(omfg Coffeebean is a great name for a pig, I love it)
hahahahahahaha!!! Oh, Laerophen would go into Awkward Giraffe mode in seconds, it would be stupendous. PIG. MASSIVE PIG. BE POLITE. IT’S LICKING YOUR ARM. WHAT DO. IDK, SMILE DISTANTLY AND POLITELY AND TRY NOT TO LOOK TOO UNCOMFORTABLE IN FRONT OF BEAMING DWARF KING.
“And into this hair he poured all his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life.“
Three Mohawks for the smooth-haired Elves under the clouds, Seven Dreadlocks for the Dwarf-lords with their beards of stone, Nine Mullets for Mortal Men doomed to go bald, One Toupee for the Trump Lord on his Trump Throne In the Land of New York where the Trump Tower lie. One Hairdo to rule them all, One Hairdo to fire them, One Hairdo to build a wall, and beyond the frontier bind them, In the Land of New York where the Trump Tower lie.
Our enemy is ready, his full strength gathered. Not only republicans, but undecided voters
as well: legions of racists from the south, tea partiers from the coast.
All will answer Trump’s call.
Now, I’m about to do a thing, and I know this isn’t the proper way to be goin’ about it, but all dead relatives present can keep their flapping traps shut.
a. This is how you respond when you’re aware you’re being followed around by a Dead Dwarf Peanut Gallery.
b. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA Legolas’ Dwarf father in law is an ATTACK SHRUB and it is PRICELESS.
c. I think I have something that will probably describe Thranduil once he finds out he has a Dwarf for a son in law:
d. Dets, Aragorn better be best man at that wedding.
e. Pippin has his priorities in order and I really, REALLY want a bite of those ‘shrooms.
f. Also, THE CLIMAX. BILBO. THORIN. FRODO. SAM. FILI. ALL MY BABIES!!!!! ALL MY FEELS.
ETA: I seriously think someone should have the popcorn ready when the Big Reveal happens to the in-laws. Is there popcorn in Dwarf Heaven? Mushrooms? Something to nom on? Surely, one of the ‘Ri brothers learned their brother Dori’s mad cooking skillz….