Tag: thrain

I know this is a dark question but… Who had the most traumatic arrival to the halls? Hrera or Fris? Thror or Thrain? Fili or Kili? Or even Thorin or Dain? I know this is such a dark question to ask but I’m curious!

ohgod, um. I do have an answer to this, but yeah. It is dark.

This will be expounded upon in the fic itself to some degree later on, but if you want to be spoiled it’s under the cut. And it’s not very nice, sorry.

It was Thrain. Easily.

For most Dwarves who awake in the Halls, they have a moment or two of adjustment, of taking-stock. We see that in close detail in both chapter one of Sansukh, and in Endurance. In both cases, Thorin and later Dain have a period of grace in which they process what is around them before they return to their more recent memories. I rationalise this as Mahal trying to ease them into their new circumstances as best he can.

There’s also the circumstances in which each Dwarf died. Hrera and Fris were TERRIFIED, but they knew their end was upon them the minute Smaug trapped them and cut off their escape. Thorin had basically accepted his death as inevitable, as had Dain. Fili died trying to protect his brother, Kili died trying to avenge his: I can’t see either of them being conflicted about those choices. 

Thror would feel guilty about his death, of course (as does Balin). Khazad-dum ever tempts their pride, and they were so foolish, so blind… but it is done now. Many of Balins’ Dwarves who tried to retake Moria were still caught up in their last fight, actually, but they soon settle. The calm stasis of the Halls is in fact there for a reason: it actually helps them heal.

(Oin had a fairly stupendously horrific entry into the Halls, actually. He still has sweating-nightmares of the flash of teeth, the stink of something wet and rotten, the snap of his own bones…)

But Thrain, though. Thrain was tortured by SAURON for nine years. Sauron the Deceiver, the Lord of Nightmares, the master of phantoms, the Shadow himself. Remember, “his dominion was torment.”

Thrain had no idea of knowing what was real, and what was not. Thrain had been living in induced hallucinations, over and over and over, insensate at times, violent at others, drifting in and out of the horror-scape Sauron created to try and coax his secrets out of him. He has seen his family a million times, only to discover that they are nothing but cruel visions, a taunt, a torture. Thrain does not trust safety. He does not trust his own Maker.

So, when Thrain arrives in the Halls, to him it is another hallucination. Mahal’s presence is a lie, a profane and obscene lie! To him, it is only Sauron once again wearing the guise and voice of Thrain’s own Maker, because there is nothing he holds sacred, nothing of his that Sauron cannot strip from him.

His family is a taunt, an insult. He does not believe it. He cannot believe it. He attacks them, and then retreats into corners, and cries and cries. 

He stares at anything but his family. He will not answer when they speak to him. He shivers, because he is always cold. He was never warm, never. He lashes out and then he scurries back to cram himself into his corner again, trying make himself as small as possible, eyes white and wide and wild.

It takes an entire week for them to coax him out of the sepulchre-room he wakes in. 

Fris stays with him constantly for the first few years. The first months utterly break her heart, and she weeps bitterly in private when he cannot see. Thrain will not look at her or answer her, he will not take anything from her hand. 

But Fris is a Dwarf and she perseveres. His parents spend time sitting with him too. One day, he lets Hrera comb his hair. It feels like a bigger victory than anything else has ever been.

Slowly, fearfully, he begins to believe. Fris sing to him, all her old bawdy and silly songs, and she nearly breaks down when he begins to mumble along. He spends time with Mahal, grounding himself in that presence and that love. The slow, stable, cool healing of the Halls works its magic on him, over time. He devotes himself to caring after his family; his children, his beautiful Fris, his parents, his cousins. He starts crafting difficult, meticulous pieces in order to keep his focus on the here-and-now. 

He still lapses at times.

He has to leave the pool of Gimlin-zaram if he is triggered, because his PTSD and panic attacks are just so extreme. He can hyperventilate or cry silently, he can turn violent, or dissociate to the point of complete nonverbal shutdown.

Those are not good days. Those are the Bad Days. 

And THAT is why Custard is Thrain’s service animal. 

Ais the lady-who-organizes and who puts her grandkids in little theater shows because kids are always needed for parts. Serious kid Thorin being a tiny shrub. Toddler Frerin being the sun. Baby Dis being a baby. Thror being all heart eyes. Hrera thinks its great because it helps the kids get used to being in front of people. Fris and Thrain are so pround. It’s so cute.

*curses my inability to draw from now into the Fourth Age*

THORIN THE SHRUB 

FRERIN AS THE TELLYTUBBIES SUN

DIS MAKING HER DEBUT AT FOUR MONTHS AHAHAHAHA

Silly headcanon: Fris got different weird food cravings for each of her pregnancies. During Thorin’s, Thrain was like, “why are you eating jam-covered creampuffs and eggs at 2 am, dear?”, but by the time she was expecting Dis, Thrain was all, “sure I’ll try some pickle-and-maple-syrup-with-raspberries.”

ppppffffffthahahaha poor Fris! 

personal blah ahoy: Golly, that is one bullet I am so glad to have dodged during my pregnancy. I didn’t crave weird stuff (apart from the occasional Bunnings sausage sizzle, but that’s EVERYONE tbh) – I had almost the opposite problem, where I ate barely anything bc it all smelled so BAD. 

