedding of Hamfast and Bell Gamgee. And I really freaking love that idea. (SMOL SAM WITH HIS HONORARY ODD UNCLES)

Even though he was grumpy and lost in the Shire on the way to find his Burglar’s door, Thorin stopped to help some fauntlings who got stuck in a tree. The fauntlings are enraptured with their dwarfly savior. Their parents are terrified. Bilbo never finds out.

“Help! HELP!”

Thorin (who had been turning the map around in his hands for the third time – was that the arrow that meant north? or was it a poorly-drawn road?) looked up at the sound of the cry. It was a small voice, and very frightened… and it was coming from somewhere roughly over his head.

“Please!” came the next word, and the terrified little quaver in that little voice spurred something instinctual in Thorin. This was a child’s voice, and it reached right down into his bones and caused him to move, even before he was aware of it.

“Where are you?” he said, spinning around upon the spot. The little copse was fairly isolated, and he had no idea how he had ended up there when he had meant to go to the Hobbit town. Unfortunately, this meant that the child could have been calling for hours without aid. So for once Thorin did not curse his own unreliable surface-direction. “Call out again!”

“I’m here, I’m up here!” cried the little one, and a small hand waved from one of the trees. “Please get me down, please! May left ever so long ago, she was meant to find me but she didn’t and now I’m stuck!”

“Stay where you are, and don’t wriggle about!” Thorin commanded, and he slung off his pack and cloak, throwing his sword onto the map to stop it blowing away. “I’ll climb up and get you. You must stay safe in the meanwhile, and not fall out. Can you tell me about your friend May as I climb?” There, that should keep the little one’s mind on something else rather than panicking blindly.

The child audibly swallowed a sob. Brave little thing. “Ummm May is older than me, and she has three brothers…”

“Aye?” Thorin grasped a handhold and began to haul himself into the tree. “And what are their names?”

“A-andwise,” the child sniffled. Thorin could hear them beginning to calm down as he drew nearer. “H-h-hamfast… and H-halfred.”

Shirelings had ridiculous names, thought Thorin privately, amused, and he reached for the next bough as a pair of small furred feet drew into view. “Are they all your friends?”

“Hamfast is, he’s nice, but Andwise takes everyone’s mushrooms because he is the biggest,” said the child, and then there came a gasp. “You’re a Dwarf!”

Thorin, aware of the twig-scratches and dirt in his beard and the leaves itching in his hair, gave the child a tight smile. Bracing himself between the tree-trunk and a branch, he inclined his head briefly. “At your service. Now, sling your arms around my neck. Quickly now!”

This close, he could see her wide brown eyes grow even wider with trepidation. He took a breath and gentled his voice as much as he could. This was a hobbit-child, not a Dwarfling, after all. “Come now. I shall not harm you, young one. You are as safe with me as you are in your mother’s arms. My name is Thorin. What is your name?”

“Bell,” came the faltering reply, “I’m Bell Goodchild.”

“A beautiful name,” said Thorin, and he gave them a smile.

Slowly and tremulously, the child smiled back.

“And are you a girlchild or boychild?” 

“M’a girl,” she said, and stared at his beard for a long moment, before she met his eyes again. “I want to go home,” she nearly whispered. 

Me too, child. Me too. “We will get you down from here, Bell, and you will go home. But you must be brave,” Thorin said, as softly as he could. “Reach out and touch my shoulder. There, now. Not so hard.”

Her little fingers patted at the leather and fur of his greatcoat, and he nodded his head. “Keep your balance, but see if you can reach around to my neck. I would carry you, but I fear I will need both my hands to get us down from here.”

She cautiously slid her tiny hand around, and then he felt the birdlike skittering pressure of little fingers at his neck. “Your hair is funny,” she said, with the blunt amazement of all children.

“Ah, that is as Dwarf-hair should be, Miss Goodchild. It will not bite you, my word of honour upon it!”

She giggled a little damply, and then slid her other tiny arm around his neck. “You talk funny.”

Small arms clasped around his neck and a wriggly little body laid trustingly against his own woke memories of Fili and Kili that Thorin had long treasured, and he leaned his cheek against Bell’s soft curly head for a snap second, revisiting those days. Ah, but Bell was tinier than Fili or Kili had ever been, and her hair was as soft and curly as combed floss. “Hold on tightly now, and shift your weight onto me,” he directed her, and she clutched frantically at him as she slid from her branch and into his arms. “Good. Now, don’t let go and don’t look down! We shall be upon the ground before you know it.”

She pressed her face into his furs, and nodded. 

Thorin began to climb down again. His arms were shaking from being suspended from branches for so long, the muscles beginning to knot. He ignored it and focused on carefully placing his hands and feet, trying not to jostle the child.

At last he was able to drop the last few feet onto the leaf-litter beneath the copse, and Bell sucked in a huge breath and hugged him tightly. “Thank you, thank you Mr. Thorin,” she sobbed, and he patted her back carefully. She was utterly tiny: his hands could span all the way around her little ribs. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Shhh, there now,” he soothed, and brushed back her hair with his palm. “Do you need to let it out and cry?”

