(extended Director’s cut) ”I don’t like it when you headsick types make your own decisions about what to like and what to do and who to identify with. I don’t like it when you use your experiences and your lives in the story you provide for free: They’re too messy and difficult and “boring” for me to handle. Don’t you know that it’s your fault that I hate you??? You should cater to me instead of writing the story you need. Do as I say, I know best. You’re too incapable to know your own life well enough to represent yourself. I’ll continue harassing and concern-trolling you until you do what I want.”
I worked out my explosive anger last night, by writing that prose piece. So I’ve been pretty mellow and calm ever since.
What I’ve taken away from the last day, though? Is that there are a lot of people who aren’t into being told what we ‘should’ do in order to be acceptable and good little model mentally ill people. I’m getting a lot of messages. Dozens and dozens, actually. There are a LOT.
So many people are telling me that it matters that i wrote him like me, like this. Like us. And that has actually brought me to tears, when the original witless anon hate didn’t even come CLOSE: it just made my temper snap. It didn’t touch me in my soul.
Apparently there are a lot of people like you and me and Sansukh’s Thorin, Nonnie.
I’m so glad. I’m so so glad. That this thing I wrote has actually meant something to you, and to others. I’m so so glad it has helped. God knows we can use a little help now and then. That I did something good helps me, and humbles me and makes me just SO grateful. Thank you for your support and for sharing with me this very personal thing. We’re not alone, it seems. *hugs*
I started out doing a doodle of Thorin for @determamfidd because I am spiteful, and when people hate something I often what to produce more content of it, but as I was trying to decide what to do with the rest of him, my dear Sama sent me this link so I wound up with Thorin unhappily glowering at my Elf Knowledge.
ANYWAY, the point I want to make is Thorin might be a Giant Trash Bag, but he’s Our Giant Trash Bag.
Also, as another person who suffers chronic depression and fights it day in and day out, and who cannot stand to read really sad characters who’s sad slogs on and on and slog–Sansukh never did that for me. It was always moving. Thorin was always growing and improving and fighting even when he didn’t seem to be.
Maybe Dets doesn’t capture the way depression feels for everyone, but that’s always going to be the case. Depression isn’t the same for each and every one of us. Just as there is no two people who are exactly the same, we don’t suffer mental illness the same.
Point is; as always, thank you for the fic Dets and I hope this gets a laugh outta you. 😉
P.S. still dunno what to do with the rest of his pose so I guess he’ll just be cranky and glarey.
I AM CACKLING OH M Y GOD KOORII
that is the fucking best lmao, look at his dear disgruntled face, growling at the words ‘tolkien elf’ bwahahahahahaha ilu, you taciturn Dwarf with the gigantic soul ❤
I imagine that he’s flipping the bird, at Elves and haters both!
Gosh, never thought of it that way. I never set out to make Thorin an everyman (everydwarf?) for people with depression. Just me. One of my coping mechanisms is to deal with shit by writing it out of me. So, Sansukh is very like how my depression manifests. It is important to me to write this story. Some people with depression will have a bit more in common with this depiction, some a little less I guess.
Thank you SO much Koorii, you goddamn awesome person. I’m still smiling :)))
(2/2) but b/c of how u somehow managed to ALCHEMIZE an already masterpiece into such funny, devastating, utterly sweet, and stunningly inclusive writing I’ve recently had the pleasure of reading. Keep on keepin’ on lovely. Show ‘em how it’s done <3.
oh guh. Reading this was like a soft, loving punch to my chest. Oh my god. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I will. I’ll keep on keeping on. I won’t let anyone tell me that my words and experience aren’t worth reading. And I’ll keep smiling and I will finish this, and I will not let this jealous catty ableist bullshit stop me.
Thank you for the beautiful kind words, Nonnie. I am so SO grateful for the support.
Aw Yiss 