I had always wondered… What did Ais and Folgar think when they found out Fris was going to marry Thrain?

Ais was so stunned that she was silent for two whole minutes, it was amazing.

(THESE TWO CAN TALK UNDERWATER, NNKAY)

Then, of course, Ais leapt into action. Ais is a Lady Who Organises (we all know one or two of these, yeah?). She immediately began putting lists together of what was needed, what might be nice, things for Fris and Thrain to look at and decide on – Oh! Perhaps she should go ask her friend Alda about the new fabrics she has in at the moment… 

Fris, of course, is getting herself hugged to death at the time by her sweet tubby chatty white-bearded dad, and is just grinning from ear to ear. Because she knows that this is Ais’ version of gushing. And Fris can see the joyful tears in her mum’s eyes. 

And then, next time Thrain sheepishy shows up at their place, his hand firmly clutched in Fris’, Folgar naturally begins to pontificate wax philosophical  about marriage and about his beautiful daughter and how pleased he is to name such a fine Dwarrow as Thrain a part of his family, and about the happiness they shall share, until Fris is squirming in her seat in pleased embarrassment – oh Maker, oh my heavens, Dad, please stop please augh. 

Meanwhile, Ais is busy asking Thrain if he prefers sapphires or diamonds, because she has already asked one of her friends (”a notable jeweller, you know!!”) to begin work on their gifts, but she wants it to match with Thrain’s other beads, and also does he like fish because she can get a good source for the wedding, and if so, which fish does he like best?

Thrain is a little speechless and stammering in the face of all this, but happy enough. Because Ais and Folgar might be the CHATTIEST TALKIEST PEOPLE IN EXISTENCE (outside the Shire, of course), but behind every sentence beats the unspoken phrase, like a heartbeat, “welcome, you are welcome, you are welcome”.

Goin off of your post about Dain having flashbacks of Nain’s death – how hard was it for all of Thror’s relatives who saw him die deal with that in the Halls? I don’t know if Frerin saw, but he and Thror probably got their issues over comparatively quickly since they died at almost the same time. But Thrain and Thorin … a whole other kettle of fish.

Ah! Well, this is actually another point of difference between the books and the films!

Book: Thror is not killed in battle. He and his good friend Nar had been trying to sneak into Khazad-dum. Azog caught him, decapitated him, and threw his head out of the Doors of Durin, with the name ‘AZOG’ carved into the forehead.

Nar brings the news of Thror’s death back to Thrain, who musters the Dwarven armies to avenge Thror’s death. This begins the 9-year War of the Orcs and Dwarves, which culminates in the Battle of Azanulbizar in which Dain Ironfoot saw his father killed and then slew Azog in turn.

Movie: Thror tries to retake Moria with an army, but dies and is decapitated at the Battle of Azanulbizar. Thorin chops off Azog’s arm, but Azog survives. Dain is presumably running late? In other words, Dain’s part in the battle of Azanulbizar was handed over to Thorin in the films.

As I have said before, I am quite meticulously sticking to the book timeline. All proposed workarounds tend to make my head hurt, to be frank (it’s enough work as it is without having to re-jig all the dates to fit) ! And so, I like being able to reference the year of an event or the age of a character. 

I do incorporate a hell of a lot of the movie characterisation etc, but when it comes to the big events stuff like this, I am very grateful for the incredible wealth of information in the book universe! So, to the question, though: Thrain and Thorin never saw Thror killed, because I am following the book timeline with this one. This is not to say that it would not have been devastating. Thror was the “father of their people”, their leader and father and grandfather and King. To know he died in such a cruel and vicious way, his body desecrated, would have been a massive and debilitating and painful blow. I mean, they began a war because of it, and fully half the Dwarves that took part died. But they would have been spared that sight, at least.

(Nar, on the other hand…)

Having so many feels about Thorin reconnecting with his fam. You’ve already fixed about him and Frerin reconnecting. But also … Thorin and Fris playing together. Thorin and Thrain making things. Thorin going to dinner with his dad’s parents one night and his mum’s the next. Just Thorin slooooowly getting reacquainted with his family and acknowledging that he is cared for, he is loved, no matter how flawed and broken he is. <3

Yeah, I went pretty all-in with Thorin and Frerin rebuilding their relationship in Twelve Months and Fifty Years, I guess! It’s easier to trace that progression, as it is brought into very sharp focus in that fic.

Still, peppered throughout the whole of the Behemoth itself are moments in which Thorin reconnects with Thrain and with Fris. It’s not fast, and it’s not always nice, but it certainly happens! 