She did seem rather tearful still, but she shook her head nevertheless. “It’s getting so dark, I just want t’ go home,” she said, and sniffled some more. “Can you come too?”

Thorin set her on the ground, and patted her curly head. “I am afraid I have a pressing matter to attend to, otherwise I should have loved to dine with you and your family.”

She sighed. “Oh. But I want t’ do something to say thank you. Mama says it is a nice thing to do.”

Suddenly, the map thrown aside on the ground caught the corner of Thorin’s eye. He cleared his throat. “Actually, there is one thing…”

I know this is a dark question but… Who had the most traumatic arrival to the halls? Hrera or Fris? Thror or Thrain? Fili or Kili? Or even Thorin or Dain? I know this is such a dark question to ask but I’m curious!

ohgod, um. I do have an answer to this, but yeah. It is dark.

This will be expounded upon in the fic itself to some degree later on, but if you want to be spoiled it’s under the cut. And it’s not very nice, sorry.

It was Thrain. Easily.

For most Dwarves who awake in the Halls, they have a moment or two of adjustment, of taking-stock. We see that in close detail in both chapter one of Sansukh, and in Endurance. In both cases, Thorin and later Dain have a period of grace in which they process what is around them before they return to their more recent memories. I rationalise this as Mahal trying to ease them into their new circumstances as best he can.

There’s also the circumstances in which each Dwarf died. Hrera and Fris were TERRIFIED, but they knew their end was upon them the minute Smaug trapped them and cut off their escape. Thorin had basically accepted his death as inevitable, as had Dain. Fili died trying to protect his brother, Kili died trying to avenge his: I can’t see either of them being conflicted about those choices. 

Thror would feel guilty about his death, of course (as does Balin). Khazad-dum ever tempts their pride, and they were so foolish, so blind… but it is done now. Many of Balins’ Dwarves who tried to retake Moria were still caught up in their last fight, actually, but they soon settle. The calm stasis of the Halls is in fact there for a reason: it actually helps them heal.

(Oin had a fairly stupendously horrific entry into the Halls, actually. He still has sweating-nightmares of the flash of teeth, the stink of something wet and rotten, the snap of his own bones…)

But Thrain, though. Thrain was tortured by SAURON for nine years. Sauron the Deceiver, the Lord of Nightmares, the master of phantoms, the Shadow himself. Remember, “his dominion was torment.”

Thrain had no idea of knowing what was real, and what was not. Thrain had been living in induced hallucinations, over and over and over, insensate at times, violent at others, drifting in and out of the horror-scape Sauron created to try and coax his secrets out of him. He has seen his family a million times, only to discover that they are nothing but cruel visions, a taunt, a torture. Thrain does not trust safety. He does not trust his own Maker.

So, when Thrain arrives in the Halls, to him it is another hallucination. Mahal’s presence is a lie, a profane and obscene lie! To him, it is only Sauron once again wearing the guise and voice of Thrain’s own Maker, because there is nothing he holds sacred, nothing of his that Sauron cannot strip from him.

His family is a taunt, an insult. He does not believe it. He cannot believe it. He attacks them, and then retreats into corners, and cries and cries. 

He stares at anything but his family. He will not answer when they speak to him. He shivers, because he is always cold. He was never warm, never. He lashes out and then he scurries back to cram himself into his corner again, trying make himself as small as possible, eyes white and wide and wild.

It takes an entire week for them to coax him out of the sepulchre-room he wakes in. 

Fris stays with him constantly for the first few years. The first months utterly break her heart, and she weeps bitterly in private when he cannot see. Thrain will not look at her or answer her, he will not take anything from her hand. 

But Fris is a Dwarf and she perseveres. His parents spend time sitting with him too. One day, he lets Hrera comb his hair. It feels like a bigger victory than anything else has ever been.

Slowly, fearfully, he begins to believe. Fris sing to him, all her old bawdy and silly songs, and she nearly breaks down when he begins to mumble along. He spends time with Mahal, grounding himself in that presence and that love. The slow, stable, cool healing of the Halls works its magic on him, over time. He devotes himself to caring after his family; his children, his beautiful Fris, his parents, his cousins. He starts crafting difficult, meticulous pieces in order to keep his focus on the here-and-now. 

He still lapses at times.

He has to leave the pool of Gimlin-zaram if he is triggered, because his PTSD and panic attacks are just so extreme. He can hyperventilate or cry silently, he can turn violent, or dissociate to the point of complete nonverbal shutdown.

Those are not good days. Those are the Bad Days. 

And THAT is why Custard is Thrain’s service animal. 

Ais the lady-who-organizes and who puts her grandkids in little theater shows because kids are always needed for parts. Serious kid Thorin being a tiny shrub. Toddler Frerin being the sun. Baby Dis being a baby. Thror being all heart eyes. Hrera thinks its great because it helps the kids get used to being in front of people. Fris and Thrain are so pround. It’s so cute.

*curses my inability to draw from now into the Fourth Age*

THORIN THE SHRUB 

FRERIN AS THE TELLYTUBBIES SUN

DIS MAKING HER DEBUT AT FOUR MONTHS AHAHAHAHA