You got me thinking about this progression again, Nonnie! I’ve had my thinking cap on all day, ever since I got your message. I can remember baking my brain about this very topic when I first began the story a gigazillion years ago. I quite deliberately set Thorin’s family relationships as a foil to the more dramatic events of the quest and the much more fiery development of the Gigolas (and the eventual Bagginshield) relationships in the fic. Thorin’s relationship with his family isn’t like that. It’s not dramatic: it’s steady. It’s slow, and quiet and everyday and mundane and ever-present. Fris and Thrain’s support (and Hrera’s and Thror’s, for that matter) is there from the start, of course, but the knowledge of each other, and the trust and the depth and the love, is so powerful now. What we see in that first scene in Chapter 1 is the first rush. It just grows and grows and grows.

It’s Fris waking Thorin because she knows it is important to him (tools do not belong in sleeping quarters inudoy, and oh, when did you grow so tall), and it’s Thrain listening to him speak about Bilbo (so that was the one, then?), not judging or commenting, just accepting. It’s Thrain suggesting and then insisting that Thorin bring the rest of their people on board to watch the Fellowship (we’re here, use us!), and it’s Fris braiding Thorin’s hair, while telling to stop blaming himself for things he could not possibly be at fault for (Gandalf was the one to recruit Bilbo Baggins, not you!).

It’s Hrera’s dumpling soup, and her comforting brand of loving bossiness in the middle of the night, telling him stories of her own youth. It’s Thror giving Thorin his own work-room as a meeting-place, giving up his own space for Thorin’s needs. It’s Vili joking with Thorin about which of the boys is a better swimmer, and which is a better climber. It’s all those breakfast scenes in the Halls, all of them existing together and sharing food and time and gentle teasing. 

Where we’ve currently paused, at Chapter 39, Thorin has actually learned to lean on them. A LOT. He relies on his mother enormously, she is basically handling all the information for him. Thorin returns time and again to Thrain’s calm acceptance. There’s a reason why Thorin went to Thrain as well as Thror when he wanted to talk about the dragon-sickness. It’s no mistake that Frerin stays in Thrain’s rooms to decompress and recover, after he reached his melting-point at the battle of the Pelennor Fields. There’s a reason why Thorin trusts Thror to keep an eye on Erebor while he stays with the Fellowship and with Gimli. There’s a reason why Hrera keeps watch over the pool in the Chamber, seated in a chair with a rug over her knees, ready to pass on any messages. 

Thorin has now actually reached the point where he can give it back. He’s SO secure in their love now, and he can comfortably show his own in return. It’s taken him a long time to feel that way: he’s been generally pretty awful to himself, on the whole. But now he can see that he is loved, and that he is worthy of that love, and so he is becoming better at expressing his own care. He gently needles Fris when she is overworking (a trait they have in common) and he is constantly aware and watching for anything that may trigger Thrain, ready to leap into action. 

Like I said, it’s not a dramatic relationship arc. None of the relationships in the Halls are – that’s quite deliberate! Not only are they contending with the enormous inertia of the Halls, but also against Thorin’s own guilt and anger and self-recrimination… not to mention their own painful issues (looking at you, Thror). Dwarves are stubborn as heck, after all. But it’s there. It’s quiet and subtle, but believe me, it’s there!

(and yeah – I’ve spoken before a bit about Fris’ folks, Ais and Folgar, and they’re around! But as they’re not the focus of the Behemoth and Ricky might actually kill me if I extend the character list any more I might have to one day write a little side-fic detailing their exploits in reconnecting with Frerin, and later Thorin!)

Now I’m thinking about Nain and Daeris talking with Vili and Fris, and Dain with Thorin and Fili and Kili -trying to figure out ways to make the reconnect with their parents/son easier and less awkward. It helps a little, both in terms of suggestions and knowing that other people have faced the same problem.

Oh my god, Fris and Thrain would be the PERFECT people to talk to about this. Fris is just so emotionally intelligent and competent, and Thrain has learned (the hard way) not to be impatient. So he knows not to push people, to let things unfold at their own pace and to give people an undemanding space.

I bet Vili went to them as well, for advice… and yeah, Nain and Daeris would probably have a quiet word with them as well.

And yeah, I think Dain and Thorin and the lads would probably have a beer or two together, and Fili would tell them how it felt to realise that he looked like his father and like Frerin. How he was both happy to have Vili back, and angry that he died and left them in the first place. And Kili will tell them how hard it was to begin calling Vili ‘Dad’, and how both of them still look to Thorin for approval instead of their father. How Fili often accompanies Vili on his visits to Erebor each morning. The day Vili showed Kili how to carve runestones.  

And Thorin will take a sip of his drink to hide the emotion in his eyes (it doesn’t work) – and Dain will grumble that it’s just so hard to let them help, he’s not a Dwarfling anymore and he’s been standing on his own feet… uh, foot… for centuries, and it feels.. wrong. And Thorin will latch onto the change of topic gratefully and laugh, and tell Dain that he should be grateful he does not have Queen Hrera for a grandmother. She still treats Thorin like he is all of twenty-two years old.